Sunday, April 08, 2007

The Girl Whisperer

by laspapi

as published in the Sunday Guardian of Sunday April 8

The Share-Holders

If you ask a man which he’d prefer- his woman to “be intimate with” another man or fall in love with another- the man will reply, “She may fall in love but she mustn’t do anything physical with another man”. The answer of the woman is radically different. Women say, “I can forgive my man the lapse of “being intimate” with another woman but he mustn’t fall in love”. No one can explain this radical difference between the outlook of the man and the woman but it is as true as the moon controls the ocean tides and the monthly cycles of women.

How can a woman know when other women have stakes in her man or if he’s been with his secretary or his receptionist, the cook, housemaid or even the girl next door? It’s easy, as generally, men kiss and tell. This weakness in some way, is a manner of keeping score, of marking how many trees have been felled and where, and conquests are often exaggerated and blown out of proportion. Let no one be under the impression that women do not swap notes. They do too, even if not as unguardedly as men do. The man’s misdeeds can be discovered through his driver or junior colleagues. Men are not very good at subterfuge and a few gifts from the woman to a driver envious of the boss’s suavity and “successes” will throw up the most amazing details.

The erring man himself forgets to cover his own tracks after a while, and the usual clichés of finding lipstick on his collar or underwear, will come to pass. There’ll be the phone number on the scrap of paper in his pocket, the protective rubber forgotten in his wallet and similar clues. Men are just not very good at concentrating over long periods of time when it comes to undercover work. The stake of the share holder can be discovered in the body language of the erring man and his “concubine”. People who have been intimate cannot hide their body language from the trained eye. A person you have not been intimate with, can only come so close till you become visibly uncomfortable from the unwanted proximity and the intrusion in your private space. For those who have shared closeness of a certain sort though, the touch on the elbow or the knee in a crowded room, the long looks into each other’s eyes and the brushing past of each other as they go opposite ways through a door, reveal what they’ve been at. In their case, there is no discomfort in the invasion of each other’s private spaces.

The erring woman on the other hand is born intense and even if caught in the most compromising situation gasping for breath, will go to her death refusing to admit anything ever happened. When she stands on her ground long enough, the man begins to wonder whether to believe the evidence of his own eyes. It’s a strength women possess and which is not always used for good.
Except in a few cases, it is much more difficult to apprehend a woman who is “playing the field”. The man who will discover the erring woman must listen to his gut instincts and remember only the paranoid survive. If it doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t.


Kiibaati said...

While raeding your Sunday Guardian writeup,I, out of innocent curiousity, asked the Mrs,whether the lady whisperer was right.

She said, "You may fantasize as much as you like but you better not try anthing outside!"

Laspapi,please don't "put me for trouble"

laspapi said...

kiibaati, na wa o. We have to learn guile like the women too. Don't say everything that crosses your mind

Anonymous said...

This laspapi sef na ITK but your takes are pretty interesting even though I wouldn't adopt them as the gospel truth.

Gosh I'd be a trip to do so but I'll keep on reading :-)!

Noni Moss said...

You make a fair point about the trained eye spotting people who have been intimate - but your description is of people who have been intimate fairly recently. If it was a while back - the awkwardness returns. Plus women are better able to hide it - it's usually the men who give it away if they've been there before.

Loll - i also agree - I would still leave my husband if he cheated on me regardless but it would hurt more if he fell in love with someone else. I can totally understand having meaningless sex - but what is annoying as at some point before, you made the choice to risk our marriage and still go ahead and sleep with some random person. What that tells me is this one meaningless encounter meant more to you than our marriage. However if he falls in love with someone else - irregardless of whether he sleeps with her or not - then it means I'm not the one and that is the ultimate rejection especially if I'm in love with him.

Good article - on form as usual Laspapi. Nice one ;-)

laspapi said...

thanks, anon

@ noni- good point there. I didnt think of people who'd been 'together' a while back. I think though, that it's like swimming or riding a bicycle after a long break. After the initial awkwardness, the familiarity returns.

You mustn't be harsh,though. Meaningless sex is just that to a man, meaningless. Don't smash the dream on this account (not condoning philandering, believe me)

Thanks for always looking out for the 'whispering', noni.