laspapi- O Progeny Miraculous Particular Spectaculous....

I don't know what it is with me and the past these past few days (excuse the bad pun).

This is for the Waffarian whose post on her blog took me to better, better times- when cares were few and the air was cleaner, when smiles had no sinister motives and one did not fear one's neighbour.

More this, more that.

As I drove on Adeniran Ogunsanya Street a few weeks back, this fellow came to my car. "I am deaf and dump (sic), his placard read, and I thought, "this will make a good picture". As I reached for the camera and pointed, he stepped back and away from the camera, and I wasn't sure if he had struck a pose for the camera or was an antelope caught in the lights of a speeding truck late at night. It was his expression that struck me.

I couldn't get him off my mind as I drove off. He's my brother, my countryman. Time and Chance happen to us all.

Ebun Olatoye of True Love Magazine interviewed me on spirituality in the May Edition.. The column is called Soul Food.
Double click on picture to read interview.

THE BOLD, THE COOL, THE BEAUTIFUL

Met up with a princess of the Ibru Dynasty, Elvina, today. After discussing the project she had in mind, I picked up a pen to interview her for these series.

Laspapi: What does your name, ‘Elvina’, mean?
El: “Friend of the Elf”.

Laspapi: Friend of…?
El: Why my mum named me that is beyond comprehension. Maybe she thought I’d like short people. (She laughs) Seriously though, my mum thought of naming me after her father ‘Edvin’ but didn’t like ‘Edvina’ so she chose ‘Elvina’. We found out later, it meant ‘friend of the elf’.

Laspapi: The meaning of Ibru?
El: That name has history. It was originally “Igburu”. It means wrestler. It also means shelter. My great-grand dad was a warrior, a wrestler, a protector of people. He was the Olotu (a field marshal) and he acted as a cover or protector for his people.

Laspapi: Your native name?
El: Ese-wure (Kindness lasts forever) I was born 2 months early (May 22), exactly a week after my grand-dad died. He had told my grand-mum, “I’m coming back now, as a girl”. He said the girl would have his heart…

Laspapi: Have you ever been in love?
El: (laughs) I think so…

Laspapi: Define love then
El: Love is God and vice-versa. Love is also when it doesn’t matter how many people are in the room, if he’s not there, the party doesn’t function for you. Love is kindness, reaching out. Love isn’t blind. That’s B^&l S*&t. It sees very clearly.

Laspapi: You have a company called 2ce as nice… Why?
El: My size...

Laspapi: What does the company do?
El: It’s a production company. We’re partnering with Freemantle and Pan African Entertainment to produce West African Idol.

Laspapi: Is that profitable?
El: Quite so.

Laspapi: Who do you look up to?
El: My late mother. She was beautiful, intelligent and hardworking. But it never distracted her from looking after 7 children. She taught me humility. She was half German, half Cameroonian, which is why I’m so fair-complexioned .

Laspapi: If you had only 5 minutes to leave the country, what would you take?
El: My nieces and nephews and my 10 god-children. As many kids as I can gather.

Laspapi played free association with Elvina. She’d give the first word she could think of when a word is mentioned.

Love….Hate
Marriage…Scary
Money…Plenty
Sex…Pleasurable
God…Everything
Nigeria…Potential
Nollywood…Growing
Hollywood…Madness

Laspapi: Clothes maker?
El: Anything African and comfortable. No favourite designer because they don’t do clothes for big people.

Lapapi: Perfume?
El: DKNY, Princess by Vera Wang

Laspapi: Where will you be 10 years from now?
El: I’ll be married with 2 kids and start an orphanage (It’s a big project. An orphanage that’s really the size of a village). I’d like to be a well-respected and powerful entertainment power house like an African Oprah Winfrey.

