Thursday, October 22, 2009



The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k".

This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publikenthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

- Writer Unknown

11 comments:

Doyin said...

lollllllllllllllllllllllll literally cracking up!

toks adetuyi said...

ROTFL!

fantasy queen said...

lol' what a komplikated read, my brains all konfused from reading this.

thirties flirty and thriving in 9ja said...

Ze riten styl is very kleaver. Fenomenal! Zank God for ze replas tool in ze Mikrosft Vord! Vi vil ned it.

flygirlbidiish said...

it vil not be funny lwkm, ve vill all have mouth ulcers and things

Ms.O said...

hahahahah!!! Good one!

Anonymous said...

They will be speaking English but it will be spelt like German (Na win win for Germany). On another note Uncle Laspapi, I LURV YOU! I enjoy reading the whisperer gan ni.

Dan Ioanitescu said...

Nice article! :)
Congratulations!

theicequeen said...

lmao! gut von! absolutli lovd zis post!

Anonymous said...

You had me going there for a minute! I was beginning to wonder why there wasn't anything on the news till i read the next few lines.

My son Ore sussed it it from the go, though.

Hope all is well. Take care.

xxx Naijalines.

rethots said...

Eventually, the patiently shrewd man will always get what he wants.