The Girl Whisperer

The Lady is a Tramp

as published by The Guardian on Sunday June 3.

There’s the old Walt Disney cartoon, The Lady and The Tramp, but my title’s a bit different. What happens when the lady you love, the girl of your dreams, the one you spend your days dreaming of and your nights fantasizing about; what happens when she’s really a tramp and will go with anything or anyone that asks her? The undoing of some men is that they fall hard, for a female that would be considered easy and extremely generous by many other men. Despite the remonstrance of friends, family and well-wishers, they pour unappreciated affection, gifts and adulation in the direction of a Tramp.
It’s an obsessive fixation and proves like is said that “everybody is somebody’s fool”. Unfortunately, being a fool for a tramp can only result in pain for the person who has this misguided affection. There are no happy endings here.

I’ll bring to mind the story of the man who rescued a snake he found near the point of death. He took the snake home, fed it and nursed it back to health. After a few months of this care, the snake regained its health and strength. One day, the rescuer came back home and stretched out his hand to pat the snake on the head but got bitten on the hand as he did so. He yelled in astonishment and pain, tears in his eyes, “you bit me after all I’ve done for you?”. The snake replied, “I don’t know what you mean, I’m a snake, that is what I do, I bite!”.

The man who takes a tramp in and expects anything different is sadly deluded as “a man (or woman) in this case cannot give what he does not have”. The female in the equation is unable to control herself, regards affection and tender love as a weakness and a wise man would find other appreciative females for any outpouring of love he might wish to display.
The Whisperer wishes it known that the tramp can come from any social class; a wealthy one, the middleclass or a poverty stricken background. Being loose is not always on account of having little or no money. The default setting in her genetic make-up is to be a tramp, and a man who thinks he can be her knight on a white charger and save her from herself will learn the true meanings of the words, “misery and pain”.
The rehabilitation of such a female had better be left to psychologists who are paid to roam the minds of such wonders of the world. A man who feels it is his calling in life to rescue such a female will learn the hard way.

By the way, predators can smell a tramp ten leagues off, and will home in on her like heat-seeking missiles after a fighter plane. They will find her and hover permanently around making the life of a man with serious intentions a miserable one.
How can you tell if the lady you like is a tramp? That’s an easy one. Firstly, no matter how much you love her, you will always have the feeling that she is slightly bewildered at your love which she will probably lack the capacity to return. All the men that surround her and call her phone at 2am will be passed off as calling in respect of church meetings or work matters.

You will know in your heart you are being defrauded. If you choose to stay in such a relationship, you need psycho-analysis too. This Whisperer has met a few tramps, and even if they drive the best cars and wear the nicest perfumes, don’t be led by the nose.
Is there any such thing as a retired tramp? I'd be the last person to say there is no redemption for a certain kind of woman. The world is made up of many sorts, which is why it is such a wonderful place. All I’m saying is, don’t allow yourself be used as a specimen in nature’s experiment.