Thursday, January 24, 2008

THE BLACK WIDOW

An elderly relative's husband had died and laspapi did the impossible, he paid a condolence visit. Make no mistake, family is important to me, but I also believe that your family does not consist of those whom you are tied to by blood, but of those whom you would give your blood for. She not being in the blood donor category, I hadn't been to see her for a long while and from all indications, she cared as little for me, but when I heard of the death, I appeared like a genie, thinking, "you're older, man. Be nice."

Shock, amazement and looks of pleasant surprise on the faces of all. I smiled, expressed my heart-felt sympathy as I moved through the room, asked for the widow. She was lying on a couch, like an ancient Roman aristocrat. People fawned, she looked sufficiently sad. She looked as if she had been in that position for a while.

As I approached her, I saw the analytical look, up and down, a quick one. I murmured sympathy... "Yes, it's me, laspapi. I hope you are well". I sat for a while, chatting, observing, being observed, the usual thing people do at gatherings. Then I went to the balcony and looked down at the street scene as dusk walked through the skies.

The apartment was three storeys up. I stood contemplating life, and then death that must come to all, then heard footsteps behind me. It was the widow. "E pele, ma" (Sorry Ma). I thought she had come to tell me not to stay away from family, a nasty habit of mine where the extended family is concerned. She said in Yoruba:

WIDOW: What car did you bring?

Laspapi: (Not sure he had heard right) Ma!?

WIDOW: Your car? What car did you come here in?

laspapi: (thinking he was going to be warned to re-park in a no-theft zone) Errr, it's downstairs.

WIDOW: (Straining to look) Show me.

laspapi: (Pointing) That one...

WIDOW: (She looks long and hard)

laspapi: (stands bemused as Widow retreats into the room to recline on her Romano-Greco chair again) *thinking* I haven't seen her in four years, her husband lies dead and she wants to know what car ...

All the appearances on tv and in the newspapers make people think strange things. I really ought to buy a jeep and then another. Make them all mad.

20 comments:

Nonesuch said...

lol. Dont we all have them!

Rayo said...

How strange...

uknaija said...

At first I thought you were joking and then , having reflected on the actions of some of my family members, I realized you just might not have been...

Music Child said...

Hey papi!lol,this will make a good chapter in some1 play, I have stolen it, shd u see it anywea b not alarmed!lol
Incidently I what u 2 meet a young film maker but not now,when the time is upoun us I shall let u know.

Red

shola pacheco said...

huh,that question was wah ho,ok now maybe u really need to move to vgc and then the jeep,abi this is 08 papi,anything positive goes

how yah doing brossssssssssssssss papi orin miiiiiiiiii ooooo

Chude! said...

Hmm... laspapi. I dont count myself amongst the overtly superstitious, but if I were you i'd be getting prayer points from MFM pastor's and sending her evil arrows back to her!

Allied said...

Lol.. are u serious? OMG.. some people sha

Omosewa said...

That was VERY weird!

laspapi said...

@ nonesuch :D

How've you been, nonesuch? Hope last Xmas was great fun for you and the family.

@ rayo- tell me bout it, rayo

@ uknaija- no joke, uk. It happened like that.

@ music child- Because you flatter me, you may steal all you want. Your young film maker's name is Spielberg? Time is of the essence o! Soon, you'll have to talk to my protocol officers :P

@ shola- I'm not going to VGC, I took a drive through Parkview and decided I'd found my home. I like your order, first the house then the jeep. Shola, I live and wake that song. I promise.

@ chude- Let the arrows come. You know there are people God put here to be a rock of offence. I was sent to the world to annoy some people. Honest. My real name is Ajantala who jumped up, beat all the guests at his naming ceremony and chased them down the road.

You have time to find sponsorship for me now, Chude? When I'm rich and own the street on Parkview, walahi! you won't treat me like this.

@ Allied- The world is a fearful place atimes, believe me

@ omosewa- beautiful child, you should have been there to see how weird it made ME feel.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

lmao... first thing na hummer.. hummer hummer one million dollar.. dollar dollar...

...the rest of the song doesnt apply...

(and yeah i'm mad at u)

Ariiyike said...

..she was probably overwhelmed in her sorrow
...she might not even realise the implication of her question and subsequent action.
Forget it!

Uzo said...

Emm...Maybe her own coping mechanism?

Bizarre is an understatement...I wonder what she was thinking....

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

he hehe i dont know what u have been waiting for all this time sef, u mean u dont drive a jeep yet!!!! im not speaking to u again until u get that house in parkview and d range rover. ha ha its 2008 ke!!!
lol @chude, motuntain of fire loun loun??

laspapi said...

@ ONB- I love you for life, Storm. You know that can't be changed by anything or anyone.
And you were on the phone when I called.

@ ariyike- ehhrr, I know this woman o...

@ uzo- strange thoughts, certainly. And yeah, she seemed to be coping well with her loss.

@ 36" - I promise both house and 'tractor' will be ready before the year is out. In the interim, may we continue talking? Abeg!

Sherri said...

na wah o,
she must be really grieving.lol

abeg o, live ur life for thyself o

30+ said...

There is perfectly logical explanation. She was contemplating hiring your car to move the coffin.

Wetin you wan make I say...that she is strange or rather materialistc?

No way o

BTW my pastor once said when you see people mourning at a death scene, it is usually for different reasons and loss of the dear one is just a small portion of it.

Aladura said...

'Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are'. We may translate this to mean 'Show me your car and I will determine how successful you are'.

These days many will judge you by your car - colleagues, the opposite sex, neighbours, security forces, and relatives. This phenomenon is worldwide.

fluffycutething said...

Couldn't get over this post...

Had to come back and get another read LOL

Orisirisi

Chude! said...

laspapi - u said we would meet o!!!!!!!!!!!

esquire said...

She might have thought you came to oppress (since they haven't seen you in a long time); to show them how rich you have become, but she was disappointed. You disappointed me to laspapi. You should buy a hummer, probably the first, then second and third! Then go home often.