The Girl Whisperer

as published by

the Sunday Guardian of 18th May

Primal Fear

There are many things that cause the average heart to falter, the fear of failure, the fear of rejection, of being misinterpreted... However, the sum of all fears for a person in a relationship is the very idea of being entangled forever in a web with the wrong person. It keeps men awake all night; and it prevents women from finding peace of mind. This, for many people, is a nightmare scenario, and they break out in cold sweat even imagining such an eventuality.

Every human, whether man or woman, has a natural reflex, an intuition that no detective school can teach; it is a hunch about people we meet, a situation, an event. Often, from childhood, we have no idea why we just do not take to someone we are meeting for the first time. We search our minds, look for logic, and rack the memory banks in the hope that we can find justification for the wariness we feel for another. And then, very often, we press the ‘over-ride’ button, forcing ourselves to care for people whom we feel a natural aversion for. The shield that would have protected us from the wiles of this person is removed because it is...well...unreasonable.

This is the singular advantage children have over adults. Not having reached an age when the ‘limitations’ of logic can fetter the sixth sense that is a warning signal, they listen to the in-built alarm and steer clear off a situation they distrust.

Not so, the discerning adult. She (or he) must justify a natural aversion or shrug off the advance-warning system as paranoia. This attempt to be ‘reasonable’ has caused many to fall into the wrong hands. The human mind itself is a space-age computer with capabilities far, far beyond what any one person can use in his or her life-time. It appropriates data obtained of the situation, of the person and crunches numbers at a level just below consciousness, and often, we are not even aware that we are analysing what is at hand, until a conclusion is reached. That conclusion, not reached with any process or formula that can be translated to paper and taught by any known process, is what we often mistrust in a world that insists on empirical evidence. We call it a ‘gut-feeling’ not realizing that even a lie detector-test is not as trustworthy as that feeling and many of us, unfortunately, do not heed it.

However, the Whisperer has learnt to trust that ‘gut-feeling’, that ‘hunch’, the instinct that says ‘this is, fundamentally, a good person’ or is the exact opposite. The times he has ignored that ‘irrational’ conclusion have been times he has lived to regret. So at the risk of unpopularity and infamy, it is better to learn to listen to one-self, preventing the dangers of ending up with the wrong person. How many times have we told ourselves after a situation that ‘something just told me not to take that road’,’ board that bus’, ‘sleep over at that friend’s house’? If we can trust a feeling we cannot explain at that moment and implement what it is telling us, why not trust it when the stakes are much higher?

The Whisperer has learnt when he feels a natural aversion to someone, to avoid that person as much as is in his power to do so. Trees tend to grow towards the sunlight and it is the same for the Whisperer, who has a natural propensity to go towards ‘sunny’ people. Some people love to live in a shadow-world, where the trees are gnarled and twisted, not so this man. ‘Light, light’, his instincts scream and it has worked well for him over the years.

There are many warning signals I have ignored to my own detriment in times past; an unguarded moment by someone I am just starting to know, sometimes just a sense of continuous unease and suddenly, I know as sure as night will become day that it would be unwise to have anything further to do with that person. The gathering of the ‘evidence’ in this case is done without one even realising it, and the conclusion reached without knowing ‘the jury’ has returned with a verdict. The rejection of our natural instincts, the final frontier, is not a wise thing to do. Take this advice from one who has ignored these and paid for it. It is best not to start what you cannot finish.

In a world where we are continually bombarded with information, the radio, the internet and the television, pouring forth a stream of information, we must sometimes pause, find a quiet place and listen to ourselves. We search for validity from others, craving to hear from people who will ‘confirm’ what we need to hear- ‘he has a good job’, ‘he lives in a good apartment’, ‘drives a mean vehicle’, without listening to the most important person in the equation, ourselves.
Trust the Whisperer on this one; it is not all that is gold that glitters, and vice-versa. Learn to listen to yourself in a world where there are many voices and all are talking at the same time. Often, you are your own best friend in these situations.

laspapi@yahoo.com