Wednesday, June 27, 2007

As a child, every comic book and novel I read told me I could live happily ever after. In Archie comics, people didn't die of cancer or have terminal illnesses. Babies didn't die young,and love lasted for ever.

I could see beauty in the snow on side-walks painted on Christmas cards, and carols had special meanings to me. I would stand for hours and marvel at Christmas trees and the tinsel draped on them.

And Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was the movie that showed how sweet life could be.

I'm older now and I know what pain is... sometimes I sit and bow my head as I ponder on life's miseries, about how I have been betrayed by family, by friends, by love... and how I have betrayed others in my turn...

And I realise life is not always what we want it to be.

I just want to be happy...I really want this...

The Newcastle FC Footballer, Obafemi Martins, was taking a drive around Lagos after coming to play for the National Team when he stopped to get some petrol at a filling station. A car drove up to his and gun shots were fired at his vehicle. He escaped injury but another person in his car was injured. (Picture shows the windscreen of his car)

Martins has since returned to his base in England and in interviews granted to the British Press, the visibly shaken player said he wouldn't be returning to Nigeria in the near future.

There are tens of millions trapped in the mess here caused by bad governance who have no escape routes. Who will speak for these people?


The sweet-toothed goddess who put on human clothing. This image (above) she had on her blog fascinated me. And then you changed it, idemili. It might take me a while to get used to the new one...

Male bonding.

I had a meeting at 5pm on Victoria Island on Tuesday. Knowing it to be suicidal to attempt driving back to the mainland in rush hour traffic after the meet, I strolled into the Silverbird galleria at about 7pm, determined to catch a movie and just drift till the traffic eased. I got a ticket for The Fantastic Four {The rise of the silver surfer}and had about an hour to burn so I turned to the video arcade in the galleria and begin to shoot up villains in Gunblade-Special Air Assault Force. After buying several hundreds of naira worth of tokens, I noticed two young men looking at my game and commenting on my shooting skills (yeah, in every man lies the childhood desire to shoot up an entire city). After a while, I offered to buy tokens for one of them, Clement, so he could join the shooting spree, which he did. His friend, Henry, took this picture on his phone as we glared at the life-size screen and killed steriod-assisted rogues with RPGs (Rocket Propelled Grenades) and bazookas. When I stared at the photo after, I was surprised there was no fire blazing from the gun muzzles. Henry and Clement came to see their friend who works at the arcade and were very grateful for the chance to play on the games. These little things...

I gave them my card, made new friends...It's the way men are...

Sunday, June 24, 2007

The Girl Whisperer

by laspapi

as published in the Sunday Guardian of June 24

7 Myths about Marriage

Myth # 1. Marriage is a destination and not a journey- For many people, marriage is considered the key to all life’s questions and the attainment of this coveted status seems an automatic answer to the troubles that might have beleaguered them since childhood or adolescence. Many find out on becoming one part of a couple, however, that it is not always so. The idea of sharing one’s life with another being means a fresh voyage has begun and fresh solutions must be sought for new situations. Marriage itself is like admission into a citadel of higher learning; now you must work to obtain your degree or diploma, work that might take the rest of your life. The process can be an enjoyable or miserable one, depending on the partners in the enterprise and their compatibility.

Myth # 2. A philandering man will change his spots- The dictionary describes a philanderer as a man who makes love without serious intentions. Sometimes, some women assume that once a man agrees to go down the altar, his “evil” ways are mended for good. It is not always so. As a matter of fact, there is a serious likelihood that a man who had not repented of his former style of life will only wax stronger in marriage. He might take a break from that lifestyle for a short while, but soon, he will be back to doing the things he is adept at. These things might include drinking too much or smoking the wrong kind of stuff.

Myth # 3. A man/woman who loves little will love long- It is very likely that if you get entangled with a partner who barely tolerates you, that is the way it shall remain for the tenure of the marriage. Some partners hope that marriage will encourage barely perceptible love to grow. It is better to have this particular matter sorted before marriage though, because if he or she doesn’t love you enough from the onset, the chances are high that there shall be no further increases in the barometer of love. Only the foolhardy risk this venture.