Laspapi: Why Tattoos? (I counted 3 on Elvina, one on the bicep, one on the leg and a fresh one on her right forearm)
El: They’re pretty (Laspapi agrees)

Laspapi: A word for young people who strive to be like you?
El: 1)Put God in all you do
2) Never compromise your sexuality as a woman because you think it’ll get you somewhere
3) Being stubborn is a good asset. If people say you can’t because- you’re too ugly, you’re fat, Nigeria has no infrastructure so you can’t do “West African Idol”-press on. Being obstinate has advantages.

She adds, I come from a wealthy background and was privileged to have a good education so I don’t want to say “work hard” and run the risk of sounding patronizing, but being able to say, I CAN and I WILL, goes a long way. Look at Oprah’s background and where she is now. One needs a positive spirit.

Laspapi: What would you like to be remembered for?
El: Changing the life of at least one child for the better.

No Victor, No Vanquished. Action Congress Supporters tie their symbol, the broom, to the image of Musiliu Obanikoro, flag bearer of the PDP in the Lagos State Governorship Race. Musiliu lost to Fashola of the Action Congress.

OPEN LETTER TO OUR COMMANDER(S)-IN-CHIEF

Tonight, as I was returning from the island, after a hectic day, I linked Eko Bridge via Adeniji Adele/Ijora Olopa. The Man United v AC Milan 'Champions League' match was on and I was hoping to make part of the second half. As I drove down the bridge, the National Arts Theatre to my left, I saw traffic further down. Thinking to myself, "Oh, no!" (I don't do traffic), I advanced closer and... Chaos!!!

People were sprinting from their cars and from buses, screaming "ole!!!" (Thieves), "armed robbers" etc. Cars had parked daigonally on the bridge, headlights on, engines running, their drivers and passengers racing towards me.

I got out of my car and thought furiously as confusion enveloped a dark bridge only illuminated by headlights at 9pm (there are no working street-lamps on Eko bridge.
"Leave the car?" There was no way the car could move. Cars had parked behind me, their drivers long gone. The Meridian was too high to climb with a car. Being on foot was as dangerous if not more. Drivers coming down the opposite lane to the island screamed, "armed robbers!!"

I thought, "laspapi, you have disobeyed your own cardinal rule of Lagos driving. Never get caught in traffic at night time in "black spots".

I backed away from my car and stood on the meridian that separated the lanes. A taxi driver exclaimed that if there were no robbers ahead, they'd probably been attracted by the long queue and commotion and would be coming from the back. Not very reassuring. I noticed an open manhole by the place where I stood, and peered into it. It seemed to have a ledge and I knew that would be one of the places these people sprung from in times when they sought victims in traffic, or those trying to repair disabled cars.

After a while, the vehicles began to move and some finally returning to their cars said there hadn't really been robbers there, and it had just been a car accident. Others said the robbers had descended through the Costain end.
I noticed 3 northern types seated beside a car that was facing the wrong way and had a smashed window at the side. One of them had blood on his knee while another made a call on his phone.

Now was the accident caused by the driver, or by the threat of the robbers if there had been any?

However it is, the Nigerian government is a long way from where it should be. Can one imagine armed robbers 'operating' on London Bridge 8 or 9 times a month? Or on Route 66? So do we have a government? Is a country where people abandon their cars regualarly to urban bandits and take to their heels, a successful state? The Lagos State government said it couldn't handle security because the police are on the federal government's exclusive list and the federal government jealously guards its inept enforcement machinery. The Odu'a Peoples Congress (OPC) known for its vigilante activities enjoyed more confidence from the populace than the police did. It lessened its security activities because of repeated brushes with the government.

If you (Obasanjo/Yar' Adua) do not provide street and security lights to encourage commerce and security, does it not mean you're totally oblivious of the needs of the people and are not fit to rule? If at age 47, Nigeria cannot have constant electricity to power the few lights there are, do we not have a problem of leadership?

