Sunday, September 07, 2008

The Girl Whisperer

as published by

The Sunday Guardian

The Ultimate Betrayal

The Whisperer sat alone in a dimly lit room a few days ago, contemplating the dusk as it came slowly and enveloped the world. The hues and shadows of the failing day brought strange thoughts to his mind and the sounds of the night made him reflect on broken expectations and many wasted promises. He dwelt on the harshness of truth and the treachery of hypocrisy, and for a long time, he pondered the question, ‘what is the ultimate betrayal?’

In affairs of the heart and in the laws, if any, that govern the relationships between man and woman, male and female, is there any ‘crime’ that is truly unforgivable? Is there a ‘sin’ so great that you cannot forgive or forget? Can an incident happen that is so great that you cannot walk away from? For men and women, there appear to be differing standards. Men all over the world and in every tribe and creed have been caught by their loved ones in the clutches of other ‘strange’ women and have lived to tell the tale even if done with a wry grin and a foolish look. These men have gotten away with the equivalent of murder and received only a light rap on the knuckles for their erring ways. For women however, there are very few that have lived to tell the tale when caught ‘delicto flagrante’ by their male partners. It is an exceptional man that can ever remove the image of his partner’s limbs entwined around another, from his mind or memory banks. No matter how hard he tries, and how large-hearted he may appear, a man will dwell on the ‘transgression’, even long after he says he has forgiven and forgotten, and one day, a piece of straw will be added to the burden that will break the camel’s back. He will finally tell the woman he has loved through stormy weather and in peaceful times that he cannot take the relationship anymore, weeks or months after the incident, giving concrete form to a dissolution that actually occurred the instant he found her in the arms of another but which he was unable to process at that time.

Women, however, have resilience in ways men will never be able to figure and which makes them the more dangerous specie. Often, no matter how terrible the betrayal is, the woman sees the big picture, the whole tapestry, not just a small segment of the work in progress and because she is aware that she is in pursuit of an end and the fulfilment of her own purpose, she is more likely to accept betrayal from her man.

Let no one say the Whisperer is advocating that women be more docile and be more accepting of a man who cannot control himself. The truth is women ‘see’ further ahead and are able to separate an incident they recognize as a speed bump from their plans. The Whisperer has never been under the delusion that women are the weaker sex and it is a truly ignorant and undiscerning man that believes this to be true. Women have, time after time, shown they are as capable of great acts of loyalty or of perfidy as men can be. A woman can go through her life and into her grave, knowing it is another who fathered a child an unsuspecting man claims to be his. It is just an ability they have, to close up like the earth itself and not reveal the innermost secrets hidden there. When it truly matters, they can be silent. The man on the other hand, who for example, fathers a child outside his relationship, is more likely to someday, sooner or later, feel the need to tell of his ‘dastardly’ act.

Now to the act of betrayal- Is there some act that is so unforgivable, that a relationship cannot walk away, whole, from? Many will feel that the ultimate betrayal is the partner that becomes physical with another, but sometimes, the treacherous act does not have to be physical. There is no physical betrayal that did not start with a betrayal of the emotions first.

There are women who have betrayed husbands with old boyfriends, with new lovers, with fleeting acquaintances as men themselves have done to women over the centuries. And take the word of the Whisperer and William Shakespeare on this- There really is no art to seeing the mind’s construction in the eye. Partners who have lovers on the sly will meet this ‘part-time lovers’ when they are in the presence of the official partner and not blink an eye-lid. They will call this person, ‘Uncle’, ‘Auntie’, ‘Mr. Somebody’ and whatever respectful terms exist, without anyone being the wiser but the parties involved.

The world is a truly wondrous place and strange things take place in it every day. It is a place for the brave and not for faint-hearted people. Every woman (and man) must decide if there is a limit to the wrong that can be done her. Will love truly forgive all, or are there things that you will put your feet down for and say ‘no more’?

For many, physical betrayal is the no-go area. It is the one thing they will not accept, they will not forget and cannot forgive. It does not matter how beautiful it had been in the past, an act of betrayal will taint it all for these ones forever. Some will say there should be no limitations to forgiveness. The reply shall be “To everyman his own”.

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