There were people in that hall on the day of the "jero plays", who couldn't stop to say hello for many reasons- the crush of the crowd; they had to leave hurriedly etc. I found out later that uzo, mrs. somebody, olawunmi, daddy's girl, babs house, bijinmi, omohemi benson, igwatala and many others were also there.

babaalaye stood by me and had a conversation twice about the lack of seats but didn't tell me whom he was till the next day...

Funmi iyanda's comment on "the season of soyinka..."

"dearest, as you know, l have watched and supported your work from the background for years. Yesterday l saw the future and it is bright, you have hit the winning formula. Your adaptation of the Jero plays and running them back to back was genius and the twists in script hilarious. More grease. Why not run the popualar plays like "the jeros", "who's afraid..." etc on an ongoing basis? Think about it mai broda..."

30 million Nigerians and other stories...

The Season of Soyinka ended yesterday, with people being turned back at the gates when all the seats were taken at the 3 o'clock presentation of The Jero Plays. Some offered to pay the full price and stand at the back of the hall. I'd never seen that kind of thing at a theatre before and it gave me cause to think.

There had been a heavy publicity blitz, newspaper and radio ads, and all the major television stations carrying news of the productions, At 9pm yesterday, NTA's Newsline showed excerpts from the Season and all night long, my phone rang. People in Abuja, Ibadan, Port Harcourt, some of NTA's vaunted 30 million Network News viewers, calling to wish me well, to say well done.

I am grateful to God. Very much so. And like Rudyard Kipling wrote, "If you can meet with triumph or disaster, and treat both impostors just the same...then you will be a man, my son".

I got the idea for the Season during a conversation I had in my car last year with a cast member. One thing that's been affirmed time after time in this period is that, whatsoever the mind can conceive, it can achieve.

My friends and theatre lovers stood by me. I'd like to thank the bloggers- Ore, Nyemoni, Nilla, lola, araceli, kiibaati, Babaalaye, 36", snazzy, funmi iyanda, and our most yoruba-centric female (some of whom came to several of the shows and all others who refused to introduce themselves),and the out-of-towners- Storm, Jola, Frances, jumi, toyin tomato, noni moss, cheetarah, sherri, Idemili, omosewa, catwalq, ~mimi~, izz, phantomwriter and the many, many others who wished me well.

ps. 36" isn't just talking when she speaks of long legs. I did a quick eye-measure as we spoke as I'd told her I would ;P

Was a guest on Funmi Iyanda's television programme, "New Dawn", today to discuss sundry matters. Funmi's gotten more than her fair share of hate from the psychos that infiltrate the virtual world but she gave great suggestions off-screen as to handling this strange band.

It's Funmilola's birthday today, Friday the 27th, and I wish my lovely friend much more of the best life has to give.

Then met with the Orange Prize winner, Chimamanda Adichie, after the recording and I was star-struck. It had been a while between meetings, and for someone so young, she's achieved plenty. She's a great example of the rewards of industry.

I was deleting pictures off my computer when I came across this one of Bolaji Alonge serenading Stella Damasus (to her dismay, as Bolaji can't sing) during a break in the rehearsals of Anatomy of a Woman, last March. Theatre gives great memories.

The Soyinka Season comes to an end next Sunday, the 29th, with The Jero Plays (Trials of Brother Jero/Jero's Metamorphosis) which I'm directing, but a new Season I'll be producing starts on Sunday the 5th of August...It's titled THEATRE @ TERRA...drama ad infinitum.

All this goodness has humbled me.

The Girl Whisperer

as published by the Sunday Guardian

July 22, 2007

Beware of Dog

Every time we approach the main gates of a strange house and we see that sign warning us of the presence of a carnivorous and probably savage animal, we reduce our pace, peer very carefully over the gates and shout out to anyone who approaches, “Is the dog chained?”, “Is it ok to come in?”, “Should I stay outside?”