Myth # 4. “Happily ever after” can be found on the remote control- This is similar in its make-up to number one. When the faces of blushing brides are studied at their weddings, it can be seen that there is a belief that all matter pertaining to marriage can be sorted with a click as with the changing of television channels. The human factor, its whims and caprices are not always taken into consideration in that calculation. Often, it is a rude awakening for these new brides when harsh reality faces them in the form of their partners and bares its fangs.

Myth # 5. Money cannot strain love- A lack of money can play havoc with the strongest relationships. Single-income families soon find the truth of the adage that “money is a defence”. In a situation where one partner does not pull his or her weight in financial matters, the tilt to one side causes imbalance in the relationship. It might have been okay in medieval times for men to go hunting while the women stayed at home to cook over open fires, but more and more, these days, one finds that the high cost of living requires both parties to pull their weights in all things monetary.

Myth # 6. Children can hold a marriage together- Some people think the presence of kids is enough to act as an adhesive to a marriage that is shaky at its foundations. It isn’t. The glue that must hold the fabric of the relationship together is the level of friendship and love between the partners. Marriages not properly constructed can collapse despite the presence of children.

Myth #7. He will learn to speak up to his mother- A man who cannot speak up to his mother or his family in issues concerning his woman before marriage, will not overcome that obstacle after marriage. A woman who deludes herself in this matter will have the rest of her life to regret this.

(Omosewa, your topic's next week)

Jola introduced me to Frances Uku, a recent graduate of Harvard University's American Repertory Theatre Institute, from where she received an MFA in Acting. Frances was/is a computer scientist, and holds a BS in EECS from Berkeley. She says her heart forever belongs to Brooklyn, but now she works in Los Angeles, where she is sometimes paid to tell stories.

This is the first Nigerian blog I'll see primarily dedicated to theatre/acting...I'm in love.

In the top picture, Frances, first fom left, hams with cast/crew, in bottom pic- she (3rd from right) does a presentation.

See Frances here

Friday, June 22, 2007


The Naija Bloggers Book will accept submissions from bloggers on the issue of the maltreatment and subsequent death of the Nigerian, Osamuyia Aikpitanhi, on the Iberia Airline from Spain.

Spain, like every other country retains a right to protect its territory but kicking and punching a deportee, gagging him with industrial strength duct tape, tying/cuffing his hands and feet, placing a sack over his head and then letting him die as he choked on the gag and soiled himself with waste is horrific. This was the way they intended him to travel 6 hours? And the entire world went mad at the excesses of the American soldiers in the Al Ghraib prison?

He could have been our brother, our cousin, our friend. He could have been the boy next door, the one that smiled as he walked past our house. The "conquistadors" appear to be regressing to the days of the annihilation of the Incas and the Aztecs. Humans are not treated this way in the 21st century even if at one time, they considered it proper to do so.

Let no one forget, Xenophobia can be a two-way thing, and the incitement of a people who are regarded as amongst the most hospitable on the face of the earth will not serve any cause.

Submissions will not be counted as part of the quota for any blogger who has sent in the maximum number.

Entries for this topic will close on Sunday the 8th of July 2007.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

"Every man's death diminishes me because I am involved in mankind. Therefore, send not to know for whom the bell tolls...It tolls for thee"

-John Donne

What were you doing on the 9th of June 2007. Whom did you laugh with? Whom did you hold close? Pause, recollect, then read.

An illegal Nigerian immigrant died while being deported from Spain with a restraining gag over his mouth, Spanish media reported on Monday.
The Iberia jet flying 97 passengers to Nigeria had to turn back to Spain and land in Alicante on Saturday after crew discovered that Osamuyia Aikpitanhi (23) had died, newspaper El Pais said.
Police union sources told El Pais Aikpitanhi may have died after swallowing a gag taped over his mouth to prevent him biting extradition officers.

According to reports, Spanish police resorted to beating him until he could be injected with a tranquilizer, his mouth being closed with heavy industrial strength tape, both hands and legs firmly tied with ropes. Then they loaded him into the plane covering him with a sack thereby obstructing the view of other passengers. Other published reports say the Iberia Airline pilot protested to the
Spanish authorities regarding the violation of Mr. Osamuyia Aikpitanhi’s
rights; This was on the heels of sustained
complaints by 96 other Nigerian passengers that were aboard the same
aircraft bound for Lagos, Nigeria.