If you do not arm the police force and provide incentives for them to face the #$%^&$% called "daredevil armed robbers", does it not mean you're playing Russian Roulette with the lives of your people and the said people should refuse to listen to you? I'm tired of railing against the police (my friend Ayo Arigbabu says I "rant" where the police are concerned). If they had proper and modern arms and not the WWII "Tommy Guns" they carry around, then maybe we could hold them responsible for not controlling the ills of the society. At the moment, they are in as much danger as we are.

If the lives of the people mean so little to you, should we not take matters in our own hands? Are we saying there weren't people aged above 70 and 75 in some of the vehicles on that bridge? Were they forced to run too, do you think, Honourable Sirs? In other countries, citizens above 60 are given free transport passes. Here we kill them on pension queues. Let this government note the words of Bertolt Brecht- "When the present is intolerable, the unknown habours no risks".

Just in case you ever lose your immunity and soldiered motorcades, and are forced to crawl out from beneath the Rock, here are a few of the blackspots in Lagos your excellencies should avoid:

The Mile 2 to Okokomaiko Road- Commuters here run a gauntlet of death every night. Armed Robbers join buses and dispossess passengers regularly. Bus-stops are not safe either, on this route. The Iyana Iba/Iba-Igando Road is as dangerous.

Apongbon- Rush Hour has become dangerous. Car windows are smashed in "grab and runs". A few months ago, a young female had her lung pierced as her car window was smashed in. She died from the injury.

Ijora Olopa/Adeniji Adele- Often known for hoodlums grabbing handbags and necklaces off drivers. Stories abound (I have witnessed one myself and another near miss)

Lekki-Ajah Express way- A relative was pursued in his car by robbers from the law school area. They didn't stop till he rammed a bill board. The car was beyond salvage.

Eko Bridge- Towards the Costain end (Notorious and recognized as such by the "closing from work" Lagos crowd

Apapa-Oshodi Expressway/Cele-Ijesha bus-stops- Terrible places to be at night for the unwary. Gangs march up and down these roads looking for stragglers and cars with problems

Osbourne Road Ikoyi/Under the Dolphin Estate Bridge- Robbers create their own checkpoints and cause havoc there.

Now if I know so much, how about the police? More guns, more equipment, more incentive, better pay and better governance. As I wrote earlier, I have decided not to blame the Police for any ills hereinafter. This deaf government is responsible for the carnage on our streets,for the accidents that are caused by the lack of lighting, for the ones Clifford Orji killed, ate and sold because they could not see the hidden manholes at "Toyota", for the many skeletons of unwary passersby found in the ditch just after the National Arts Theatre (at the Ijora-7up end) .

Hopefully, when there are no longer any motorcades to ferry you around, you'll fall into the hands of the boys-the boys at iyana iba. Wouldn't that be a thing of joy? Now, that would be leadership by example.

THIS AND THAT

Yar'Adua, flag bearer of the PDP has been selected, ahem, elected to be the next President of Nigeria.

Maudeline All-Bright, the ex-Secretary of State of the USA, was on air in Nigeria as an observer, to state that the elections went well,despite a few short-comings. Last time an American Official, "Pickering", spoke publicly on our politics, the President-Elect (MKO) died, which should tell us something.

I submitted last Sunday's 'Whisperer' column late so it didn't make the papers. It's actually the coming Sunday's (29th), 'The Domestic Boxer', publication you've read here.

Nilla is back in Nigeria.

Adedibu, the Ibadan strongman has made his son, god-son and son-in-law, senators in Oyo State. Of course, his protege, Alao-Akala is also governor-elect.

Broken Walls, my stage play on Mental Health and its attendant complications, will be presented in collaboration with the Federal Neuro-Psychiatric Hospital, Yaba (Yaba Psychiatric Hospital)at the Muson Centre on Sunday May 13. Admission is free. Cocktail at 6pm. Show begins at 7pm. The Host of the proceedings will be Dr. H.T.O. Ladapo, Medical Director of the establishment