For some reason, people (and now, I speak of male and female) find it easier to ask questions about animals than of human beings they intend to liase with. For the purposes of clarification, there is a certain set type of man who would consider being called a dog, a compliment. He thinks mostly of the pursuit and after the thrill of the hunt is over, he looks for fresh frontiers to surmount. This one sows wild oats on Saturday night and prays for crop failure on Sunday morning. This “dog” believes life is short and the world is his oyster as well as the entire tribe called “woman”. It’s a free world, some men will probably say, and as adult females, no one is led by the nose to make any decisions of the heart, so you must live by what you allow. Perhaps.

Much the same way some people recklessly pour fuel into generators without switching the machines off first, as if they possess death wishes, is the way some females enter relationships with men who are notorious for loving and leaving, without checking to see that they have mended their ways.

The true “dog” rarely hides his nature and will declare the limitations of his fidelity to you from the beginning. Like the Paul Young song, he says to his women, “By the look in your eye, I can tell you’re going to cry, Is it over me? If it is, save your tears ’cause I’m not worth it you see”.

Now, we know some people like to live dangerously, but why enter a relationship you’ve been warned may go awry? We would consider insane, anyone who went nonchalantly into a house with a dog-warning sign, and then complained of dog bites. Yet when it comes to man-matters, we sometimes take no heed of warning signals and then complain of being savaged.

There are many men out there who think staying with just one woman is an ailment and they do not hide their credo. They operate as if women have “sell-by dates” and continuously trade-in women for newer models much the same way some exchange their cars for the latest updates. For this reason, the discerning female must learn to query situations and look before she waltzes through a courtyard and a situation that might end up in her getting chewed to ribbons. “Is the dog tied up?”, “Is the chain strong enough?” “Has the dog left its wild ways?”

There is a certain breed of dog you don’t play with, even if it’s tied up and locked up in a cage. You eye the Rottweiller warily, knowing that mistakes might cost you your good health and peace of mind. It’s the same way you peer suspiciously at a basket that holds a snake. Women would do good to know that there are men who are like these too and that the damage some mistakes do to your psyche cannot be corrected.

Often in courtship, rules are made up between the parties as the relationship progresses. It’s a good idea to have a few of your own as you contemplate entering into an affair of the heart. There’s an African proverb that says, “Only a fool tests the depths of water with both feet”. Don’t be a fool. You’ll probably live a long while to regret rash actions.


Next Week: In Search of The Thoroughbred

THE THEATRE OF DREAMS

Dreams can come true. The most incredible thing happened 2 days ago. I had a meeting with the C.E.O. of Terra Kulture, Bolanle Austyn-Peters, and at the end of the discussion, she had given me Terra's Hall where The Soyinka Season is being held, for free every Sunday, ad infinitum.

This means the biggest impediment to theatre production in Lagos has been removed with one magnificent gesture.

I have had more drama productions than anyone at the Muson Centre (which I and other theatre companies helped make the leading drama venue) but have sweated blood and tears to take it that far. The impossible conditions in which we produced major theatre dwindled the ranks until there was just a handful left... and then one or two.

But we have a hall now...and in a major Arts Venue located in the heart of one of the most secure areas of Lagos. (The things that matter to a paying audience).

laspapi is in charge of the project and is bent on making it an artistic and financial success. Basically, she's given theatre a lifeline.

There'll be space for other directors, room for profit sharing and invitations to those who can improve the work here (Frances Uku, please note).

Theatre has a new direction in Nigeria now. We have a home. Thank you, Bolanle.

Words aren't enough to express gratitude.

A Season of Soyinka- Cast Members of Death and the King's Horseman run through their lines before the performance of the drama at Terra Kulture- Sunday July 15. The play was directed by Segun Adefila.
Next Sunday will be Camwood on the Leaves (July 22), directed by Lekan Balogun and then The Jero Plays (The Trials of Brother Jero/Jero's Metamorphosis) as directed by laspapi on Sunday the 29th of July.

Drove through the staff quarters of the University of Lagos where I spent my holidays as a teen and had some of the best memories of my life. It had just rained and the winged creatures came for the lights accompanied by a few bats. It sent me back in time, to a place where life had no complications and laughter rang true.

