Thursday, October 25, 2007

When Hips Do Lie (Vol II)

Some reactions to Hips Don't Lie and Other Stories made me write this. Some were upset by the recollection but I stand by its truth. Here's another which I had thought not to mention but we're here to educate ourselves, aren't we?

Years ago, even before the other recollection, I met a female, one of the best students of her class in one of the foremost universities in this country. She was very intelligent, petite and all that. We got talking.

One day she told me she was a virgin. I asked, "you got to final year in this university without doing anything? How?"

She said it was the grace of God and I accepted. I'm not very presumptious, really. Those who know, know.

One day, months later, we got too excited in each other's company, things got out of hand and the impossible took place. At the end of our entanglement, out of breath and sweaty, I asked her a question with three words- "What just happened?"

Her answer? "If I tell you, you will never forget". I couldn't figure that out. "Tell me", I said.

Apparently, her former boyfriend had placed his organ used for procreation too close to her thigh as they made out. He didn't penetrate but those little tadpole-like things somehow got into her and made her pregnant.

According to her, the forceps used for the abortion disvirgined her, not her boyfriend. These were her words. I have not embellished or added anything. Before you call her a retard, this girl practically led her class from first year till graduation and went abroad to study after. She was no air-head.

I turned to my cousin, 'bomi and all her girl-friends from the University Of Ibadan, who made the house look like a female dorm during the holidays, and in a quest for enlightenment in my confused state, told them what this girl had said.

One of them, Mubo, looked at me as if I was crazy and led the laughter. "Wolzie, what is the matter with you? The 'tadpoles' have to swim up! You don't deposit them on a human thigh and then they somehow gravitate towards the nearest orifice. She had sex before she ever met you..."

My virgin told me that even her friend who took her to the hospital where the operation took place called her 'Holy Mary' because of the immaculate conception. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was probably being made fun of.

My submission- This is an issue many females have hang-ups about and refuse to face the truth of. I didn't go round in search of virgins. They were the ones who proferred themselves as such and even in the most ridiculous situations, held on to 'their truth'.

25 comments:

Jinta said...

During my A-Levels, my girlfried (who had just joined us from England) had lost her cherry to 'horse-riding'. Another friend later that year had lost hers to her causing checking the goods whilst she was asleep - these are true stories.
I will not even begin to fill this page with the Unife stories.

Jinta said...

baba, not causing o, it's cousin

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

I believe her. U don't know how many chicks have landed in hot water with heavy petting and the guy refusing to accept responsibility because in truth, there was no penetration and he did not see how he could have been responsible.
Girls have lost their virginity to tampons, gymnastics, doing an abrupt split etc...so many. I think there is a stereotype about the hymen. it is just a tissue membrane and like all tissues, it is is thickness that determines its strength (my theory now, not medically speaking).
I mean some chicks don't even feel any pain apart from the brief discomfort of accepting a "foreign body"
Your cousin did not know what she was talking about. if you had asked a nurse (an enlightened one) she would have told you that your friend's experience was not out of the ordinary. infact, that was the first type of scenario that my mother presented to me because she was of the opinion that i thought i could only get pregnant by an acrobatic session. I was and was so freaked out by what my mother told me I kept my legs closed...till I was out of her house.

For the love of me said...

So Laspapi is it that you and all these female friends that seek you out offering their virginity, would just be having a conversation say about the war in Cambodia and out of nowhere she would announce that she is a virgin? I would like to get it straight this time.

Kpakpando said...

You do know that it is entirely possible (improbable, but still possible) to get pregnant without penetration.

Sherri said...

u are def right.
i understand ur frustration, i assure u, u're not alone.
it's quite sad to see females continue to delude themselves.
the truth is, the female psyche desires a deep emotional and spiritual connection before sex can be meaningful, unfortunately some often put the carriage b4 the horse and foolishly hope for the same results.

the first time for a couple is special as it should be, not marred by deceit and semantics, after which any self assured woman should be able to say, "it is my first time.... with you" without any qualms whatsover hymen or no hymen..

!!Estella!! said...

Its possible O! This crickers can SWIM O!!!!

I know someone that lost hers to bicycle riding at age 11!!! She bled all over her bike! U better believe! Its not only dicks that disvirgins!

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

im rolling on the flor, papi, this is CRAZY!!!!!!!!!! Na so the thing dey swim go d place haba!!! hw u sef go chop dat kain gist a whole laspapi!!!!

In my head and around me said...

I was amused by the first Hips Don't lie story, but this second one is hilarious.

It is just a reflection of the sort of hang-ups we have in this society. The hypocrisy we believe we have to practice in order to either be accepted or not to be labelled. That said, I do know that some situations with actual virgins are mis-read.

