Sunday, October 14, 2007

Blastus Pastus

This came from reading ~mimi~'s post about a teacher who picked on her in high school. I didn't have a singular teacher who did so and I must confess that when I was punished, I was usually deserving of the punishment.

There was my English Teacher in form 1, Mrs. Apara, who gave me the name, Huckleberry Finn, after the character in 'Tom Sawyer' because my white uniform looked scruffy after just a term. Don't blame me, I was 10, my mum wasn't around to oversee stuff and I could soak my uniform a week before washing. Its amazing how much to the end of the spectrum I moved after a few years, unable to wear another's shirt if I could even detect body musk on it.

There was "Baba" Okonkwo who taught my father and taught me. Yeah, my father, uncles, older brothers and cousins all went to the same school. I think by my time, Baba Okonkwo had become a fixture.

There was Mr H. in my 2nd form, who would ask us, "Why are you lavving?". I swear. He taught English too.

There was Mrs. F who was pregnant through my entire secondary school stay. She bred more than rabbits did.

There was one Mrs. Somebody (no relative of the blogger but cant recollect her name) who would tell us daily- "Woe betide you".

There was Mr Abayomi, a sadist who taught us Agricultural Science and derived great pleasure from beating us black and blue. He'd enter the class and announce his palms were itching and then he'd look for any excuse to beat us half to death. I still owe him.

There was the portly Mrs Mbom who taught us Bible Knowledge in the 3rd form and asked my classmate, Joseph Ikunna, whom the Acts of the Apostles was written to. Ikunna replied, Mr. O. Theophilus and threw the entire class into laughter. Luke who wrote the Acts started with "As I wrote earlier, O Theophilus". Mrs Mbom caught me scribbling Ikunna's gaffe down on a piece of paper, held me in a neck-lock and severely pummelled me.

There was Mr Satish (or "Satiri yanna yanna" as we liked to call him) from India. He taught us Maths and told how he had to know the Multiplication table up until x20 by age 5 or he wouldn't be given breakfast. I was 13 and still struggling.

There was my favourite, Miss Oduwole who taught us the English Language and Literature in the 3rd form. She was pretty, petite, and I was her favourite.

There was Mr Subuloye who threatened to kill all truants from the Maths Class who had been giving his course a bad name. I carried a banner in that procession. He wrote a long list and beat them all silly but I absconded. I eneded up not doing my mock school certificate exams because I was afraid he'd trap me in the exam hall.

There was the dimunitive Ms Job, also from India, who taught Literature in the 4th form. She announced, 'the person who came first in literature has horrible writing.' That was me.

The pretty Indian, Mrs. Kamal, taught Government. I'm afraid she didn't teach it well.

There was the 'police dog', the Principal, Mr Olukunle's driver, who also carried a cane and was allowed to whip students. I still owe that one too.

School can be a terrifying place for children as well as a place of great fun. Parents really need to keep their eyes open. All in all, I had good times there.


Ms. Catwalq said...

I swear, we should work on a piece on the many characters that work in the school.

Didn't you have that teacher that sold every candy u could think of? And carried them with her hidden in a huge bag?

In girl schools, wasn't there that teacher that was overly friendly. In QC it was Mr. H in Music.

Then there were the harpies who just could not help but begrudge us young ladies our youth and carefree-ness (is that a word?).

Secondary school was an interesting mix of terror, fun and surviving. I don't miss it at all.

Babawilly said...

Primary School was for gazing at girls when the teacher was teaching.
St Finbarr's college turned me into a football fanatic.
FGC kaduna was A level gazing
Great Uniben was were we perfected our gazing degree level (and learnt a bit of medicine).
The good Lord felt the lookery was too much and I became a Born Again Christian before leaving Uniben.
With these few points of mine I hope I have convinced you (as i eloquently propose the motion) that education in 9ja was sweet. (Up Patrick Doyle of Finbarr's)

Nonesuch said...

that Mrs Somebody(woe betide you) must be Mrs Oni who taught English in Form 1. She was pregnant and always had spite in her mouth. Dark as the night with her dripping jerry curls.

Thirty + said...

The woe betide you in my own case was the Physics teacher, he was obsessed with witches and wizards. Maybe that is why I hate physics.

R said...

Ok, you were ten years old in form one? Was that/Is that the norm in Nigeria or were you ahead of your time?

PS you're making us (well me anyway) nostalgic with all this blasts from the past.

How you?

laspapi said...

@ catwa'q- Let's do it. "School Daze".

My teachers sold stuff, I can't recall what exactly now.

I went to a male school- any over-friendly male teacher would have lost his life.

I met the harpies in my A-Level days. They hated the young females! This is a 'female thing'

@ Babawilly- I was in Baptacads, Forget Finbarr's. Patrick Doyle lived on my street though, I guess his debating led him to his TV career

@ nonesuch- "Dark as the night with her dripping jerry curls." I like this illustration.

@ 30+ witches and wizards? I can't figure why they don't do tests for all these teachers.

laspapi said...

@ r- I'm doing well, love. The norm in Nigeria then was 11. I'm not sure how I got under the radar.

Sherri said...

this brougt back some memories...
there was mrs Byron in primary sch who effectively rid me of my yankee fone and kindled my love for yoruba language.i was the only child exempted from the no vernacular rule..

and there was mrs akinola in secondary sch,who spoke impeccable english and yoruba. a great teacher/woman.
i had several other great teachers who if mentioned will be like name dropping. hehe..
funny, how no one mentioned them youth corpers and the atrocities some of them committed especially in an all girls catholic sch. hmmm...a certain well known person comes to mind.

olaoluwatomi said...

Nice post, many of the teachers remind me of mine, ie the teacher Mrs F who bred like a rabbit sounds like a teacher who taught biz studies in mine, thank Heavens i wasnt whipped in sec chool i would have dropped out with immediate effect, i be ajebo small when it comes to such matters

laspapi said...

@ sherri- reads like you met a nice bunch of teachers. Oya, tell me this nysc teacher...

@ olaoluwatomi- you'd have dropped out ke? beating was the norm in my school o! At one time, Rev. Adenugba, the principal bought horsewhips for his teachers to use on us.

Sherri said...

i would, if not for my concern for his victims.