Some members of the cast of Wole Soyinka's The Lion & The Jewel after the performance of the drama on the 8th of July at Terra Kulture. The 'heavyweights' in the picture from right are Oladele 'Olads' Akinseye and Martins Iwuagwu, The drama was directed by Tunji Sotimirin.

The Girl Whisperer

by laspapi

as published by The Guardian on Sunday

July 8

The Ready-Made Man & the Material Girl

As I drove with my female friend, Toyin Alli-Hakeem, last night, I noticed a girl at a bus-stop who didn’t take her eyes from me as I attempted to negotiate the bend and traffic. I told my companion, “that girl’s standing with a man, but she’s been staring at me for a while”. Toyin replied, “she’s seen a man in a car that’s air-conditioner tight and thinks she’d prefer that to the public transport her boyfriend’s going to place her in”.

I wondered at the time-tested truth that the grass always looks greener on the other side. This might be so, but the fertilizer and chemicals essential in making the grass that luxurious, will set the teeth of the material girl on edge. For some girls, the allure is the house the “newer” man just bought or his bank account and for others, his great job. However it is, there is a breed of women who are on the look out for the ready-made man.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be comfortable. I wouldn’t advice a woman to set up a permanent liaison with some guy without a television or a fridge except you both intend to live bohemian lives. There’s nothing as bland as tepid water on a very hot day in the tropics and if you ever plan to have children, it just might be good for your child to be able to tell his or her classmates that “my mummy put my ice-cream in the fridge” as opposed to “my mummy put my ice-cream in an earthen pot”. We’ve all been there and know how these things matter to children.

However, the female that wants a man who has everything in place might be shooting herself in the foot. If a man has sweated blood and tears to make a success of himself without your help or support, there will be an element of paranoia in all he does concerning you. At the back of his mind will be the thought that you might not have found him attractive if he had nothing when you met. These thoughts will be reinforced on days he’s had to work really hard and he comes to meet you home at 5pm still in your nightgown, sprawled across the couch, changing the movie channels.

It is harder for a man to attempt to shake off the female who was there when the skies were grey, the future looked bleak and it seemed no help was coming from on high. Now, in this case, it is not necessary that the woman must have contributed monetarily to the success of this man; often, it is her support and presence in his hard times that are the essential factors remembered when he breaks away from the hard life.

The ready-made man is perfectly aware of how hard it was for him to get to his current position and remembers how he was snubbed by material girls as he sought to find a foot-hold. Except the potential female-partner matches him in material possessions, the suspicions will linger. When the foothold is finally gained, there is usually no sentiment in the choices the ready-made man makes and his actions often give room for the accusation that he is callous.

The world is full of material girls, and there are enough ready-made men willing to take advantage and leave them in the lurch without remorse. However, this doesn’t mean the Whisperer is encouraging females to associate with losers. A man who lacks va-va-voom is a waste of time, and there’s nothing like hungry children around a home to tell you not to waste your time with a full-time dreamer. Girls of all ages should know there’s absolutely nothing wrong in wanting the good things in life. In these days of equality and the emancipation of the sexes, it’s just better that the female seeks to pull her own weight too. It’s wiser to look out for potential in a man and be at the start of the good things than arriving after the full delivery’s taken place.

The automatic human emotions called gratitude and appreciation will stand you in good stead when the rough times come with a partner you helped build.

The Season Of Soyinka's plays continued at Terra Kulture yesterday with the production of Death & The King's Horseman as directed by Segun Adefila.

Bloggers were represented by Araceli, Nyemoni and Nilla. I was meeting Nilla and 'moni for the first time and they are as their blogs are, very nice. Thank you ladies, for being so supportive.

If y'all are nice to me, I'll tell you their real names....just kidding.
Maybe if you make my shows, you'll meet 'em too.

Uzo, 36", Omohemi, In my head, Kiibaati, Tayo, (and all the Lagos posse) when are you coming?

