The Immigrant


I’m trying to lose this accent
trying to blend into my surroundings
like insignificant wallpaper
I’m trying to smile
when you laugh at my mistakes.
Trying to be a good sport.


I’m trying to appreciate John Keats
and William Butler Yeats
I’m trying to put up a jolly good show
I’m trying to sit in this blood-red bus
and act as if I know this city
and I’m trying to look inconspicuous.


I’m trying to be dismayed
when you catch a corrupt official
Trying to forget he’d be a lord in my land
Trying not to think of those I left behind
Trying to forget
how I almost didn’t make it out.


I’m trying to be you,
curse this clumsy tongue.



(c) Wole Oguntokun

One Christmas day, as I stood in front of a ground-floor apartment at the 1004 flats on Victoria Island, a man walked up to me. Simply dressed, I knew with the unerring instincts of a Lagosian, he was going to make a play, ask for some money. So I waited. And he did.

“Good evening”, he said. I replied him and waited still. “I’d like you to help me with something”. His grammar was good, I noted, it showed education and his clothing was simple but clean. He appeared three or four years older than I was then.
“Its Christmas and I wonder if you could help me with…”, he hesitated here and I could feel his pain. My urban-hardened heart thawed a bit and I asked a bit more gently, “Help you with what?”.
“Some food”, he answered. “I’m out of a job and haven’t been able to take anything home for months . If you can just help me…its Christmas…let me be able to put food on the table. I just want to see my children smile”.

He wanted uncooked rice, enough to feed a family of four at one meal. My insides twisted as I went to get the rice for him with the assistance of an equally usually-cynical female relative who for once was lost for words as we contemplated this man’s misery.
Before this happened, and many years before, I’d stood by the busy Western Avenue in Surulere, Lagos, waiting for the car traffic to lessen so I could cross the road. An old woman approached me, she appeared in her late 60s or early 70s. Again, I waited for the con. At that time, what some old women did was tell you they had travelled from the village to meet their son in the city but had been told, on getting to his home, he’d gone away to some far off place and might not be back for weeks. Now the con…all they wanted was their transport fare back home.

I waited for this old woman to repeat the sob story and when she greeted me, I answered a bit brusquely. She then timidly asked me in my language, Yoruba, if I could hold her hand as she attempted to cross the busy Avenue. She was afraid of falling as she crossed, afraid of the fast cars. I was ashamed that day and as I helped her, there were tears in my eyes she could not see. What had happened to me, I thought to myself? When had everyone become a liar to me? When did I start looking at all humans with eyes of distrust?

I also recall an incident when I had a blow-out on the 3rd mainland bridge, Nigeria’s busiest. I was home on holiday from the university. When the car ground to a halt, I suddenly remembered I didn’t even have a jack in the car to change the tyre. From nowhere, an area boy materialized, rough and brazen. For those who do not know what the term “Area Boy” means, they are the scum of the earth, continually seeking to rob and take advantage, or so I thought.
I immediately told this one I had no money to give him for his services if he helped change the tyre. That was a fact, I was broke. I also let him know I didn’t have a jack. By rights, I would have slept on that bridge with that car. But the “Area Boy” let me know it wasn’t all about the money, he attempted to flag passing cars (People don’t stop on the 3rd mainland bridge for anyone) and after many attempts, a man driving alone stopped. The “Area Boy” did my explaining while I stood to one side, borrowed that man’s car jack, and proceeded to change my tyre as the jack owner waved a cloth or something to warn speeding cars there was a stalled car on the bridge. When he finished, I thanked him and the jack owner profusely, and drove away, numb with disbelief.

There are great people everywhere. Men and women who just want to be human and share fellowship, who might need something that matters little to us. I woke this morning with thoughts of that man on a Christmas day, who just wanted to give his family a special meal on a special day. And now I ask God to forgive me for being jaded. Last year, someone I loved died, and I went through pain I thought was impossible for a human being to feel.

