The Girl Whisperer

as published by the

Sunday Guardian

MIRROR ON THE WALL

The Whisperer thought long and hard before he sat down to write and came to a conclusion; many of us refuse to look deep into the things of the past. We do not dissect the reasons for events that we have gone through and therefore take no lessons away from the pains or joys of the past.

Today he looks into a mirror and tells you a few of the lessons he has learnt. As a young man in his teens, he met Wendy (not her real name, of course) and thought he had found love. She would walk through his school while he sat with his friends and they would yell and make all the immature noises that young men make when they see pretty girls. She had eyes like a Chinese girl, a lovely feature on a black woman if it is just at the right angle. One day, he summoned courage and walked up to her and found she was the girl of his dreams, or so he thought. His love for her was pure, that of the heart, and he thought that it was the same with her, until she left him for a brighter prospect- a young man who was already in his first year in the university. The lesson learnt- Never lend attributes to another that he or she does not have. Your affections are sometimes not appreciated, don’t waste it or pour it down a bottomless pit. The Whisperer met her years after when he was no longer a bumbling youth but a master of his game, and couldn’t believe he had ever wasted time with her. Another lesson learnt here- Don’t let the pain of your past poison your future.

Then there was Banibe, a beautiful young woman, who though the Whisperer hasn’t seen in many years, he still thinks about from time to time with a smile on his face and a desire for the days of ‘auld lang syne’. She would walk through his school too, daily, on her way home from her school where she was studying for her Advanced Level. The Whisperer’s school? Baptist Academy, for those of you who are trying to build a dossier on this writer. He became good friends with her, and sometimes now, he wishes he could see her again and have those long talks they used to have. Banny was a beautiful girl, in her heart and physically, and maybe someday, she and the Whisperer will meet again, and remember the days of innocence, and they will sit under a tree and watch the world go by. The lesson lent- Sometimes, you stumble across gold accidentally- don’t throw it away. Another lesson- Not all that is gold, glitters.

There was F.G. who looked like one of the members of the musical group, Destiny’s Child. The friendship started shyly, and blossomed into a beautiful thing, and even till this day, he measures some he meets against her. She would write letters to him and seal it with an actual kiss (you’d see the lipstick mark on the page, for those of you who have done these silly, wonderful childhood things before). It was a heady relationship and the pure memories gave great pleasure in periods of sadness. Later on, I met F.G. as an adult on another continent but adulthood had left its mark on both of us. All the experiences mentioned above were in the Whisperer’s teen years. The lesson here- All you need to know, you probably learnt before you left your teenage years. The only problem is we refuse to look into the mirror and understand that life starts its tutorials early. Adulthood is not the place for you to plead ‘ignorance of the law’.

The Whisperer also met ‘Zawazawa’ during his pre-university days, and she, though younger than him, was wiser. She was bright, effervescent, and sharp of mouth but she would let him get away with some things, sometimes, just to keep the peace. The lesson learnt – Men will always be boys. It is an unknowing woman who cannot manage a man who truly loves her and whom she truly loves.

There was Rosemary whom the Whisperer had a crush on as a young teen, and who was fond of the Whisperer as well but only as a friend would be fond of another. One day, Rosemary had a party and somehow, the young man the Whisperer used to be, wangled an invitation. At the party, Rosemary greeted the yet-to-be-Whisperer warmly and then said the legend, ‘someone your own height will soon come in’. The Whisperer’s growth spurt came late and like many male adolescents, he struggled in the early teen-years with wanting to be taller. Words like that from the dream girl, Rosemary, were harsh and the world went grey for an instant. The lesson learnt- There are five billion people on the face of the earth, not everyone can like you the way you like them. But the odds are, there are people out there who will care for you as much as you care for them.

Another lesson- you must be able to laugh at yourself no matter the circumstances. If you take yourself (and life) too seriously, there will be a lot of pain as you move down the tunnel. The Whisperer probably towers over Rosemary now, and would probably not recognize her, if they were to meet on a busy road or a quiet street. But as a young teen, she spoke words that will forever be etched on the mind. Yet another lesson- It’s not who you love, it’s who loves you.