And you sef...Some guys claim that they never meet any virgins. Yet you have met with 2 (that you told us about) and they have turned out to be anything but. Are you sure you are not giving out some signs/vibes to indicate that you would get with a girl only is she was "pure?".

rethots said...

...are you a Thomas? Why must you doubt her? You trying to say she was lying? On a lighter note, she has a great sense of humor.

Mamarita said...

Am sorry you don't loose your "cherry" horseback riding! You "loose your cherry" the moment a boing-boing penetrates your velvet undergrouns, then again horseback riding could mean a whole lot of thingssss

I just don't believe some things are meant to be disclosed like your virginity for instance.
I guess I have a thing against the whole idea of women placing so much on their "virginity", from a religious angle, I get it - man and woman touch each other and make babies in missionary style, sweet, but from a social angle, "the gift", "my flower", "he disvirgined me" (EWWW) the way I see it, is that you save yourself to be a notch on someone else's belt and make the person feel good about it... *SPIT*!
Psh, its disgusting really, especially when a man can go about telling his friends A GROWN ASS FUCKING MAN, that he disvirgined a girl almost as old as his youngest daughter. DISGUSTING!

Comrade said...

Interesting bits of posts. After shadowing your blog for a few months, you seemed to have finally provided practical evidence of the relationship advice which you give. I don't what the motivation is. Maybe it's the lindaikeji style of using a sex post to garner 50 comments or it could be something else.
I've also followed your profile closely for about 6 years now. "Rage of the Pentecost" (2002) was a huge inspiration. We'll jam soon.

Nyemoni said...

I wasn't upset by your post yesterday but I can understand the view of the people who were...I try not to take things too seriously, especially when they're about sexuality. Now to the point.

It still surprises me when people expect that all girls who have gotten through university have been sexually active. I have had conversations with people from diff. backgrounds on this topic and I am amazed when people say it is "IMPOSSIBLE" for a girl to reach 20, or 25 without having 'lost it'....It is indeed possible and will always be possible..
That having been said, let me say that as far as I know, there is no way that a girl will get pregnant through the way you described...it would be nothing short of a miracle...as for jinta's comment about girls haven lost her virginity through horse riding, I agree that I have heard of such things having happened...

Atutupoyoyo said...

Hmmm…..I feel that one or two of the previous commentators were a bit harsh. I just don't get the whole virgin or no virgin thing. To bleed or not to bleed…….that is the question.

I have always been pragmatic enough to accept that the woman I end up with will have had the odd sexual partner. Big deal. Hold the front page. The point you were making, which seems to have been generally missed, is that one should not seek to be what one is not. And if you do end up 'offering your honour' after the deed is done, then you must try not to overact like Al Pacino but instead give a more subtle, nuanced De Niro type of performance. Given the circumstances, the latter would be slightly more credible.

Lola said...

i'm getting a little suprised that guys think that they hymen is the absolute truth of virginity. please...it's a thin strip of flesh or muscle or whatever. please. if she talk say she be virgin and she doesn't have "evidence" a la hymen or blood, you'll just have to believe her sorry, cause there's no absolute way to prove otherwise unless you have pics or videos or something like that.

oh, and laspipi, sperm can survive up to several hours in open air AND a woman can get pregnant if live sperm in any way - thru towels, tissues, hand - contacts the vagina. although it tends to be infrequent, it does happen.

Losing your virginity is such a weird topic for most females. There's so much technicalities, eg, oral sex, "just the tip" etc, and at the time most women don't even know what's what.

The truth of the matter is you just can never know. there are women who do have the blood and alla that but then they've been doing anal and oral since they were 13. it's just one of those things.

PS - I don't mean to offend anyone with bluntness but i used to teach sex ed to teenagers and early adults (14-19 year olds) and believe in open direct communication.

Black Man Comes said...

Sorry man. You are one crazy guy. Whats with this virgin drama yoiu manbage to wringle urself into. The boys tadpoles made it up north from the below the equator? na wa o.

the truth though is this, women pass themselves up as that i think bcos they want to be "accepted" (not the right word i am looking for, sue me). I think if you are not, u are not. whoever will not accept you should go to hell. its just stigma, and also the ladies start to see that men who want to sleep with them wound up going for the virgin sha and u know how they say about women who loose their virginity to a guy always stick to him. lies. he will run.

well ladies the moral of the story is this, actually no morals. the hymen is not the sure sign of been a virgin, no. i just think the inner muscles react differently when long john as visited as opposed to when he hasnt. but only the almight knows.

Any more viring drama, i am really enjoying this. imho, i think girls use it to differentiate the boys from themen. the experiencesd from the novice.