Laspapi- The Man, The Myth...

"Who has seen the wind?
Neither I nor you.
But when the leaves hang trembling,
The wind is passing through.

Who has seen the wind?
Neither you nor I.
But when the trees bow down their heads,
the wind is passing by."

This poem came from a card given to me by my very good friend, jumoke, when we were at the university in Ife.

How did the name, laspapi, come about. One day, many years ago, I stood in conversation with my brother, Jinta. We called Lagos, 'las gidi', as many do and then he uttered the word, las papi in reference to Lagos. It struck me and a name was born that day. It first fastened to me through regular use by my my nephew, Ifeoluwa, in his very English accent as we had mock wrestling matches.

There is Wole the playwright and lawyer, then laspapi, then the Whisperer...

The Whisperer's articles seem to have developed a following amongst women. It is a good thing. My friend, and big brother, Jahman Anikulapo, gave me the avenue to display it in the Guardian and I decided to blog it regularly. I speak to females as a brother, a very good friend, someone who's been there or knows who's been there. I do not moralise. I tell of caution. How do I know so much? Why do so many women agree with me? Look at the Rudyard Kipling poem in my profile. I was really like that. I "rogued and ranged" in my time. I didn't start off for it to be like that but it happened. My short attention span didn't help. And so today, I don't preach from a moralistic point of view. My word is not God's commandment. I am no Saint, nowhere near it, but I talk to those who find my writing informative or amusing or both, as I would talk to my biological sisters.

But basically, we're all adults, and it is everyman (and woman) for himself in the end, really no one's business. The Whisperer Articles are not a compilation of the 5th Gospel.

I have two masters degrees- Both from the University of Lagos, and some people claim to know of my exploits from the days of the LL.M, eons ago. It's amusing, sometimes, and at other times, sad. I try to ignore it, as I see that a decade on, people are still obsessed by me and my supposed acts years ago.

I do not remember these people, and if by some chance, on the grassy lawns of the University of Lagos or by the rocky hills that surround the Obafemi Awolowo University, light years ago, I broke your friend's heart and it hurts you, I'm sorry. One more thing...You need to get a life. Time is passing by.

I find I am credited with much more than I have done. It's usually the opposite, men take credit for what they haven't done.
laspapi's older and wiser now, and the days of rage are behind. If you still can't stand me, keep your distance. Oju orun t'eiye fo, la yi f'ara kan 'ra (The skies are wide enough for birds to fly in, without touching each other). Hopefully I won't need your approval before they make me a Minister in the Government and hopefully you won't need mine under similar circumstances.

An anon came on my blog and wrote -"I've been to two of your shows at the Muson Centre. You ain't that hot". It wasn't related to the issue being blogged about. Since she took the time to write that, I knew she really found me hot. hehe. I mean, why come to my shows repeatedly if you despise me?

I want to thank my friends in the world of blogging. Thank you for being friendly. I hope never to take you for granted.

May we live in happier times.

laspapi

I'm not sure what I sound like on the phone but unlike some of us, I know I can't sing (see Blogidol and the fuji attempts by Storm).

I'd like to be able to say hello online though, like idemili and those who use snapvine.

I know omohemi who's based in Nigeria, uses it too but I can't seem to figure how to upload it.

Is there anyone with the technical know-how to help? If the process is long, please cut and paste to laspapi@yahoo.com

I don't know if my template can carry this but I'll change it if I have to.

The King and I...

I lay on my bed Saturday morning, half-asleep, thinking of the fool-hardiness that had made me embark on the Soyinka Season, 5 plays, different directors and cast members for each play, a venture the Nobel Peace Prize winner himself had called ambitious and no mean feat even for a country that had the required infrastructure, not to talk of Nigeria....

But it had started, it was in full swing and I was in denial about its financial commitments so I drowsed...

Griinnnngggggg.....My phone rang and I jerked awake. A shrill female voice at the other end.

"Emi ni lati Abuja" (Its me from Abuja!)

