Thursday, September 13, 2007

Subject: THE POINTS SYSTEM

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make your woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

Simple duties:

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
You replace the toilet roll when it is empty (0)
When the toilet roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom (-2)
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
In the snow/rain (+8)
But return with beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise at night and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise at night and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with a six iron (+10)
It's her pet (-10)


Social Engagements:

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while,
then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy (-2)
Named Tiffany (-4)
Tiffany is a dancer (-6)
Tiffany has implants (-80)


Her birthday:

You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)


A Night Out With the Boys:

Go with a pal (-5)
The pal is happily married (-4)
Or frighteningly single (-7)
And he drives a Mustang (-10)
With a personalised license plate GR8 N BED) (-15)


A Night Out:

You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called Deathcop 3 (-3)
Which features cyborgs that eat humans (-9)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)


Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and
baggy Hawaiian shirt (-30)
You say, "it doesn't matter, you have one, too." (-8000)


The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-1)
(Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)


Communication:

When she wants to talk about a problem
You listen, displaying what looks a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+1000)
She realises this is because you have fallen asleep (-2000)

13 comments:

JJ said...

LMAO!!! That's too funny! See how the points just gets zapped with no mercy. Lol, that's hilarious.
You should come up with a points system for the women too.

catwalq said...

LMAO
Hilarious.
I guess they cannot win no matter what they do.
Which one is the woman's own? Let me guess

You can throw down in the kitchen +10,000
And in the bedroom + 100,000
You don't try to drive his car +100
You are not the skinny chick with silicone boobs and collagen derriere -150,000
His mummy does not like you -300,000

rethots said...

...from experience???

~Mimi~ said...

LOL! papi..

kk where did u get this, cos my pastor in church preached on the points system (not exactly on it, he just used it to xplain stuff) so i wanna know what both of u have been reading :)

i will update soon :)

Isi said...

lol!!! (note: i am holding my stomach choking with laughter and hubby is hitting my back scared to death... until he looks at my computer!!!)
wait! in 'do i look fat?', i think a reply like: "it doesn't matter, you still look as pretty as the day i met you in the molue!" should get like +5. ladies love it when their men utter such lies! lol!!!!!!

laspapi said...

@ jj - you've given food for thought about doing a points system for the women too

@ catwalq- hmmm, not all men are into silicone, cat.
You're spot on about the car issue.

@ rethots- pleading the 5th

@ ~mimi~ Found it nestled in the midst of 5 year old mail, ~idol~. Your pastor knows what's up. Glad you're updating.

@ isi- glad you liked it, Isi. What'd your hubby think after he read it?

Kpakpando said...

thou shalt never hesitate in answering a question posed to you of that nature " am I fat? are you trying to say she's finer than me? aren't I the best cook you know" etc. A micro second of hesitation and u deserve the dagger eyes and over-salted food you're going to get

~Mimi~ said...

Groupie!!

lol..i've updated oh...it coincided with ur last comment...once again..

:)

catwalq said...

where is the girl whisperer for this weekend, ehn?
or do i have my days mixed up?
oh, and have u seen the latest installment of the academie?

laspapi said...

coming, catwalq, and I've seen the latest instalment. You're brilliant as always.

My 2 cents said...

This is the funniest thing I have see or read in a long time. Hilarious! Very true.. very very true!!

Isi said...

hubby thinks the article is all that... and a bag of chips! lol!!

30+ said...

No easy life for those men o, keep them on a tight leach