Please sign the protest letter here.

Sunday, June 17, 2007


A Season of Wole Soyinka produced by laspapi in collaboration with the British Council/Nigeria & Terra Kulture will commence on Sunday the 1st of July 2007 and through every Sunday in July.

Sunday July 1- Who's Afraid of Wole Soyinka?- written by Wole Oguntokun

Sunday July 8- The Lion and the Jewel- directed by Tunji Sotimirin

Sunday July 15- Death and the King's Horseman- directed by Segun Adefila

Sunday July 22- Camwood on the Leaves- directed by Lekan Balogun

Sunday July 29- The Jero Plays (Trials of Brother Jero & Jero's Metamorphosis)
directed by Wole Oguntokun

All plays will be at Terra Kulture, Tiamiyu Savage, Victoria Island and there will be two shows every Sunday at 3pm and 6pm.

Tickets- N2000 each

Naija Bloggers- The Book

The closing date for the anthology of works by Nigerian Bloggers has come and gone. There were loads of submissions, mostly very good work and some really extraordinary, as was expected. The sorting of the works' started and soon information will be passed to all those who sent in material.

I'd like to thank all who chose to be a part of this. A book will be around when we are long gone.
The Girl Whisperer

by laspapi

Gentle Streams, Battle-axes and Other Stories

as published by the Sunday Guardian of June 17

It’s interesting to observe that when some women feel they are the subjects of a perceived attack in the writings of the Whisperer, they come out fighting, heckling and clawing at the Whisperer’s eyes. Time after time, I have witnessed this phenomenon. Men, generally, do not react as virulently, perhaps not being as sensitive as women and probably thinking, when described as the equivalent of a canine’s offspring, “So he thinks I’m a dog? Big deal…!

This Whisperer has met all sorts in the journey through life and been acquainted with different kinds of women. In my study of females of different kinds and ages, I have met many older ones, stunning beauties at some point in the past, who even as age has sought to reduce the impact of their good looks, have all shared a secret with me. According to them, the one enduring trait for a woman, when beauty is gone and the elasticity of the skin cannot be taken for granted anymore, is the indomitable spirit of that woman. As young men depend on their strength, consider themselves immortal and take reckless, mind-boggling risks, so do some females regard their beauty, charm, and the power of a winning smile as traits that will last forever. It is not so. Change is the one constant as we all know, and the greatest beauty will fade. Ask Zsa Zsa Gabor.

As time flies, this Whisperer has learnt that the truth of that belief. There are different types of females, but the type that takes the Whisperer’s interest today is the “gentle stream” type; girls whom one just wants to sit next to, and take in their serenity. These females remind you of the soft sounds a gentle brook makes, as it gently laps at rocks by the shores, a soothing flow that can calm your deepest fears. Men will spend hours meditating here, regaining strength and vitality, able to face the world again, after the rejuvenation this kind of female gives.

This “gentle stream” might be bubbly, effervescent and carefree or she might be quiet, intense and serene, but the effect she has on the spirit is usually a calming one. For the Whisperer, the “gentle stream” female is his favourite kind, waters that remind you of a gentle English streamside as written in old literature texts or some quiet untainted stream in Idanre, a quiet Nigerian town. But this is a personal choice, there are as many choices as there are people.

This Whisperer considers the “gentle stream” complementary to his life, acting as the ying to his yang. The world is made up of a variety of women, however, and some females consider being a gentle stream like this, anathema to their souls. There are females who are unrepentant battleaxes, who give as good as they get and consider having the effect of a gentle “stream”, a sign of weakness. This girl carries a symbolic twin-edged battle axe and faces life’s problems (and sometimes her man) with the weapon readily at her disposal. For some men, the battleaxe is their favourite kind of female, one that is able to keep them on their toes, and at an alert state at all times.

The male equivalent of the Battleaxe is the Warlord. The same way some males crave for females with an edge is the way a certain kind of female seeks out the warlord, a man who is assertive and meets all obstacles on his way, head on. When this sort sees an obstruction, he does not pass its side but climbs over it.

