The Girl Whisperer
as published by
The Sunday Guardian
An oddity arises with every column the Whisperer writes. Some people who know him imagine he must be writing about their specific situations, about issues that he is privy to and things he has observed concerning their personal lives and their relationships with others or the manner in which they themselves relate with him. The Whisperer’s subjects have little or nothing to do with those that have discussed matters with him in confidence, except they have given permission for these matters to act as lessons and pointers to others who might be facing the same issues and wondering what steps were best to take. Many people say the Whisperer has helped them out of really bad situations and he is glad. There are only so many combinations a relationship can have- Good man, bad woman; good woman, bad man; bad woman, bad man; and then the truly blessed set, good woman, good man. Life thereafter is made up of different lock-combinations of these varieties and sooner or later, the Whisperer will be talking about you. It’s nothing personal.
There are a few times however, that the Whisperer has reacted personally (and sometimes strongly) on these pages to real-life situations. It is the nature of man to lash out at times and even though the Whisperer considers himself to have a mind of the developed sort, sometimes even he falls prey to the frailty of all man-kind (and woman-kind). In the Whisperer’s lifetime but well before he became Lord of all he surveyed and at a point when he still sought his own identity, he met with many women, some of whom became great friends, some who abandoned a ship that appeared to be sinking then, and some others who would have given anything to be his mate and who became evil-incarnate when he rejected their offers (I’m sure we’ve all met one or two like the last category in the course of our lives).
In matters of the heart, partners often play games with each other. There might be an unwillingness to accept responsibility when a problem arises, with both sides waiting for the other party to apologise first, to break first. These are normal things, pride being the only issues at stake and are often quickly resolved when one or both realise the matter is being taken too far.
However, there are those who play war games in their relationships, not grasping a simple truth and a canon governing men and women issues- the rules of war must never be applied in matters of the heart.
The trick, the Whisperer has discovered, is to look for a partner as developed as you are. You will probably be unable to handle a partner further in development as the reactions of this partner will be as incomprehensible to you as Greek is to the untraveled man. You must find a partner that will not badmouth those who have walked the same path before you, your predecessors in other words, will not tell you tales of horror of the person ‘whose shoes you are filling’ and then when you ask why the relationship continued in spite of the things you are being told, get a blank stare for the trouble you took in inquiring.
If you meet the incarnated version of evil in human form, the games you will play with each other will border on nuclear warfare. For this type, there are no holds barred when the subject they are fixated upon refuses to reciprocate their ‘love’ in a manner they consider favourable. The truly safe person is one who scrutinizes potential partners. There is no problem with being finicky if you seriously intend to share your life with another human being. Do not apologise for passing a fine tooth-comb over the life of this ‘prospect’ for there are people out there who have no business engaging in relationships with normal people. These relatives of Freddie Kruger will prevent you from sleeping, from finding rest, and from closing your eyes. They will go after your job, your friends, your respectability and standing in society, your means of livelihood or whatever else they can sink their teeth into. These ones have nothing to lose and a lot to gain even by being engaged in warfare with you and if they cannot use a positive relationship to gain whatever ends they seek, they will settle for the negative, hoping the nuclear fall-out will lend them some notoriety and relevance in the society you live in. Warped mentality, you might think, but there are people like this out there and they will get you in the end if you do not keep your eyes open. So when you decide you want to play games, be careful of your choice of partners. Some play for the highest stakes and all that is meaningful to you is the ultimate prize in this game of poker.
As we start the race towards the end of another year, let us remember the story of the aborigine and the kangaroo. When an aborigine pursues a kangaroo for its hide, he doesn’t change his mind whether he comes across a bigger kangaroo or a slower kangaroo. He continues his pursuit of his original choice through smooth paths or rough and rocky terrain. Many of us would do well to apply that philosophy to our own pursuits. At night, because the kangaroo cannot see its pursuer, the kangaroo goes to bed not realizing the aborigine is still in pursuit. We would all do good to remember- the fact that we cannot see our pursuer does not mean we are not being pursued. Remember the words of Andy Grove, Intel’s boss, ‘Only the paranoid survive’. Amen.