I want to thank ,with all my heart, my friends, who called and sought me out at that time, who stood by me and continue to support me as I chart my way through this mine-field called life, but this post is especially dedicated to all my friends on-line who in their own way have brightened my days and nights with a post, a comment, or a line. Friendships that have illuminated my life, shown me life is beautiful and friendships which I intend to keep for always, if the Lord wills. This is for the people I love, and for my troubled baby, Storm, who often makes me laugh and whom I cry with.
Thank you all.

That Place called Nollywood

As I watched ‘Hotel Rwanda’ a few days ago, I saw Sophie Okonedo’s tears fall and thought of how I’d like to dry them. ‘Beautiful woman, superb acting’, were the thoughts that crossed my mind about this lady with a Nigerian name but who was raised in Britain. After the movie and as I contemplated the historical accuracy or otherwise of the actions depicted, my mind drifted back to our very own Nollywood.
Reputed to be the third biggest movie industry in the world, and only surpassed by America’s Hollywood and the Indian Bollywood, Nigeria’s movie industry has clawed its way into recognition whether for good or bad.

(Read the rest of this story on African Path)

I have a friend, jola, who writes the most educative and entertaining things. Her e-signature is the quote below. Go see jola's blog sometime.

No birth certificate is issued when a friendship is born. There is nothing tangible. There is just a feeling that your life is different and that your capacity to love and care has miraculously been enlarged without any effort on your part. It's like having a tiny apartment and somebody moves in with you, but instead of becoming cramped and crowded, the space expands, and you discover rooms you never knew you had until your friend moved in with you - STEVE TESICH

The Deconstruction of Women (Was sent this by a friend and added the titles. It's crazy)


DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40 ish..................................................49
Adventurous.........................................slept with everyone
Athletic................................................no breasts
Average looking....................................Moooooo
Beautiful..............................................Pathological liar
Emotionally secure...............................on medication
Feminist...............................................Fat and ugly
Free spirit.............................................Junkie
Friendship first.......................................former slut
New-Age...............................................hairy armpits
Open minded.........................................desperate
Outgoing................................................loud and embarassing
Professional...........................................bitch
Independent ..........................................lonely
Voluptuous.............................................fat
Large framed...........................................obese
Seeking soul mate...................................stalker


DECONSTRUCTING THE GRAMMAR OF WOMEN


Yes...............................................................no
No.................................................................yes
Maybe...........................................................no
We need........................................................I want
I am sorry......................................................you'll be sorry
We need to talk..............................................you're in deep trouble
I've been thinking.............................................I've decided
What if we......................................................I've decided
I'll think about it...............................................I've decided. Definitely not
Sure, go ahead...............................................you'd better not
Do you want...................................................you'll pay for that later
I am not upset ................................................of course I'm upset, moron.



DECONSTRUCTING THE GRAMMAR OF MEN

I'm hungry................................................................i'm hungry
I'm tired...................................................................i'm tired
Nice dress...............................................................nice cleavage
I love you.................................................................I'd like to have sex with you. NOW.
May I have this dance?...............................................I'd like to have sex with you later.
Like to go to a movie?................................................I'd like to have sex with you tonight.
Can I take you out to dinner?......................................I'll feed you,then we'll have sex.
I dont think those shoes go with that outfit.................I'm gay!

I spent a great part of today with the Managing Director of Terra Kulture, Bolanle Austyn-Peters, discussing how her arts and cultural centre on Victoria Island, could be a major supporter of "A Season of Soyinka", (4 of the master's works and one of mine 'Who's Afraid of Wole Soyinka?'). We got it all sorted- through the 5 Sundays of July, Terra will be the venue of "The Season...", the biggest theatrical celebration of WS in Nigeria in the recent past.
After taking important business lessons from Bolanle, I made her come into the gallery of her establishment and took pictures of her. Sometimes one forgets she's a lawyer too...all beauty and brains. The picture in the background is part of a photo exhibition at Terra by Hakeem Adedeji titled "Noblesse", showing five children of Northern Nigerian Royalty at the annual Durbar Celebration.

Every child needs a hero...