No matter what our preferences our, this is to celebrate the beauty and joys of womanhood, the colour, women, both young and old, add to our lives everyday with their whims and caprices, their moods and their sweet scents. It’s a man’s world they say, but what a bland mono-chromic world it would be if there were no women around.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

I have a confession to make. I kissed a 14 year old. Well, she was 4 months short of 15. I was 2 years and 9 months older than her at the time. Years later, we met as adults, grown and out of our childhood crushes, and as we sat talking, I wondered how her age didnt strike me at that time. It would be impossible to do that now, not being into unformed females. But I kissed a 14 year old once... I look at 14 year-olds now and gag at the thought.

Nigeria's Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie won Britain's Orange Prize for fiction by women, becoming the first African to take the award in its 12-year history, organizers said Wednesday.

Adichie, 29, also the youngest author to have won the prize, was awarded for novel "Half of a Yellow Sun," set during the Nigeria-Biafra conflict of the 1960s.

She beat out finalists including India's Kiran Desai and American writer Anne Tyler for the $60,000, awarded for a novel by a woman published in English. "Yellow Sun" was a finalist earlier this year for the National Book Critics Circle fiction prize.

Adichie had previously been a finalist for her debut novel, "Purple Hibiscus," in 2004.

The award's full title is the Orange Broadband Prize for Fiction after its sponsor, telecommunications company Orange.

A shortlist for 2007 included writers from five countries, from Pulitzer winner Tyler and Booker Prize winner Desai to first-time British novelist Jane Harris.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Many Other Things About Mary

as published in the Sunday Guardian of June 10

My advice to females in “Something about Mary”, not to reveal intimate details of their past, drew reactions from many areas. All the girls who communicated by electronic mail, telephone or in person, were in complete agreement. (For the Girl Whisperer, any female, of any age, is a Girl). Many gave examples of how they had made the grave mistake of telling their partners how many others had been with them in the past and how that act of openness had dealt mortal blows on their relationships. There was mail from a particular man who made the title of his correspondence, “Lies”. According to him, The Whisperer was teaching ‘already loose’ women to keep things from their men and encouraging moral decadence. Right.

The hypocrisy of men in this regard is an experiment worth documenting by scientists. There is no man with a make-up capable of accepting information about the intimate past of his partner, no matter how much we deceive ourselves. The most even-tempered man, regardless of age, social status or creed, would crumble under the sheer weight of the information. Even the Whisperer, able to process all forms of issues concerning females, would not request this details because of the havoc it could create. Men should sit, think, and develop a healthy respect for females who can absorb this level of information without missing a step, information which would blow up the circuitry of any man.

But today’s discussion is really about love that isn’t returned, whether it is the man or woman who is doing all the giving. There is a cardinal rule in this matter, “It’s not who you love, it’s who loves you”. Let all be aware that if you make the mistake of loving someone who doesn’t love you back, it’s a one-way ticket to Heart Break prison and a life sentence without possibility of parole. Many of us fall in love with people who we think are perfect, everything we want in a partner, people we would do anything for. There’s just one tiny impediment; the person feels nothing for us. This object of our passion does not return phone calls, or search us out in a crowd, makes it clear when others are present that we are barely tolerated, and causes us many nights of sleepless misery.

There is only one answer to that; Get out of the relationship. Immediately. You cannot make another person love you against his or her will. If you think this person will learn to love you in the future, you’ve embarked on an exercise of self-delusion. If you have seemingly found the answer to your life-quest, why do you believe this person you are enamoured with is not in pursuit of his or her own true love?

Everyday for a person caught in this web of sado-masochism, will be miserable. There is nothing so pathetic than a person who cringes and grovels to be loved. It is not attractive and only attracts the emotion called pity, which I am sure you will agree is not the ingredient needed for mind-blowing and everlasting relationships. Remember the words of the song, Nature Boy, which goes, “The greatest thing you could ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return”.