"Prophet(sic) Mojinatulai Anuoluwa Ashake... (sometin' sometin')" . I couldn't make out the rest of her name. She was shrieking at a high pitch, non-stop.

"Oko mi ni Nwankwo". (My husband is Nwankwo)

"Baba mi Alhaji Gani ni Oshodi Oke ni Lagos". (My father is Alhaji Gani residing around Oshodi Oke in Lagos)

According to her, she had been trying to reach Soyinka since February last year but his personal assistant wouldn't let her talk to him. I wonder why. She had spent N365,000 calling since then (N1000 a day?)

I couldn't figure it out at first. Where did she get my number from?

I picked up a pen and notebook and swung my feet to the ground knowing this was going to be a good one.

"What was the message" I asked?

(Still screaming) "Ki Yoruba ma ku!" (That the Yoruba race might not die)

"Oluwa ti so won di Daddy Africa" (God has made him {Soyinka} the Daddy of Africa)

This woman continued screaming in the possession of some kind of dementia...

"Emi ni Moses of Nigeria" (I am the Moses of Nigeria)

"Soyinka ni Aaaron" (Soyinka is Aaron)

She would whisper as an aside as if to people standing near her "God bless you. Amen."

"Jagun jagun, awon lo ma ja"- (He is a warrior. He will be the one to fight)

"Jesus is Lord" and she signed off abruptly. I thought to myself, one of the most surreal events in a life and I'm alone here? But my head ached a bit from some previous altercation so I lay down.

Griinnnngggggg...I picked up the phone again, pen ready.

"Hello, can I speak to Professor Soyinka?' (A male voice)

"Who are you?", I asked?

"My name is Prince Awoditan Agbede of the school of journalism in Jos"

"What do you want"

The gentleman said, "We want him to give us the literary figurative expression that we're contradicting of"

I signed off this time. A few more calls from perfect strangers. "Would Soyinka be at the play? If so, which one?", "Did we have his permission?", "What were the aims and objectives?" When I finally made it out of bed, I discovered my strongest financial supporters for the Season, Legacy Realties had that day, published a 3/4 page colour advert of the Season's flier, in one of Nigeria's best read dailies, the Punch newspaper. It bore a picture of Soyinka, the plays and my phone numbers.

Wole Soyinka has had to live 7 decades with this strangeness. Little wonder he muses when he looks at people.

The Girl Whisperer

by laspapi

as published by the Sunday Guardian

on Sunday July 8

Everybody is Somebody’s Fool


Many of us are street-smart, able to hold our own in a discussion, an argument, and for the really wild ones, even in a fist fight. But in everyone’s life, at some time or the other, we will come face to face with another human being whom we would do anything for. A person who can ask us for anything and be confident we’ll deliver if it’s within our power to do so, no matter how inconvenient it is for us. Maybe it’s an issue of chemistry or some peculiar kind of alignment of the stars, but at least once, we all will meet someone who has control over us and whom we will obey without question. This is great when the person cares for you as much as you love him or her, and even though there is a danger of unhealthy dependency here, the trust given is not usually violated or misused.

However, in the hands of an unscrupulous partner, this need can be a deadly weapon. The manipulating male or female understands the nature of the power possessed over the docile partner and will use this without mercy to achieve his or her own ends making demands that would cause a more rational partner to rebel.

The demands may cover the various ranges of human experience. For example, in the area of emotions, the stronger partner may cause severe distress to the weaker partner by pushing the limits of endurance. If the female is the “fool”, her male partner might make it plain he is unable to remain faithful to her. He might state to her that the only way she can have him is if she’s ready to share him with other women. The female’s need to keep this partner will cause her to accept a situation that would ordinarily be unacceptable to her. There will also be a corresponding lowering in the self-esteem of the “fool”. This situation is not as far-fetched as one might think. Cases abound of women who know that their men chase anything in skirts, these men having pushed the women into a state of acceptance of a seemingly incurable trait. Let no one think this particular ‘condition’ is limited to men alone. There are women, who being so confident of their beauty and charm, tell men who want them, that they must share.