This afternoon, I went for a meeting with Professor Wole Soyinka, my childhood hero before my age entered into the double digits(and who's maintained this position with me till this time), minutes after he finished a press conference. Watching the journalists stream out of the premises, I had a chance to ponder again on the affairs of a man who has remained a sentinel for Nigeria through many decades.

At the press briefing, he spoke on General Buhari's Presidential ambitions..."This intervention has been provoked, not so much by the ambitions of General Buhari to return to power at the head of a democratic Nigeria, as by declarations of support from directions that leave one totally dumbfounded. It would appear that some, myself among them, had been over complacent about the magnitude of an ambition that seemed as preposterous as the late effort of General Ibrahim Babangida to aspire yet again to the honour of presiding over a society that truly seeks a democratic future..."

When we were alone, he attended to my business, one he himself had termed ambitious- the production of "A Season of Soyinka", sometime this year; a month when I would present four of his plays and one of mine, "Who's Afraid of Wole Soyinka?", at a major venue in Lagos under different stage directors. As he wrote a reference for me in that regard, I asked to take this photo. "Go ahead", he said.

On my way back to the mainland, I could see the evening press had rolled out his statement, one headline read, "Soyinka knocks out Buhari", another, "Kongi's latest fire".

Every child needs a hero. So does every nation. Amongst those of this country's stands the man, "WS".

The Future Awards.

laspapi broke his self-imposed holiday abstinence and resumed the Arts and Entertainment Circuit rounds of the country. Tonight was “The Future Awards” organized by RedSTRAT which had its maiden edition last year. Venue for this occasion was the Shell Hall of the Muson Centre and it proved an Arts and Entertainment Who’s Who. Described by the organizers as “the BIGGEST gathering of the brightest and young minds that Nigeria has…”, celebrities in their hundreds came together from everywhere.
Some of those present were the comedian-Basket Mouth , Chief Rasheed Gbadamosi, Michelle Dede (who co-hosted the Nigerian “Big Brother”, her sister-Najite Dede (Actor and Stage Director), Ebuka, Katung, Chinedu and Ify of Big Brother Nigeria, Toyin Bello of Kush, Ebun Olatoye (True Love Magazine) The Sound Sultan, Emem Ema, Soul E and Ikechukwu (all musicians), Bunmi Davies (Theatre and Stand-Up Comedy Producer), Bolanle Austyn-Peters (M.D. Terra Kulture), Dr. Reuben Abati (Chairman, Editorial Board of the Guardian Newspapers), Professor Pat Utomi (Nigerian Presidential aspirant), Sola Salako (Gen Sec of the Fresh Democratic Party), Chinamanda Adichie (author of Purple Hibiscus) and many more.


The high point of the awards for me was the dance piece presented by the Ibadan-based group, “Xplicit”. These dancers ranging in age from about 12 to 16, both male and female, are probably among the best in the country in that age category. They took the audience by storm and all stood up to applaud at the end of the performance. I intend to get them into one of my shows sometime soon even if I have to walk to Ibadan.

In the picture above is Omonor Imobhio who this evening, won Best Actor of The Year at The Future Awards. Omonor was part of the cast in the Premieres of several of laspapi’s plays including The Other Side, Piper Piper, Gbanja Roulette, and The Inheritors. Currently part of a BBC TV Series in Abuja, she was unable to receive her award in person.

My dates for the night, the banker-Omoye, and her sister, Ivie. Omoye is twin to Omonor Imobhio who won Actor of the Year at The Future Awards in a shortlist that included Stella Damasus-Aboderin and Dakore Egbuson. In the middle picture, Ego Iheanacho, who for many years was the masked singer, Lagbaja's, lead female voice (Konko Below; Nothin' for you etc), and has now gone on to pursue a solo career, poses with the actor, Sam Uche Anyamele, the infamous "Richard" of the TV soap, Super Story. In the bottom picture, from left, the lawyer, Efere Ozako, publisher of Takaii Magazine, his wife, Anne (who used to sit by me at the law school), the singer Dede Mabiakwu's sister and Kaine Agary (Editor of Takaii and writer of the book Yellow, Yellow, in the white dress) Far right is Cordelia Okpei, presenter of the TV programme, Tropical Rhythms and a senior radio presenter at Metro FM.

