The Girl Whisperer

as published by the Sunday Guardian

of October 7

The Generation Gap

The older I get, the more I observe how it is perfectly possible for intimate partners to be separated by many years. Often, it is the man who is older, and frequently, ten to fifteen year gaps and sometimes even more, are no longer out of the ordinary. In some cases, it is the female who is older, one of the most celebrated cases worldwide being that of Demi Moore, ex-wife of the “Die-Hard” actor, Bruce Willis. Demi, a good-looking woman is 42 and her current husband, Ashton Kutcher, 27.

So, is there a problem with relationships that are between people of different generations? Theoretically, a man who goes out with a girl he is 16 or 17 years older than, is biologically able to father that partner. Should society frown at this manner of relationship, and if society does concern itself, should the partners care?

Sometimes, there is a danger inherent in people of the same age choosing each other as partners. The rapidity of the maturity of females can be mind-blowing in many cases. As a 15 year old, I had girls about my age who were “girlfriends” but in retrospect, I wonder what they really must have thought of my actions and ways of thinking then, and how some of my more immature actions must have appeared to them. Females have a tendency to mature faster than the male gender, in body and mind, accepting the reality that is life much faster than men do, and it is a rare 15-year-old male that can match up with his female counterpart in issues at that age. It takes a while, often, for the male to catch up in reasoning, in logic and in maturity.

Now, make no mistake, there are many relationships between age-mates and peers that work out very well, the male partner in this case having the necessary composure and presence of mind to ensure the smooth running of the partnership.

Some might say the relationship generation gap thing is just about men wanting to trade in older women for newer models, wanting slim, nubile ‘trophies’ instead of partners who are struggling to resist the pull of gravity on “assets” that were once prime estate. This might be true in some cases, but the truth remains that in many cases, men sometimes reach an age when they are as comfortable with their peers as with females who are much younger than they are. The natural poise of many women also enables them to carry on meaningful discourse with older men allowing relationships to develop. Men are sometimes drawn to younger women because many of the things the men have achieved attract the respect of the younger females. Women who have seen a man struggle through years of nothingness are less likely to be impressed by his strutting and preening when he finally achieves success. Some men seek the validity of appreciation from younger partners. A bit selfish, I reckon, but relationships even between peers come about for many reasons, some as strange as the one jut mentioned.

The other side of women attaining maturity and physical prime, faster, is that when men finally attain their physical prime, they usually stay there longer. There was an article I read a short while ago, where the female writer in her twenties (I can’t recall her name) said she found herself more and more, strongly attracted to PSGs or Powerful Sexy Greys as she put it. Men who even though aging and greying are at the acme of their confidence, assurance gained from years of overcoming obstacles, positive achievements and repeated successes.

So we go back to the question, is there anything the matter with relationships where there are huge age differences? The viewpoint of the Whisperer is that people must only have relationships they are comfortable with. Your life is yours to live exactly as you want and as long as your choice falls within the law, (a thirty year old having a relationship with a fourteen year old will spend a long time in prison and justifiably so), you may have anyone you desire as long as the person is willing to have you. Just ensure that both partners are qualified as adults within the law.

There will always be the generational gap issue in relationships, but it is the state of the hearts of those in the equation that matters. The key is finding someone you care about enough, and turning your back on prejudices that will bring you unhappiness.