Monday, September 24, 2007

When the whisper becomes a scream...

(I get mail from people concerning the "Girl Whisperer" articles published in the Guardian every week. Some are really touching, some leave me open-mouthed. I delete the crazy ones but I kept a few. See below)

my name is phina,plz i wnt to no more about big brother
africa i will like to be one of them.
plz sir mail me buy tomorrow ,dis is my contact
0807
...(Phone Number obscured by laspapi. This was sent in response to the article, 'Big Brother is watching you'. The article had a picture of Meryll, the fresh evictee from the reality show)

Subject: my lover (from john ....) Sweet,i love you so mush,try as much as possible to mail me.Or if you want to know me better,you can call this number 0803....Please is very important. (Photos of females placed on the Whisperer page confuse the dim as to the gender of this writer)

Hi Baby Girl,
How are you doing?
I love you baby my name is Emma from Abuja FCT. I came across your photograph in one of your magazines.
I love you so much, Bbay, you are looking cool and sweet.
send me your phone number for further communication.
Get back to me as soon as possible.

Thanks Bye Baby

Emma
0802.......


and then to the insane:

from "Lady Duvine"

Hi Laspapi, I read your blog regularly and I must say I really enjoy it! I also never miss the girl whisperer on sundays. Just read your latest post, you are in luck! I am a thorough bred, anais anais (my favourite perfume) perfumed lady. I ll be at your 3pm show today, would love to meet you, I am assuming you are single, ofcourse.

Lady



This one claimed to have been at my shows but I think I know who the jobless slug is.

from "kiette Peters" kietee@gmail.com i have held back from sending you this mail, becasue i don't know what you will think of me. i have attended some of your shows and i really enjoyed them. i like you a lot, if i can be forward, but i will stop there.
i hate to be rejected, so i wait for a go on signal. can you be chased or are you taken?


laspapi's reply: Intriguing e-mail, Ms. Peters. Why don't you come to another show and introduce yourself after?

Enjoy your weekend.



"kiette Peters" kietee@gmail.com Hello,

Sorry I haven't been here. Would have replied last week, but my system went off, and it just got fixed.

Unless I find a way of coming to the shows alone, I cannot introduce myself. But I will have to explain to my boyfriend why I want to go for the show alone. We live together. He also loved your show, but has been quite busy else we would have come again.
Sometime soon


I couldn't be bothered with the charade anymore so I let the imbecile be.

11 comments:

atinuke said...

And all I can say at this point is...
BUT WHY?
Do some people really have no shame?

(This reminds me - havent been to Theatre @ Terra yet....maybe this Sunday)

catwalq said...

Stalkers ahoy.
You sef...tsk tsk tsk
where is teh Girl whisperer page on the net? is there one? why am I just hearing that?
na wah

laspapi said...

looking forward to seeing you again, atinuke

@ catwalq- this is the GW page on the net. For the time being, anyway. Forget the stalkers, catwalq, let's make our movie.

Uzo said...

Hilarious! Can i just say for the record:

Honey Laspapi, my Nigerian papi that i am weak for you. The level of love i have for you has no definition. In fact, my chest is paining me because of the way my heart is beating kpoom, kpoom.

Give me the signal and not only will i be at your show - any one, i will come in my wedding dress which has been hanging in my wardrobe for the past 5 years.

Your loving sweetheart.

LASPAPI: ON NO ACCOUNT SHOULD YOU SLIP AND PUT UP YOUR REAL PHONE NUMBER OR ADDRESS HERE...

LOL

Mona said...

LOLOL

HILARIOUS

but what show are these guys talking about?

and yes u shd register ur domain and start featuring ur girl whisperers on the net n add that in the guardian at the end of ur articles

obviously only published after the guardian has published theirs :)

laspapi said...

Uzo- Can't stop grinning at your "love declaration". But a dress that's been in the wardrobe for 5 years? I wasn't the original target then!
Seriously though, Uzo, I get the most amazing mail. There are some that are borderline crazy and you wonder... uh-huh... I need bodyguards to protect me from those that might be criminally insane.

@ mona- mona, see what happens when you disappear. I've been producing weekly theatre productions (Sundays) at Terra Kulture on Victoria Island since the beginning of July.

The GW web address is a good idea, I'll give it some thought. I've actually appeared on National TV a couple of times now as the Whisperer and I've been invited to face an army of girls to discuss issues of the heart sometime in October. If I wasn't the Whisperer, I'd have said, "so many women, so little time". (ok, that last bit was a joke!)

My 2 cents said...

This is funny and a little unsettling. Well to each his own, I guess you have devised a way to handle the crazies, hence your tracking method.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

lmao.... all kinds of fans... lmfao... i was just going on today about the kind of KPONKIOUS messages i was getting on facebook... someone added me right... iwasnt sure who it was... i asked who the person was and the bloody fool replied 'your baby daddy'... like WTF?!?!?! so there are definitely all kinds.. but in the meantime .. to cole(ok im not sure how to spell that but i'm trying to say kool but with a pidgin=ish e at the end.. lol) ur bloodstream.. listen to amel larrieux... shes a stress reliever.. as in her voice na dieeeee.. how you been papi?

laspapi said...

@ my 2 cents- I've devised a way, took a while but I've perfected it now.

@ Storm- I've missed you.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

missed you back papi... been a little out of this 'forum' to tell you the truth... there is sometimes so much BULLSHIT associated... the likes of which you'll never believe... actually you will.. you've seen some of it...

it isnt at all what it used to be...

laspapi said...

We make the mistake of thinking everyone's sane, Storm. I saw the bullshit, heard incredible fabrications. We laugh about it here now but there's a lot I must tell you.