Agatha Amata of the TV Talk show Inside Out, at the Awards with her partner. In the middle picture, Toni Kan- banker, writer and literary reviewer, stands with drink in hand beside Chude Jideonwo, Creative Director of RedSTRAT. Beauty Queens were not left out of the magic of the night. On the left is the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria , MBGN (and Nigeria's entry for Miss Universe) seated beside Exquisite face of the Universe Africa. I made the latter describe her title to me because all I could see of her sash read "Africa". Both girls were at least 5' 11' without heels and I cannot deny taking 2nd and...ahem... 3rd looks at the MBGN.

At "The Future Awards", Stella Damasus-Aboderin and her friend dance to Infiniti's live performance of Olorioko.
The comedian, Jedidiah and the singer, African China, put heads together for a way into the future. Chances are high that Stella will be in laspapi's next stage drama scheduled for March.

BROADWAY AFRICA

Here, the smiling "Don papi" (left) and his cast, meet the Don of all Dons, OBJ, after a performance of papi's play, "Gbanja Roulette" in Aso Rock, Abuja. As the writing goes inside the vehicular contraptions called 'molue' in Lagos, "let my enemies live long and see what I will be in future". As laspapi contemplates the theatrical onslaught of 2007 (some might call it hara kiri for all the financial returns it brings), he also reflects on some of the things he's written and/or directed.

"Recline awhile on harvests of feats and muse on the odds of those yet undone".-Wale Obadeyi.

Next play's "Anatomy of a Woman" in March which laspapi wrote. I have a deal with Storm on that one.

THE HEART HAS ITS REASONS

“Wait for me”, she said,
“Five years is nothing
To those who love…….
And the dead must be buried
And old foes put to rest
Before I can love you in return.”

“Now” he said,
“Come with me now,
Love is everything
To those in pain……..
Leave the dead for the dead.
And though old foes rise
None can touch me
While you stand by my side.”

“Fool”, they call her
“Dare you trust a cat?
Centuries of breeding
Compel it to follow a path
It cannot deny
A cat must tear flesh
And never gently.”

“Coward”, he shouted
“Follow your heart……
Listen to your dreams
Give your hope a voice
Love me forever
Close out the world
And feel my breath on your neck…
….Gently.”

Quietly, she stands...
Torn, hesitant
Between two real worlds.
He stands aside,
And she sees in his eyes,
Empires built and destroyed,
Chaos and order,
Havoc and purpose
And she knows as she looks

She can lead him to peace.

But they call out
In discordant jangles
“Love with your head”.

(c) Wole Oguntokun

The Guardian on Sunday again published a post from this blog, 24 things we learnt from Nollywood. I guess the Bloggers Award Academy a.k.a. The Taurean Minx posse ought to give me a "Bloggscar" for "Blog most accessible to the Nigerian populace".

ps. Now, that's a new one, "Bloggscar". Have I created a new English word?

laspapi and funmi iyanda. Took this photograph posted on January 2, off her blog. Funmi, with a mind uniquely her own wrote on the post that accompanied it...

"In the year 007, Nigeria needs BONDs, Beacons Of a New Dawn; a new year is about hoping that we will find them. In the meantime l shall begin with the most invasive detox of them all, a colonic irrigation, maybe if l clean up well enough, l will get wiser, sexier, richer and happier, isn’t that what a new year is about?". Read more on funmi's blog

The natives are friendly.

At the French Cultural Centre at Ikoyi, Lagos, the other day, I observed the way the expatriates (the diplomatic corps, mostly) kept to themselves, dancing and chatting within their own company.
Eyes would rarely meet. The native in Nigeria is not one you make friends with, without weighing the implications.

