The Girl Whisperer

as published by

The Sunday Guardian of Feb 17

Men in Black

Every time I see our police officers, I wonder at who had the bright idea to kit them in black in the tropical sun of West Africa. These men, standing in the blistering heat, wear a colour any kindergarten-aged child could easily tell you of the top of her head, is the most undesirable to wear in our climate. In a land where heat shimmers of the ground like a force field, it often causes great discomfort to even walk in the sun, irrespective of what colour is worn. When the colour imposed is black, it‘s a suicide mission. The wearer is often visibly irritable and usually overtly aggressive as well. We do not have to go far to see the reason for this outlook. When you are being slowly cooked alive at your work post, chances are you will snap at anything that crosses your way and you will soon gain the reputation of being a very belligerent person. To top it all, the individuals who are already walking a tightrope caused by the weather are given guns to ‘control’ civilians. There can be fewer more deadly cocktails than this mix. Let’s face it, people in air-conditioned cars in our society experience road rage even in the comfort of their cool automobiles. It’s a wonder therefore that a tenth of the population of this city has not been decimated by these men in black just losing any kind of reserve they had and firing wildly into crowded vehicles.

What does the discomfort of the police have to do with a column that deals with women’s issues, you may ask. That’s an easy one to answer. Many women in relationships are poorly clothed (in a figurative sense now) and ill equipped by their male partners and are given little or no tools to make the relationship work. These women are then expected to work wonders in making the relationship a happy, progressive one. The woman is expected to be a mind reader, to always be in a happy mood, to anticipate the needs of her ‘better half’ and to generally make home and hearth a very conducive place for habitation.

Much the same way no one shows concern and very little sympathy fort the regular police officer, very few care about the tools that have been given the female in the relationship to perform this magic. It matters little if the forces she has to face possess superior firepower, the necessary infrastructure and logistics support. All that is often demanded are results, failure not being an option.

In a relationship where the male has little interest in keeping the relationship working, he rarely lets the female know how she may go about getting the best out of the partnership. His demands are high but he never shows the way through which she can achieve these results. The female is left feeling frustrated, inept and unsure of what to do to keep her partner happy.

The whisperer advices women who are in relationships where they have not been aided with the knowledge of how to ensure a smooth running by their partners to reconsider. Except the female finds immense satisfaction in pain, you should only follow the things that give you happiness. Life is too short to spend around a person or situation that affects your moods negatively. If a mountain is too high, you must take its side, if a door too short, bend your head.

The reason for the very low level of productivity of the real men in black, if you take the time to be fair, is the fact that they have very little or nothing to go on. They are not trained well enough, have to buy their own uniforms, are underpaid, are poorly equipped, and are given little or no incentives, even though they have to lay their lives on the line every time they step on the roads.

The ill-treated woman is just like the men in black. She has to make up her mind if she wants to stay in the situation that gives her so much stress or move on and get on with her life and seek happiness in other places. For the eternally optimistic and those whose tumblers are always half-full, there might be better days ahead but the more realistic should know when they are fighting a losing battle. There are some situations we are not meant to be in, and if it does not feel comfortable, there is something the matter. If you try it on in several ways and it still does not fit, it is time to move on. It’s a beautiful world and there is so much beauty to take I, do not waste your time going down mazes that lead to dead-ends. If you go too far in, you might never be able to find your way back.