The Girl Whisperer

Pimp my Bride

by laspapi

as published in the Sunday Guardian of April 1

For those men willing to hold on to their true loves even though the shortcomings of these partners are beginning to drive them crazy, its time to "pimp your bride". For the females willing to avoid gridlocks in their relationships, they must be willing to be pimped too.

Let us start with an overview of the situation as it appears the female partner has the odds stacked against her. She must make breakfast, take care of the home, go shopping, appear nice, smell wonderful, have lunch ready, and even supper.

Often, the female is too tired after work or school to bother with looking good, she just wants to slump into a chair, hair limp from the pespiration of cooking, sip a drink and gaze in quiet and peace on an episode of "Desperate Housewives".

Unfortunately for her, the man is coming in from having passed the seductive vixen at the office in a miniskirt that would be illegal in most Arabic countries, a vixen with legs to die for. He has just sniffed the expensive and heady perfume of his colleague at work and is totally unprepared and unwilling to forgive his partner at home who has forgotten to wash the stench of the fish she made for supper, of her body. A man coming in once or twice to meet his partner reeking of tripe and animal entrails used in the preparation of the lunch stew can be gracious, but when it becomes a steady pattern, he's going to look out for women who smell nice and not like abbatoirs.

Life is unkind, you may say, as all the trouble the woman at home goes through, is mainly for the man, yet he asks for a superwoman. A homely, clean, house keeping, career minded, beautiful type is what he wants. Its the way the odds are stacked and the woman at home or who intends to become the woman there, must be willing to take the extra step, must be willing to match the woman outside, and take care of the details. The key is in the little details...the stringy hair, food between the teeth, dirt under the nails...the little things. A woman who can take care of the little details as well as the large ones secures herself and her home.

The overweight man with a paunch and beer breath should not assume that the woman is content with him the way he is. She goes out daily too and sees the clones of D'banj strolling the streets with firm bodies, toned muscles and six packs for stomachs. He must remember the woman has desires too and being the bride of michelin man is not top of her list.

"Pimping" is a two way issue and both sexes must try to be the best they can be for each other. A long time ago, Ray Parker Jnr sang, "A woman needs love just like you do...she can fool around just like you do". Except for partners in denial, the way we add value to ourselves at work is the same way we must add value to relationships.

Next week, we'll talk about how to know when your partner's sharing himself/herself with others apart from you.