Who can blame them?
Nigeria, now one of the most corrupt countries in the world has been betrayed by its leaders, leaving a people desperately searching for breaks anywhere they can.
So, if the Nigerian were to be humoured and a conversation started, sooner or later, the con would come… the play would be made...


How did we get to this pass? The leaders. Let no one blame the people. The systematic looting of the country for decades, the prevailing atmosphere in which fools are made kings and unintelligent men rewarded for idiocy means there are no heroes left. There is no one to look up to, this country lacks figures that can call to us to rise above our baser instincts.
PDP primaries? Violence engulfed it. Oyo State? -Politicians burnt it. Anambra? Ekiti? Plateau? Bank Robberies all over the country? Assassinations? Bola Ige? M.K.O? Agbroko? Rewane? Daramola? Williams?


So the expatriates keep to themselves.


Met this nice young female from somewhere in Europe at the centre, a conversation ensued. And she asked for my phone number. I didn’t ask for hers. I knew I’d put her in a difficult position. She might text sometime, she might never. It’s the way life is in Nigeria. A people no longer to be trusted. Our passport disgraced, governors caught laundering money like drug dealers, the travel documentation presented before embassies by citizens are mostly fake. Hans, a friend and attaché at the German Embassy told me in conversation a year ago that the problem was, people poured in too many fake papers. They know. We know they know. They know we know they know (ad infinitum)


This New Year, I’d like a present. A new ruling class; one that is accountable, that can be complained to, that can lead us back to where we were derailed and help us continue on our journey. One that can give security to the people, provide proper health services, stop the murders, disband and re-establish the police, provide electricity and food, proper transportation, reduce crime. Apparently, this New Year, I’m deluded.
150 million people betrayed.


Its genocide, because it’s the systematic killing of a people.

Hello people,
laspapi's playing with the big boys now. I've become a blogger for African Path, a web site created to fill a void in the marketplace for a strong Pan-African spot where news content and blogging can be merged into a unified voice.

Many African bloggers are discussing a variance of issues relevant to the continent but online exposure to these blogs is limited. A-P aims to provide this much needed exposure. It also aims to fill the void left by big media in covering information on Africa and providing a forum in which Africans can discuss issues concerning themselves both within and outside the continent.

See more...

laspapi on new year's eve. Went visiting before the Steve Rhodes Orchestra performance at O' Jez.

laspapi (right) as a guest speaker on Funmi Iyanda's New Dawn breakfast television show, chats with Sola Salako while waiting for the recording to commence on the set. Sola, C.E.O. of her own Public Relations firm, is one of the all-female panel on Funmi's show. She is also the General Secretary of the Fresh Party which recently nominated the Rev. Chris Okotie as the party's Presidential candidate for the 2007 general elections in Nigeria.

Pictures from Wole Soyinka's stage drama, The Swamp Dwellers, directed by Wole Oguntokun at the Muson Centre on Boxing Day 2006. In the picture left, Igwezu (Sola Iwaotan) contemplates whether to slit the Kadiye's (Onochie Ifeobu) throat or complete the shave.

The play is about the exploitation of communal land owners by the ruling class. Some think it reflects the situation in the Niger Delta. In the picture below, Makuri (Kenneth Uphopho), father of Igwezu, welcomes the Kadiye and his attendants to his home.

At the 63rd Great Highlife Party organized by the Committee for Relevant Art (CORA) in honour of the Octogenerian, Steve Rhodes, which held at the O' Jez Club, Surulere on New Year's eve, the Steve Rhodes Orchestra performed to welcome in the new year. The party was over by 11pm but everyone present had a grand time.


Those who gathered to salute the music maestro included the veteran broadcasters, Francesca Emmanuel and Femi Asekun. Fatai Rolling Dollar, Maliki Showman and Tunde Osofisan also performed Highlife hits from the days of yore. Pictured above in the cap is the film director, Tunde 'TK' Kelani of Mainframe "Opomulero" Productions (O le ku, Saworo Ide etc). Bottom picture- Steve Rhodes (in white and black, far right) on arrival at the club.
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