Let all, heed the warning of the Whisperer; do not commit yourself to a long-distance relationship in which your partner does not love you as much as you love him or her. This partner never will, and sometime in the future, no matter how long it takes, will seek a more consuming love elsewhere, because every human craves this. Sadly, some will hold on to love that flows in only one direction, in the hope that someday, it will circulate freely. That day may never come, no matter how hard one wishes for it. Pursue those who love you. It’s the way nature designed us to be.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

The Sign of 7

After I was tagged by R with 7 earthly things which has since gone round the web a bit, I thought of another form of 7. There are 7 categories too. Here goes…

7 people I must meet: Mandela, Michael Jordan, Ellen Degeneris, Oprah, Chinua Achebe, Jamie Foxx, Maya Rudolph

7 places I must visit: The Great Wall of China, Cairo, Jerusalem, Malaysia, Stockholm, New York, Berlin

7 films I can watch over and over again: Shawshank Redemption; They call me Trinity; The Good the Bad & The Ugly; The Sounds of Music; Bugsy Malone; Full Metal Jacket; The Pianist

7 best friends through childhood: Rasheed “Rash Boots” Thanni, Wole Adojutelegan, Akin Olusanya, Alfred Adebare, Wole Dosunmu, Segun Idowu, Bimbo ‘Bad News’ Oladipo

7 All-time favourite singers: Sting, Vanessa Williams, Gloria Estafan, Dido, Ebenezer Obey, Nat King Cole, Harry Belafonte

7 most influential people through the childhood years: My mother, my sisters-Funmi & Bande, Gabriel Okon, The Nigerian Television Authority (Sorry), My brothers Sola & Jinta

7 All-time TV programmes- CI 5-The Professionals, Mission Impossible, Martin (The comedy starring Martin Lawrence), Saturday Night Live, In Living Colour, Mud Squad, Lenny Henry in pieces

Tagging everyone reading…

Once, years ago, I was an usher in a neighbourhood church. At a vigil, one night, a pastor walked up to me. “ ’papi, I can smell alcohol, someone’s drunk here”. Sharp nose, I thought, because there were at least a hundred people, but ’papi investigated.

I walked down the aisles, looking for misbehaviour, trying to catch a scent. I’m like a bloodhound in these matters, picked a keen sense of smell from the mater, which can be problematic when you’re with people who do not agree with the finer points of hygiene. The few times I’ve been ill, every smell is amplified, even scented soaps are horrible to inhale.

Back to my sipping saint… So I walked down the aisles, wondering, and like all human beings, trying to use physical appearances to pick a wrong-doer. I saw a man, small and wizened who looked to me like what a drunkard should, sat next to him and waited for the waft of barley to hit me…but nothing. He just sat, unmoving, looking at proceedings like an inspector. After a while, I moved on, puzzled, and then returned to my seat on the front row.

It was time to praise God and the songs began to roll, typical Pentecostal, “throw your cares to the wind” style. Then I noticed him. Moses. A short fair slim young man in his early twenties who stayed around the area and lent a hand at church events. Every time a new song was raised, he’d clamber past two rows of seats and their occupants, yelling his approval, “yayyyyyyyy!”, and then commence dancing a furious jig right in front of the pulpit. In "spiritual" places, exuberance like this is common place and can blend with other innocent expressions of joy, but there was something here, slightly out of place. At the end of each song, he’d return to his seat and then start the entire proceedings again,

After the 3rd yell from Moses, I walked up to him and said, “Come with me”. He did. Some ushers followed too.

’papi: Moses, you’re drunk.

Moses: Me!!!? Me?!!

’papi: I can smell “it” on you.

Other Ushers: Yes, you smell of alcohol

Moses: (Relenting and hazy-eyed, he lapsed into the 3rd-person as if he was trying to cut a deal for being an informer): Ok, what if someone went to a party and he drank somet’in… Just one bottle of wine. Will you say that person is drunk?

Other Ushers: One bottle? And you came to this vigil after?

’papi: Go home, Moses.

(A reluctant Moses complied and all was well)

The last time I heard of Moses, many years ago, I was told he had climbed an electricity pole to effect corrections as unauthorised people do here. Unfortunately for him, power was restored while he was holding the wrong wire, and he was thrown across half the road and broke a leg… but look at the positive side, his running sinuses must have cleared up.

Moses is well now. What brought him to mind? There is a much older Moses in my neighbourhood who fiddles with power transformers in the middle of the night and climbs poles all over the area, causing chaos. He’s also perpetually drunk. A real delirium tremens candidate. Sometimes I wish, he’d get tossed across the length of two streets.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007


I've been blogging since December 2005. It started slowly but I gradually got the hang of it and made my space my own.

