The Girl Whisperer

as published by the

Sunday Guardian of Sept 30

The False Messiah

Many of us go through the grind of living, hoping that someday, somehow, we will meet that one person who will take all our troubles away. Someone who, with a sweep of one hand, will cancel all our fears and make everything all right. Someone who will understand the reasons we made the mistakes we did, and like the Arabian proverb goes, take all those blunders in one fist and blow them away like sand.

Let the Whisperer be as blunt as he has ever been, today. It will never happen. You will never come across another human who can take your life and make it all right. You must wake up to reality and understand that you must sort yourself out first, learn to love you, and then hopefully you’ll come across another person who will appreciate you as you are, blunders and all, and then complement you.

Looking for another person, a messiah to give us joy is a form of denial, a type of escape from reality. All humans have their own hang-ups and one of the most selfish things you can inflict on another human is to bring all your own unresolved issues and try to pin on that person. Who needs extra pain?

Prospective partners balk sometimes, when they see the weights others are attempting to load on their backs, for if you meet a man who has perfected his own coping mechanism, he does not want anyone to upset the balance.
When a man, for instance, enters a relationship, not knowing the amount of work necessary just to run a normal conversation with a female seeking a messiah instead of a partner, the man will run, no matter how upsetting that might be for the female. My advice for females is to resolve their own issues first, if they want to have successful relationships. Females should sort matters that trouble them emotionally, psychologically and even physically. The matters that they cannot resolve except through time should be made clear to the prospective partner for a revelation after the commencement of the relationship will lead to problems.

On the flip side, men should be careful about avowing "love" to every female they meet. A man should observe the person in question properly, remembering the police cliché, “In God we trust. All others we check out”. Being patient might save you from the hands of a virago. There are people whom, when their advances are rejected, turn into misshapen creatures that stalk your nightmares. They will create scenes at your work place; seek out your friends to spread malicious and untrue gossip about you and many other things unhinged minds have the ability to conjure.

Therefore, men, learn from me (which I know you will not) and be careful whom you whisper sweet words to.
Women listen attentively to the things you say (even if sometimes, they are the ones putting you under great pressure to say these things) and if you do not mean the declarations of Camelot-type love on the tip of your tongue, do not open your mouth to utter them. There are people whom, if you got to know them properly, you would not touch with a barge pole, so why rush?

A girl I barely knew asked me repeatedly to share a blood-oath with her under the stars. Any one, male or female who thinks a blood covenant is the only thing that can keep you, is one you must run far from. Angelie Jolie might make it appear cool but do not be fooled, you are not there when she tries to sleep at night. Needless to say, this person frothed at the mouth when I took off at a full gallop (Yeah, the Whisperer can run too)

Thoroughbreds and the “Girl next door” are your best bets to have successful and meaningful relationships with. A well-bred person is difficult to leave anyway, because you perceive that you need the balance they instinctively give to your lives. If you do give in to a moment of madness and leave a female like this, you might regret your rashness for a long while. The options available on the open market aren’t always as attractive as you might think and there is nothing like being captured permanently by a bestial type to make you long for all the well-bred people you rubbished as you sowed your wild oats.