At the physical level, the “fool” may be the subject of abuse, accepting verbal and psychological abuse as part and parcel of the relationship. She does not see that the relationship is an unhealthy and degrading one. There are men who do not fend for their families or take responsibility for any domestic needs. The females are exploited for their material possessions and they live and work only to please the domineering partner.
There are cases of females who are physically abused, the subjects of violent and criminal attacks by their partners and spouses. A dangerous aspect of this is when the female regards the punishment as normal and what she deserves.

Love may be a many splendour’d thing, but it is wise to know that any kind of relationship that leaves one partner seriously disadvantaged is a very unhealthy and unacceptable one.
Relationships are about partners meeting themselves halfway, each striving to please the other. If one partner has to give favours to be accepted, or has to accept demeaning situations so he or she can remain with a partner, it’s time to rethink the situation. No matter how hard it is, a “fool” must find the courage and pride to remove himself or herself from a situation of abuse. Love cannot be bought no matter how hard we try and the sooner all “fools” realise this, the better for them. Anyone who requires that you accept what you would not ordinarily take from any other, is setting you up to be a fool. Speak up and step out of this kind of situation immediately.

Nat King Cole sang in “Nature Boy”, ‘the greatest thing, you could ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.’ True words.

I had that kind of day today, so I thought I'd go unwind at the Silverbird galleria. I like to watch movies by myself, sometimes. When the movie finally started, I looked for a place where I could absorb the plot and lines of "Premonition" with Sandra Bullock. You know how it is with drama on the screen, one has to concentrate.

So the movie started with about 20 people scattered around the hall. After a short while, this guy came in with a girl and for some reason, chose to sit next to me, his girl, beside him. It didn't take long before his phone rang and he began a lengthy conversation on it. When he finished, he commenced another lengthy dialogue with the girl by his side.

When I couldn't take anymore, I clambered over a row of seats with my bottle of water, so as to get away from him and sat at the end of the row just in front. Then I felt popcorn thrown at me. I looked and there were two girls to my left side, looking at me. One had thrown the popcorn and she signalled me over. The seats between me and them were empty and even though I tried, I couldn't make out the face of the thrower. I felt it might be my friend, Deola, who's a maniac about movies. So I moved closer. Complete strangers. They stared back at me. The thrower asked me to stay where I was, right beside her, and I did. I felt she was some movie buff commiserating over the talkative I had fled from so I turned back to the screen.

Then I felt her hand on my arm. A caress. She did it again... and again. Asked me questions about the movie while pressed against my arm. When I sat forward in my chair, leaning away from her, she asked belligerently, "what's the matter with you?" I explained diffidently that "I had stuff I was thinking about". After that, there were no more caresses. I felt fleeing to another row of seats might cause other people in the hall to wonder about me. Then she looked at Sandra Bullock's eyes and said to the screen in a loud voice, "She(Bullock) knows this woman is "skrulling" her husband", cackled and repeated the line again for everone to hear. Then she asked me softly, "does she know that woman is skrulling her husband?" After trying to decipher for a few seconds, it struck me that she meant "screwing".

And then came the climax of the film and as people in the audience gasped repeatedly, she began to shriek in ibo (I could tell she was yoruba, so her expletives were ghastly in rendition). This time, I found the courage to flee towards Frank, the anchor of the Nigerian version of "Who wants to be a millionaire" who had come in sometime after the movie started. I spent the last few minutes with Frank and his friend, while my caressing friend sneaked glances at me, then I walked out with Frank. Frank, like his programme, had thrown me a "life-line". I didn't see her again.

You might meet the girl of your dreams in a dark hall at the theatre but I can bet she won't start carressing your arm 3 minutes after meeting her. I don't do tramps and I reckon I'm beyond sex for sex' sake now, or even worse, paying for it.

Maybe she's found someone else to skrull.