Sherri said...

just to clarify:
it is extremely rare, but possible to get pregnant without penetration. however, it is impossible to get pregnant from semen that has been exposed to air, towels etc.

now back to the issue at hand, her action speak volumes, for someone with the alleged experience wouldn't it be logical to expect her to exercise more caution?

Idemili said...

As one of my gynaecologist friends used to say 'Dem no dey put meter for toto'. I rest my case.

As for the way she got preggers, it's been known to happen. She might have a very conducive vulva/vagina. It is possible, BIOLOGICALLY to get pregnant if sperm is placed sufficiently near an [for lack of a better word] active, [fertile]vaginal entrance.

belle said...

WOWOWOOOWWW@!!!

virgin.by force. lol.
i guess being a virgin is hot stuff!

Babawilly said...

This is fast becoming a Gynaecology master class. Na wetin? Is lying to friends not the issue?
People lie everyday.
Let he who has not lied cast the first stone. Me sef, I don lie before. So what?
If the guys wants to hear something, perhaps that makes the girl oblige his itchy ears.
If I dey lie ask the politicians

laspapi said...

@ jinta- I read you, jintu

@ catwa'q- there was something I didn't believe about her situation, I cant put words to it, but I felt it was a bit contrived.

@ for the love of me- It would be strange if one was with a girl and her 'state' never rose up in conversation. How many conversations can you have about Cambodia?

@ kpakpando- so I've been told repeatedly after this post. Guess I've still got a bit to learn.

@ sherri- thank you sherri, for understanding my flow. The post wasn't about the presence of the membrane. It was about the necessity for delusions.

@ estalla- na wa o! the female anatomy freaks me out atimes.

@ 36"- na so I see am, 36". I wondered. Everybody is somebody's fool.

@ in my head- I don't think I send out vibes like that. Its never mattered to me but for some reason some tend to think they must add that "certificate to themselves".

@ rethots- I think I doubted myself, really. She had me confused.

@ mamarita- I have been with a virgin before. She didn't wear the fact around her neck either. I'd die first than than talk about it.

@ comrade- I had no hidden motives. I felt like talking about it and did. linda ikeji does sex posts to harvest comments? Now, did you have a motive in saying that?
Looking forward to meeting you. Glad you saw "Rage of the Pentecost", it's now called "The Return Of Sogidi"

@ nyemoni- She explained it just the way I wrote it, believe me. I know 25 year olds can remain virgins.

@ atutupoyoyo- you spoke my very heart with these words. Thank you.

@ lola- I think women are ultra- sensitive about virginity matters. Thank you for that contribution

@ BMC- ah, no more virgin stories o. One or two were really offended and wrote things i couldn't publish.

@ sherri- see, I don't know the life-span of semen. All I knew was that the story was fantastic and her first statement was, "If I tell you, you will never forget".

@ idemili- That was very graphic, fire goddess, but maybe I should have given her the benefit of the doubt.

@ belle- some will insist. I guess its the same way some females stick to a certain age.

@ babawilly- I have sinned too and fallen short of the glory of God.

N.I.M.M.O said...

While it is possible to get preggers without penetration, 'tadpoles' swimming all the way from 'below the equator' (the thigh, man, the thigh) seems a little hard to believe.

And true, the hymen, blood and all that may not be the absolute proof of virginity after all. Some people have been doing oral and anal for years before eventually 'facing front'. I recently learnt this happens a lot in the north of Nigeria.

But bros, you sef, there must be something about you that makes them want to pass themselves off as virgins to you. Nobody ever done that to me before.

Nimmo

Isi said...

@for the love of me: LMAO!!!!!!!!
may be because i am married, i am TIRED of talking about sex! the thing is sooooo damn over-rated! i don't understand it when a man sees me and starts to talk about sex. what's his bizness?! if he has lost his, why sholud he be so particular about me losing mine?
i'd rather talk about... the evolution of poop or something that stupid than worry my pretty head about who's a virgin, who could have been a virgin, or who's lying about her virginity.
if any man is 'into' virgins then he should wait to find a 'real' virgin, and under no circumstances should he doubt or even sleep with her before their wedding day!
he should take a pix of the 'stained' white sheets of the wedding night and frame it in the living room for all visitors to see.

now the problem is, since this thingy is so new to her, she might enjoy it to an extent that she may want to try it out with a couple of other fellows... just to see if there's more to what u've offered.

My 2 cents said...

Okay where do you meet these women, with each story it get more weird and worrisome.

pamelastitch said...

Virgin ko, virgin ni.....

Also, laspapi, it is possible to go through undergrad without loosing your virginity and that is all I am saying.

The end (kpom!)