I have come across many other bloggers since then, some I consider as real as any member of my family, if not more; others great friends, and then there are those I nod to as I pass. On blogville, blogworld, the blogosphere, the blogrealm, planet blog, we all know each other. "Hello", "good morning", how was your day?" and all that. Civility.

Real friendships have been made and even though we rarely admit to it, real loves as well.

We know some bloggers that are our friends for life. We know if we saw them today, we'd take them for drinks, let them holiday in our homes, lend them money, loan our cars to them...

My theory now: If such bonds can be made here, it means the opposite must be true as well- Real enemies can be made from virtual relationships. We have heard of the onslaught on londonbuki's mother, the concerted attack on Storm a while back, and many other instances. That faceless band of malevolent commentators is the "RONIN", not to be mistaken for the normal, easy-going and balanced commentators who cannot be bothered to blog and therefore come on as anonymous. Some of my favourite commentators are anonymous.

The RONIN is different, a band with no central head, making its members more dangerous. Often they travel in packs and descend upon a situation, snarling, tearing, foaming at the mouth... not seeking to be constructive, but pulling down. Some might have their own blogs but prefer to be "anonymous" or "other" when evil is afoot. For these reason, many bloggers now have "comment moderation". Stray members of the pack come onto my blog from time to time but have not found room in yet, to cause havoc as a whole band.

Today, I found a female member of the Ronin, skulking on my blog, used words directed at me, meant to be derogatory in relation to a series I write for the Guardian Newspapers, "The Girl Whisperer". I wondered why she chose to use those words, for many have written, not always in agreement but they have tried to be decent about it, but then I remembered as I deleted the offensive comment, "there are very bad people out there, and the virtual world is not exempted".

For those of us who disagree with each other atimes, it's a world of free opinions and anyone has a right to be contrary. However, we must never allow it to get personal, or allow it to become an issue of camps, "the East Coast" and "the West Coast". One may prefer a certain set of people, it's the freedom of association, but civility to others is important too.

Therefore, a toast: Here's to the beautiful people I have met on blogger. One last word before we say "down the hatches though"; don't be complacent, an on-line foe may transfer venom to the real world.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Baba (President Obasanjo) is gone now and as an elderly gentleman said to me, he will be judged by posterity.

There were many (including laspapi) who complained of the hardships caused by his policies, but many also said he was sincere in his aim to steer Nigeria aright.

For a man thought to be highly insensitive and draconian, he, it was, who appointed El-Rufai, the man that "demolished" Abuja back into the beauty it was always meant to be, Dora Akinluyi of Nafdac who saved the lives of millions of Nigerians and Soludo who gave meaning to banking and many others.

He didn't get the security of the people right and under him many died who might not have if the police had been better trained and armed. Electricity was also never sorted under Obj. But this 2-time leader left footprints on the sands of time, footprints many will look at closely and judge for many years to come.We will know in a few years if history should be kind to him. He was the first Nigerian President I ever shook hands with, but also one I had no qualms in calling names when I felt he deserved it. What is a "public servant" after all, if not someone you can call names?

laspapi has two words for him as he goes.

"Adieu Obasanjo".

Was informed a few minutes ago by a very apologetic Sekinat, an associate producer on New Dawn, that the Funmi Iyanda recording on Bloggers has been postponed due to a closure of the NTA Studios intended for that use. The new date will be announced shortly.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

The Girl Whisperer

The Lady is a Tramp

as published by The Guardian on Sunday June 3.

There’s the old Walt Disney cartoon, The Lady and The Tramp, but my title’s a bit different. What happens when the lady you love, the girl of your dreams, the one you spend your days dreaming of and your nights fantasizing about; what happens when she’s really a tramp and will go with anything or anyone that asks her? The undoing of some men is that they fall hard, for a female that would be considered easy and extremely generous by many other men. Despite the remonstrance of friends, family and well-wishers, they pour unappreciated affection, gifts and adulation in the direction of a Tramp.
It’s an obsessive fixation and proves like is said that “everybody is somebody’s fool”. Unfortunately, being a fool for a tramp can only result in pain for the person who has this misguided affection. There are no happy endings here.

