Monday, October 01, 2007

The Girl Whisperer

as published by the

Sunday Guardian of Sept 30

The False Messiah

Many of us go through the grind of living, hoping that someday, somehow, we will meet that one person who will take all our troubles away. Someone who, with a sweep of one hand, will cancel all our fears and make everything all right. Someone who will understand the reasons we made the mistakes we did, and like the Arabian proverb goes, take all those blunders in one fist and blow them away like sand.

Let the Whisperer be as blunt as he has ever been, today. It will never happen. You will never come across another human who can take your life and make it all right. You must wake up to reality and understand that you must sort yourself out first, learn to love you, and then hopefully you’ll come across another person who will appreciate you as you are, blunders and all, and then complement you.

Looking for another person, a messiah to give us joy is a form of denial, a type of escape from reality. All humans have their own hang-ups and one of the most selfish things you can inflict on another human is to bring all your own unresolved issues and try to pin on that person. Who needs extra pain?

Prospective partners balk sometimes, when they see the weights others are attempting to load on their backs, for if you meet a man who has perfected his own coping mechanism, he does not want anyone to upset the balance.
When a man, for instance, enters a relationship, not knowing the amount of work necessary just to run a normal conversation with a female seeking a messiah instead of a partner, the man will run, no matter how upsetting that might be for the female. My advice for females is to resolve their own issues first, if they want to have successful relationships. Females should sort matters that trouble them emotionally, psychologically and even physically. The matters that they cannot resolve except through time should be made clear to the prospective partner for a revelation after the commencement of the relationship will lead to problems.

On the flip side, men should be careful about avowing "love" to every female they meet. A man should observe the person in question properly, remembering the police cliché, “In God we trust. All others we check out”. Being patient might save you from the hands of a virago. There are people whom, when their advances are rejected, turn into misshapen creatures that stalk your nightmares. They will create scenes at your work place; seek out your friends to spread malicious and untrue gossip about you and many other things unhinged minds have the ability to conjure.

Therefore, men, learn from me (which I know you will not) and be careful whom you whisper sweet words to.
Women listen attentively to the things you say (even if sometimes, they are the ones putting you under great pressure to say these things) and if you do not mean the declarations of Camelot-type love on the tip of your tongue, do not open your mouth to utter them. There are people whom, if you got to know them properly, you would not touch with a barge pole, so why rush?

A girl I barely knew asked me repeatedly to share a blood-oath with her under the stars. Any one, male or female who thinks a blood covenant is the only thing that can keep you, is one you must run far from. Angelie Jolie might make it appear cool but do not be fooled, you are not there when she tries to sleep at night. Needless to say, this person frothed at the mouth when I took off at a full gallop (Yeah, the Whisperer can run too)

Thoroughbreds and the “Girl next door” are your best bets to have successful and meaningful relationships with. A well-bred person is difficult to leave anyway, because you perceive that you need the balance they instinctively give to your lives. If you do give in to a moment of madness and leave a female like this, you might regret your rashness for a long while. The options available on the open market aren’t always as attractive as you might think and there is nothing like being captured permanently by a bestial type to make you long for all the well-bred people you rubbished as you sowed your wild oats.


Ms. Catwalq said...

Now, I need you to stick with me on this one as it might (might I say) be lengthy:

My faith teaches me (and I have tested it out to be true) that all relationships, intimate (husband, boyfriend or gbensh-pal) or otherwise (like family, friends) are designed for you to attain a higher level of consciousness; something which you as the individual hae to do for yourself. They are simply there to assist you.

One might wonder, why is this person so cruel to me? They are testing your forgiveness, spirit and helping you decide what is best for you and what standards you have to set.

Looking for someone to "fix it" for you is irrespnsible. Chances are the thing that needs fixing will constantly come back as you have neither learned nor prevented the causes in thne first place.
Some people however are lazy. They don't want to extend themselves above and beyond their zones of comfort. How do you expect to grow or help others do so if you cannot sacrifice a little. Maybe all someone needs is just a constant listening ear but because they are not talking about the greatness of you or some other thing that rubs your buddha, you flee? Shio. I have done it before so I know.

Rejection hurts. I know just how much. I make myself feel better by eating or sleeping or some other thing that affects no one else but me; adversely sometimes but most situations it is therapeutic. A guy says he does not want you, you say na lie, tipa tipa, he must. Like you imagine, you are going to be happy with anyone whom you coerce into a relationship with u?

Blood oaths and psychic bonds are for the very weak minds. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Blood oath today, fried tortoise for breakfast tomorrow, bathing naked in the deserted market place next week. The payments for soliciting the services of the psychic powers to preserve your life are unending and progressively difficult to make. You were bright to have fled. You too, need to be careful whom you roll with.

Please define the "thoroughbred" o and the girl next door. why? cos they seem uncomplicated. everyone is complicated, it is the degree to which that dictates the person's level of sanity.....

*phew* that was exhausting. am late for class

laspapi said...

catwalq, I think I love you.

rethots said...

...naturally, 'twill be unfair for anyone to bring one's burden for the other to sort out.
'tis also, natural (or human nature) to ride into it (knowing fully well the other's not who one seeks) maybe for the immediate satisfaction.
Ultimately, we are our own messiahs; as we'll be treated strictly as we see ourselves.

Ms. Catwalq said...

i loove u too sweerie....

laspapi said...

@ rethots- "we'll be treated strictly as we see ourselves."- this is very true, rethots. You've given me food for thought.

laspapi said...

@ you- I plead 'Writer's licence' as my defence for the use of the word, "rubbished". See, you wouldn't trouble Soyinka if he used it ;P

E-mail address is Hope to hear from you on other matters

Unknown said...

Catwalq that was a very englightening piece you wrote here, a couple of days back i sat back to write and i titled "Thoughts from the inner recess of my mind" and its almost similar to what you have here.if you don't mind could u forward an email address so i can forward it to you,then tell me what you think.
laspapi you are the best absolutely,i look forward to reading you articles, they are always englightening and there's always a lesson for each and everyone of us to learn (expect those in denial).
Rejection is sure a difficult thing to come to terms with, you go through the withdrawal period just like the drug addicts and alcohlics do and its a very painful process, tou enter the sober mode when you think you have overcome the pain and strong enough to move on and the comes the times when you slip back to your addiction(which is the person that has rejected u) but eventually after a period of time (which varies depending on the individual) you are ready to move on and give love another try. i think i may have digressed a bit, pardon me.

laspapi said...

ona- thank you for this piece, it shows you've pondered on some of these matters before as I have. I hope Catwalq reads it soon and gets back to you.

laspapi said...

@ catwalq- 'The thoroughbred' and 'the girl next door' have complications too, I'm sure, but they don't run screaming down the road, tearing at you and your clothes as you walk away. They don't skulk in dark places waiting for you to go by so they can lunge at you or your companion. They don't spend their lives fixated on you to the point of obsession.

Catwalq, you're no riffraff

My 2 cents said...

Waoh...Deep yet comical.

I totally understand this piece, yet I disagree on your objectifying that person that tears and pleads for you to come back as lacking in anyway, it might just be their way of mourning a good thing.

However, I am a thoroughbred who has decided that after all I have seen and know about life and existence and human beings and all, I will wait for my own thoroughbred.

This life is weird you know, you want the ones that don't want you and the ones you don't want fall over themselve for you.
And as for anyone asking you for a blood oath, My brother run faster than your legs can carry you, that's not only barbaric and demonic. it just screams Crazy!!