(I get mail from people concerning the "Girl Whisperer" articles published in the Guardian every week. Some are really touching, some leave me open-mouthed. I delete the crazy ones but I kept a few. See below)
my name is phina,plz i wnt to no more about big brother
africa i will like to be one of them.
plz sir mail me buy tomorrow ,dis is my contact
0807...(Phone Number obscured by laspapi. This was sent in response to the article, 'Big Brother is watching you'. The article had a picture of Meryll, the fresh evictee from the reality show)
Subject: my lover (from john ....) Sweet,i love you so mush,try as much as possible to mail me.Or if you want to know me better,you can call this number 0803....Please is very important. (Photos of females placed on the Whisperer page confuse the dim as to the gender of this writer)
Hi Baby Girl,
How are you doing?
I love you baby my name is Emma from Abuja FCT. I came across your photograph in one of your magazines.
I love you so much, Bbay, you are looking cool and sweet.
send me your phone number for further communication.
Get back to me as soon as possible.
Thanks Bye Baby
and then to the insane:
from "Lady Duvine"
Hi Laspapi, I read your blog regularly and I must say I really enjoy it! I also never miss the girl whisperer on sundays. Just read your latest post, you are in luck! I am a thorough bred, anais anais (my favourite perfume) perfumed lady. I ll be at your 3pm show today, would love to meet you, I am assuming you are single, ofcourse.
This one claimed to have been at my shows but I think I know who the jobless slug is.
from "kiette Peters" firstname.lastname@example.org i have held back from sending you this mail, becasue i don't know what you will think of me. i have attended some of your shows and i really enjoyed them. i like you a lot, if i can be forward, but i will stop there.
i hate to be rejected, so i wait for a go on signal. can you be chased or are you taken?
laspapi's reply: Intriguing e-mail, Ms. Peters. Why don't you come to another show and introduce yourself after?
Enjoy your weekend.
"kiette Peters" email@example.com Hello,
Sorry I haven't been here. Would have replied last week, but my system went off, and it just got fixed.
Unless I find a way of coming to the shows alone, I cannot introduce myself. But I will have to explain to my boyfriend why I want to go for the show alone. We live together. He also loved your show, but has been quite busy else we would have come again.
I couldn't be bothered with the charade anymore so I let the imbecile be.