Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The Guardian's still on strike but the Whisperer matches on.

PHANTOM LOVERS

as unpublished by the Sunday Guardian.

The Whisperer’s mother called him one day and looked at him for a long while, then she spoke. “You do know there is no perfect woman, don’t you? You’ll have to settle for one, some day. Just find a good girl and it‘ll be okay. ”. Like many men and women, I had spent my whole life, (since I was thirteen, actually) searching for the perfect mate, even though I was not the perfect man. Okay, I admit the Whisperer has moments when he feels close to perfection but doesn’t every one have these ego-filled moments? I had been flawed as a child by movies like ‘The Sounds Of Music’ and ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’ where love is so palpable and strong, you just know it will last for ever. Even till this day, I’m a sucker for romantic comedies and the perfect relationship. Somewhere in your heart, you know relationships are a bit more complicated than the film script makes it to be, but one hopes, longs for with all one’s being, and believes that one will find one’s own Snow White. Some perfect beauty, a Nicole Kidman or Vanessa Williams, beautiful inside and out, who will love us as we are, and accept us with all our foibles. She will not throw tantrums or go into a huff when we cannot afford to buy her diamond rings (her father’s too wealthy for her to be troubled by mundane things anyway). Her mother will be a beautiful, kind woman, accepting us as we are. In the cases of women who have these innate desires, the man of their dreams has the body of an Adonis, sculpted to perfection. He has the intelligence of an Einstein and the sense of humour of a Jon Stewart. Humanity always has flaws however, no matter how beautiful the packaging is, and the true definition of love might be the acceptance of another, with all his or her flaws and a willingness not to try to force our own ideals upon this person.

So I paid attention to my mother, the woman who had been the vessel chosen to bring the Whisperer to this earth but still, I did not follow her advice. Should the quest for the perfect mate ever be considered a mission impossible? Should we ever allow that dream to be taken from us?

It’s part of what makes life so much fun and totally zany, I think. The search for the perfect mate. This mate doesn’t exist, by the way, and there is no moment of absolute certainty, no matter how far you go in search of El Dorado, but the search can be a wonderful, event-filled thing. For the perverse minded, I’m not talking of a life of philandering and moving from bed to bed. What I’m talking of, is the eye you catch looking at you, as you turn a corner in your car or that person you know you might never have a chance to say hello to as he or she walks down the corridor, but who with a lilt of the head as he/she stands waiting for the elevators tells the story of your life.

Someone I think the world of did an analysis of me and my "girl whispering" ways a short while back and it made me sit and think of my own compulsions and the reasons I do the things I do. She said:
"I think you like women because you like them. Not because you want to have notches on your bedpost or anything but because there is something about the female form, female mind and female mannerisms that speaks(s) to you. Each female connects with a part of you, some much more than others."

It's as true as anything I have heard about myself and though I had tried to explain this many times to others, I had not been able to find the exact words for how it was with me.

So, for those who will continue the search for the Phantom Lover, who lives only in our dreams, we must remember that dreams tend to dissolve like clouds under the heat of the noon-day sun, and for all those who have woken up during the night and desperately tried to hold on to the bag of gold they discovered by the roadside or the wonderful partner they met while strolling, I tell them one thing, life can be hard. Still, there are people who exist, almost close to our own idea of perfection, whose flaws we can overlook, whose shortcomings do not disturb us. They are out there somewhere and here’s wishing you come across your own ’dream mate’, who will take on human form and accept you for who you are as well. Dreams can come true. Hopefully.

7 comments:

rethots said...

First, i'll rephrase "Dreams can come true" to Dreams do come true.
On the contrary, there ain't phantom lovers 'cos the reality of it is that the perfect mate we seek is right here with us; we only need to acknowledge her (or him).
Why i say, we don't go out looking for the fairest (amongst 'em maidens) rather that, whoever we opt (for lack of a better word) for that becomes the fairest.
"You are not liked 'cos you're the fairest, rather, you're the fairest 'cos you are liked."

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

Somehow, being the cynic that I am, I have never searched for Mr. Perfect. I have always wanted Mr. Perfect-for-me.
I know I am different and so who I am with has to be someone who understands that because he is the same way too. But we are not the same type of different...if you get what I mean.
No one wants to be lonely and that is why sometimes we equate over looking flaws to mean allowing all sort of nonsense in our lives. Flaw= snoring in bed. Nonsense= snoring in bed with another woman who is not me.
Flaw= quick tempered. Nonsense= quick temper that cannot be controlled and he decides that his father is a bastard and he wants to hit me...
At the end of the day, one should keep an open mind, an open heart and open eyes. Your "person" is out there, if he/she has not already been found

R said...

I agree with cat: "perfect for me" will do. I know I'm a bit much to handle, so I wouldn't foist myself on just anybody.

That said, I go by what I said way back: "Nothing's ever like the picture in the book." Which phrase was used initially to mean that nothing you cook will ever seem to quite look like the picture in the recipe in the book, but it can be translated into any number of life circumstances.

So I suppose it's about knowing what you want, which not a bad thing, but at the same time, recognising a good thing when you have it.

Isi said...

this post is like a teddy bear that can be cuddled...so cute *sniff *sniff
i pray y'all find your perfect mates!

Omosewa said...

Is this the last girl whisperer writeup for the yr?? Sounds like its come to an end. Shey you'll share the toasting emails you get cos you kinda put it like you're single and looking:D You know i'm just looking for your trouble as usual...i think you'll marry an Igbo woman, am i right or am i right?:D Have a lovely weekend...

Sherri said...

they do exist in the flesh!
there is the one who hold the strings to ones's heart
only beautiful harmonies echoes their every touch of the string

Florida said...

Funny, this is so like my posting at my blog 'shotmusinz' - lured by romance'. Bobo, take heart. No be only u wey dey suffer from overdose of hollywood (they themselves r the greatest sufferers). Till date, am still struggling weda to go with my heart or my head, since the two rarely go hand n hand (don't u just hate it!)