The Girl Whisperer
as published by The Guardian on Sunday
The Ready-Made Man & the Material Girl
As I drove with my female friend, Toyin Alli-Hakeem, last night, I noticed a girl at a bus-stop who didn’t take her eyes from me as I attempted to negotiate the bend and traffic. I told my companion, “that girl’s standing with a man, but she’s been staring at me for a while”. Toyin replied, “she’s seen a man in a car that’s air-conditioner tight and thinks she’d prefer that to the public transport her boyfriend’s going to place her in”.
I wondered at the time-tested truth that the grass always looks greener on the other side. This might be so, but the fertilizer and chemicals essential in making the grass that luxurious, will set the teeth of the material girl on edge. For some girls, the allure is the house the “newer” man just bought or his bank account and for others, his great job. However it is, there is a breed of women who are on the look out for the ready-made man.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be comfortable. I wouldn’t advice a woman to set up a permanent liaison with some guy without a television or a fridge except you both intend to live bohemian lives. There’s nothing as bland as tepid water on a very hot day in the tropics and if you ever plan to have children, it just might be good for your child to be able to tell his or her classmates that “my mummy put my ice-cream in the fridge” as opposed to “my mummy put my ice-cream in an earthen pot”. We’ve all been there and know how these things matter to children.
However, the female that wants a man who has everything in place might be shooting herself in the foot. If a man has sweated blood and tears to make a success of himself without your help or support, there will be an element of paranoia in all he does concerning you. At the back of his mind will be the thought that you might not have found him attractive if he had nothing when you met. These thoughts will be reinforced on days he’s had to work really hard and he comes to meet you home at 5pm still in your nightgown, sprawled across the couch, changing the movie channels.
It is harder for a man to attempt to shake off the female who was there when the skies were grey, the future looked bleak and it seemed no help was coming from on high. Now, in this case, it is not necessary that the woman must have contributed monetarily to the success of this man; often, it is her support and presence in his hard times that are the essential factors remembered when he breaks away from the hard life.
The ready-made man is perfectly aware of how hard it was for him to get to his current position and remembers how he was snubbed by material girls as he sought to find a foot-hold. Except the potential female-partner matches him in material possessions, the suspicions will linger. When the foothold is finally gained, there is usually no sentiment in the choices the ready-made man makes and his actions often give room for the accusation that he is callous.
The world is full of material girls, and there are enough ready-made men willing to take advantage and leave them in the lurch without remorse. However, this doesn’t mean the Whisperer is encouraging females to associate with losers. A man who lacks va-va-voom is a waste of time, and there’s nothing like hungry children around a home to tell you not to waste your time with a full-time dreamer. Girls of all ages should know there’s absolutely nothing wrong in wanting the good things in life. In these days of equality and the emancipation of the sexes, it’s just better that the female seeks to pull her own weight too. It’s wiser to look out for potential in a man and be at the start of the good things than arriving after the full delivery’s taken place.
The automatic human emotions called gratitude and appreciation will stand you in good stead when the rough times come with a partner you helped build.