I’ll bring to mind the story of the man who rescued a snake he found near the point of death. He took the snake home, fed it and nursed it back to health. After a few months of this care, the snake regained its health and strength. One day, the rescuer came back home and stretched out his hand to pat the snake on the head but got bitten on the hand as he did so. He yelled in astonishment and pain, tears in his eyes, “you bit me after all I’ve done for you?”. The snake replied, “I don’t know what you mean, I’m a snake, that is what I do, I bite!”.

The man who takes a tramp in and expects anything different is sadly deluded as “a man (or woman) in this case cannot give what he does not have”. The female in the equation is unable to control herself, regards affection and tender love as a weakness and a wise man would find other appreciative females for any outpouring of love he might wish to display.
The Whisperer wishes it known that the tramp can come from any social class; a wealthy one, the middleclass or a poverty stricken background. Being loose is not always on account of having little or no money. The default setting in her genetic make-up is to be a tramp, and a man who thinks he can be her knight on a white charger and save her from herself will learn the true meanings of the words, “misery and pain”.
The rehabilitation of such a female had better be left to psychologists who are paid to roam the minds of such wonders of the world. A man who feels it is his calling in life to rescue such a female will learn the hard way.

By the way, predators can smell a tramp ten leagues off, and will home in on her like heat-seeking missiles after a fighter plane. They will find her and hover permanently around making the life of a man with serious intentions a miserable one.
How can you tell if the lady you like is a tramp? That’s an easy one. Firstly, no matter how much you love her, you will always have the feeling that she is slightly bewildered at your love which she will probably lack the capacity to return. All the men that surround her and call her phone at 2am will be passed off as calling in respect of church meetings or work matters.

You will know in your heart you are being defrauded. If you choose to stay in such a relationship, you need psycho-analysis too. This Whisperer has met a few tramps, and even if they drive the best cars and wear the nicest perfumes, don’t be led by the nose.
Is there any such thing as a retired tramp? I'd be the last person to say there is no redemption for a certain kind of woman. The world is made up of many sorts, which is why it is such a wonderful place. All I’m saying is, don’t allow yourself be used as a specimen in nature’s experiment.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Home(Lagos)-based bloggers interested in appearing on the National Network programme, New Dawn with Funmi Iyanda, who's a blogger herself, to discuss the blogging phenomenon in Nigeria, on Thursday, June 7, should get in touch with laspapi through this blog or by e-mailing


picture copyright-laspapi


The call continues to all Nigerian bloggers, worldwide to become a part of An anthology of the greatest works of Nigerian Bloggers-

A book called Naija bloggers Vol 1.

Nigerian Bloggers around the globe are requested to send in their stories for publication in a physical anthology, the first of its kind by any group of bloggers on any continent.

The categories are anecdotes, short stories, poetry, prose, drama and essays but there is room for as many sub-categories as are sent in as the book will also serve as a platform where artistes can showcase architectural/interior/exterior designs, photography, paintings as well as fashion and textile designs. Submissions are therefore welcome on any topic whether covered here or not.

Bloggers may submit up to 5 entries on any topic or issue but no blogger may have more than 3 works published. The Copyright of Articles remains the possession of the original writers.

The profiles of writers will be added to the anthology (those who wish to remain anonymous may do so, however)

Royalties will be discussed with selected contributors before publication.

The intention is to publish worldwide in stages, first stage being Nigeria and to make the book available all over the world.

It is expected that a compilation of the best of Nigerian minds on the internet will make fantastic reading, show a new and much needed side of Nigerians to the entire world, as well as give access to those who are not internet-inclined.

Submissions should be sent to not later than Friday, June the 15th 2007 stating date of blogging and blogname/address.

Please note that submission does not automatically guarantee the publication of all or any of the works. The final selection will be made by respected Nigerian writers including Jahman Anikulapo, Editor of the Guardian on Sunday.

Kindly link this post on your blog.

co-ordinator- laspapi

ps. Comments by some bloggers reveal hesitancy in being part of the anthology on account of a lack of confidence in their own writing abilities. There are many brilliant Nigerian bloggers out there. Stand up and be counted.

Read previous comments on this post here.