Monday, July 09, 2007

The Girl Whisperer

by laspapi

as published by the Sunday Guardian

on Sunday July 8


Everybody is Somebody’s Fool


Many of us are street-smart, able to hold our own in a discussion, an argument, and for the really wild ones, even in a fist fight. But in everyone’s life, at some time or the other, we will come face to face with another human being whom we would do anything for. A person who can ask us for anything and be confident we’ll deliver if it’s within our power to do so, no matter how inconvenient it is for us. Maybe it’s an issue of chemistry or some peculiar kind of alignment of the stars, but at least once, we all will meet someone who has control over us and whom we will obey without question. This is great when the person cares for you as much as you love him or her, and even though there is a danger of unhealthy dependency here, the trust given is not usually violated or misused.

However, in the hands of an unscrupulous partner, this need can be a deadly weapon. The manipulating male or female understands the nature of the power possessed over the docile partner and will use this without mercy to achieve his or her own ends making demands that would cause a more rational partner to rebel.

The demands may cover the various ranges of human experience. For example, in the area of emotions, the stronger partner may cause severe distress to the weaker partner by pushing the limits of endurance. If the female is the “fool”, her male partner might make it plain he is unable to remain faithful to her. He might state to her that the only way she can have him is if she’s ready to share him with other women. The female’s need to keep this partner will cause her to accept a situation that would ordinarily be unacceptable to her. There will also be a corresponding lowering in the self-esteem of the “fool”. This situation is not as far-fetched as one might think. Cases abound of women who know that their men chase anything in skirts, these men having pushed the women into a state of acceptance of a seemingly incurable trait. Let no one think this particular ‘condition’ is limited to men alone. There are women, who being so confident of their beauty and charm, tell men who want them, that they must share.

At the physical level, the “fool” may be the subject of abuse, accepting verbal and psychological abuse as part and parcel of the relationship. She does not see that the relationship is an unhealthy and degrading one. There are men who do not fend for their families or take responsibility for any domestic needs. The females are exploited for their material possessions and they live and work only to please the domineering partner.
There are cases of females who are physically abused, the subjects of violent and criminal attacks by their partners and spouses. A dangerous aspect of this is when the female regards the punishment as normal and what she deserves.

Love may be a many splendour’d thing, but it is wise to know that any kind of relationship that leaves one partner seriously disadvantaged is a very unhealthy and unacceptable one.
Relationships are about partners meeting themselves halfway, each striving to please the other. If one partner has to give favours to be accepted, or has to accept demeaning situations so he or she can remain with a partner, it’s time to rethink the situation. No matter how hard it is, a “fool” must find the courage and pride to remove himself or herself from a situation of abuse. Love cannot be bought no matter how hard we try and the sooner all “fools” realise this, the better for them. Anyone who requires that you accept what you would not ordinarily take from any other, is setting you up to be a fool. Speak up and step out of this kind of situation immediately.

Nat King Cole sang in “Nature Boy”, ‘the greatest thing, you could ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.’ True words.

17 comments:

Nyemoni said...

Too true, Las.. too true... I think that even in real love, one has to be a fool sometimes..

Noni Moss said...

I see you're still on form as ever with your girl whisperer insights. Good piece!

Omosewa said...

Interestingness. Right now, the only person i'll do anything for is c'est moi:D I'll keep your wise words in mind though, thanks.

Anonymous said...

I just had this conversation with someone yesterday. My thoughts exactly. Couldn't have written it better myself. Thanks once again Papi.

laspapi said...

@ nyemoni- one's just got to be really careful that dependency isn't misused.

@ noni moss- thanks, noni

@ 'sewa- My words... they are true, they are real

@ anonymous- my pleasure, anon. It' a subject worthy of study.

Waffarian said...

So true, laspapi!

ziariz said...

Laspapi.. i agree 200%, pity really... people should learn to love like Jesus, even tho He loves unconditionally, He'll never be a fool for anyone... and no one dares mess with Him.. cos you'll get smacked even when He forgives you...seriously...

catwalq said...

I AM HOPING EVERYONE WHO BOUGHT THE GUARDIAN READ THIS...
GOOD. BALANCED

laspapi said...

@ waffarian- thanks, waffy

@ ziariz- this made me smile.

@ catwalq- the Guardian publishers will be glad. Thank you.

My 2 cents said...

Preach brother, preach!

My 2 cents said...

Preach brother, preach!

R said...

This one's sad, Laspapi. Rings true, but (or perhaps therefore), is sad.

Sigh.

So have you talked to a book publisher yet? Or or or have you thought about syndicating to other African newspapers?

Seriously.

R said...

Laspapi, comment moderation then? What did who do to you?

And, give me their address and I'll take care of them. (Big awkward wink. Big awkward wink.)

Idemili said...

Preach what? It has already been 'prochen!'

Thanks Papi, great piece.

laspapi said...

@ 2 cents- *smiles*

@ r- you've started a fire burning in my heart, r. I'll take the matter very seriously.

comment moderation- you licenced to carry a gun? If not, you can't be of help in that regard :P

@ idemili- Thanks ide.

UndaCovaSista said...

Sacrifices need to be made in order for any relationship to work. I think we all need to have a predetermined idea of what we're willing to sacrifice and then go ahead and do it of our own accord. You've definitely become a fool when you relinquish control and have no say over the things you're being made to give up. You're in even bigger trouble when you begin to sacrifice the essence of who you are to please the other party. Good piece...

laspapi said...

That was good, undacover sis- when you sacrifice your essence, it's finished, really.