A Season of Soyinka started last Sunday at Terra Kulture with laspapi's play, "Who's Afraid of Wole Soyinka?". Ore was at the event and told me she really enjoyed herself. I'd like to think she didn't just say that to make me happy. Next week Sunday, the 8th, will be "The Lion & The Jewel" written by Kongi himself and directed by Tunji Sotimirin and the Sunday after,the 15th which is also my birthday, "Death & The King's Horseman" directed by Segun Adefila. On the 22nd, there'll be Camwood on the Leaves directed by Lekan Balogun and the season ends on Sunday the 29th with The Jero Plays ('The Trials of Brother Jero' & 'Jero's Metamorphosis') as directed by laspapi. All shows are at 3pm and 6pm.

The rebirth of Idemili...

Word's going round the country's newspapers that Obafemi Martins, the "22 year old" Nigerian footballer for Newcastle FC in the English Premiership, was not in his car in Lagos when it was attacked by marauders. His friends had borrowed his car and were caught in a bad place.

Nigeria can be a fearful place atimes but still Martins didn't have to do falsehoods. He told the press in Britain, he was in the car and narrowly escaped death.

The Girl Whisperer

written by laspapi

as published in the Sunday Guardian

of July 1, 2007

He loves me…He loves me not…

My very cute friend, Omosewa, whose name directly translates to mean “beautiful child” is studying in America but is under siege by potential suitors from all over the world. She asked me to talk about how females can know “a guy who is totally into them”, or in general parlance, a man who really cares.

This is for all females like Omosewa, who want to be sure.
Firstly, you must understand that men fall in love faster and harder than females do and also usually attempt to break up first. Women, generally, inspect potential relationships closely, wondering and worrying if they are doing the right thing. With men sometimes, it is more of an impulsive act, and actions are taken which they live to regret. The clumsy attempts to retreat by these hasty men often causes bad blood.

You must trust the Whisperer when he says it can be difficult to tell the difference between a man who is infatuated and one who is in love. Often, for many a man, the lines are blurred and the same motions are practiced in each situation. For the man who is dextrous at lying to females, he will tell you the things you need to hear. Be careful you take his words in like perfume; they are meant to be inhaled and not swallowed.

Don’t be anxious to start a relationship with any man until you know a bit about him. A time-tested secret of men will be shared today. Some will ask a female whom they feel likes them, if it is true all girls can in five minutes of meeting a stranger, tell a man they might have a relationship with. This is a question with a trap-door underneath. Often, the female being queried agrees she has the powers of Nostradamus and then springs forth another question right on the heels of the first- “Could you have a relationship with me?” Again, following the auto-suggestion of the first question, the girl says “yes”, not allowing common sense to prevail. In effect, the prey has been boxed into a corner by the predator. Usually, these “shot-gun” relationships speedily disintegrate and if a girl has given her heart to a charlatan, she will learn that pain has dimensions not found in the dictionary. In affairs of the heart, your education and savvy matter little and when you fall, you fall hard. Females must always remember that “everybody is somebody’s fool”, the trick being not to have a relationship with a man who will treat you like a foot mat.

A girl must look to see if she has the undivided attention of the man. She must however, never mistake the frenzy of the hunt for undivided attention. Oftentimes, it is difficult to tell the difference but every female must hone the gift of discernment inherent in her.
Even when females make the right choices, there are some things that will be lost after a while in relationships. A man, after sometime, will no longer think it novel to stand by you in a hot kitchen while you cook. He might return to spending time with his friends; time which he gave you without stinting, previously.

In a potential relationship, the female must look long and hard at the proposing partner and after she has done this, she must pick up magnifying glasses and look again.
Some might ask, “where then is the spontaneity in relationships?” “Where is the magic? Where are the palpitations of the heart?” Right next to the heart break is what I’ll say in this instance. The world is littered with the walking wounded, hearts broken because of relationships not thought through.

It’s okay to be spontaneous if you’re looking for a fling or summer loving like John Travolta. However, if you’re in it for the distance, don’t be afraid to ask questions. If he thinks you’re a worthy prize, he’ll answer till you’re satisfied.