Sunday, May 27, 2007

The Girl Whisperer

by laspapi

as published in the Sunday Guardian of May 27

KING SOLOMON’S DISEASE

What happens when a girl finally meets a man she thinks she might settle for, share the future with and very early in the relationship, he is making eyes at all other females who come his way? Her best friends, the girls who serve them in the restaurant and the shoe-shop, her cousins, the domestic help of the neighbours next door, anything in a skirt?
In this instance, you must be careful because what he has might be incurable.

The good King Solomon was reputed to be the wisest in the world but suffered from this disease the Whisperer has named after him; all the wealth in the world, incredible wisdom, and unfortunately for him, the power to command the attention of any woman he sought didn't help his situation. He was liberal, non-discriminating and he took a woman from every land and clime. By the time he stopped, he had a thousand women, all for the same purpose. That singularity in the pursuit of the opposite gender will prove to be one of Solomon’s longest lasting legacies, just like Bill Clinton and that famous blue dress.

Many men will tell you it is the default setting of every male. Yes, so is the urge to knock down every stranger who offends us. Man should not be ruled by his baser instincts, it is why he doesn’t pee on car tyres or mate at street corners like dogs do.
There are some men who look at women like visual artistes do, interested in their art form. Like the Whisperer, these ones see women, the way they look, reason and feel, as intriguing and worthy of study. You must learn to differentiate this sort from those who roam the fields, scavenging.

Once a man tells you, it is a natural instinct to sow his wild oats, (irrespective of whose field he plants his seed on) you know it’s time to move on. This brazen disclosure is a warning of what the future will be like. Some women have the mind-sets that there is no man on earth who is free of this disease. They say “men will be men” and advice is given to younger females to accept a man’s philandering as part and parcel of the total package of a relationship. There are therefore many men worldwide who are eating their cake and still holding on to it, who drink from strange springs during the day and then go home at night to lie next to their own gentle streams.

The opinion of the Whisperer? If a man will go berserk because another man is making eyes at his woman or he suspects there is a liaison between his woman and another, why do women have to accept this behaviour from their men? The problem with females in this regard however is not that they ask for too much but that they are usually willing to settle for too little.

Lay out the rules from the beginning and if he says he can’t eat “rice” every day for the rest of his life, tell him he must learn to garnish it in different ways. It will be less risky for both of you, and give rest of mind. A woman however, who thinks because she has finally gotten the man, has no need to keep him content on the home front is asking for trouble. Other’s will fulfil her duties on her behalf if she is negligent. It’s just the way of the world and a natural progression in the affairs of mankind.

As men and women who are embroiled in relationships with those who suffer from this ailment, we make excuses for them, struggling to keep hope alive. Your continuance in a relationship like that is the self-infliction of pain. Life is too short to add misery to your own circumstances.

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

Very wisw words once again from the whisperer. Will be back again with a longer comment.

Anonymous said...

Sorry I meant wise

Refinedone said...

Life is too short to add misery to your own circumstances..

Hear! Hear!! to that!

Waffarian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Waffarian said...

There are some men who look at women like visual artistes do, interested in their art form. Like the Whisperer, these ones see women, the way they look, reason and feel, as intriguing and worthy of study"

You study women? Interesting, please refrain from dangerous experiments oh! I liked this article, I think we as women are conditioned from birth (especially in Nigeria) to accept shit from men. We see our mothers, our aunties, grandmothers, neighbours, take as much shit as possible, swallow it and ask for more. When we ask as little girls, "mummy why?", the answer was always the same "ehnnnnnnn, you know men". Its 2007, yet women in Nigeria still refuse to stand up and demand their dignity, we sit back and allow our daughters be poisoned by pot bellied ministers, close our eyse to the poison this has become in the society. We sit back while our men come home with one illegitimate child after another, sit in our mansions, in our beautiful wrappers, read ovation and say "you know, men". Women have to stop looking for reasons why it is acceptable for men to behave like inbred animals. If your man is behaving like a dog on heat, it is unacceptable. Don't sit there and pray, it will not work. Stand up from that comfortable chair of yours and move on.

Monday, May 28, 2007 2:30:00 AM PDT

omohemi Benson said...

Well said,
Laspapi,you study woman psychology join Law?

aijuswanaseing said...

I e-love you for this articla laspapi...very well written!

Anonymous said...

Ehen I'm back. This has been a reccuring theme in a lot of Nigerian blog. Recently I read a post on Naijawife's blog about a cheating husband and Babaalaye responded by saying men are just wired that way. Basically implying that women should just suck it up. I was seriously offended by this because that is the LAME excuse a lot of Nigerian men have been using and foolish women have been chopping it.

I told Babaalaye that it would have been more honest of him to say he had a weakness for women and totally lacked self control than projecting this weakness on all mankind.

I know a few good men in Nigeria but so many rotten eggs are spoiling their image. I'm glad a Nigerian man could say what you just did. Women need to start having more dignity.

In my medical practice in Nigeria I got tired of seeing faithful wives who were given HIV by philandering husbands. Women say they stay for the kids. what rubbish! When you both die of AIDS the kids are orphaned is that a better option?

I could go on and on but let me not turn this to a blog itself.

thanks a lot

I am Unwritten said...

Wow.. they've said everything I wanted to say, but they didn't say this: King Solomon sure was one randy fella!!

[Hi Laspapi, I caved in and switched from Xanga to Blogger!]

Idemili said...

Clap! Clap! Clap! Whatever you are eating, please pass it around to the other men out there. Great, brilliant post!

laspapi said...

@ refinedone- It is, refined one. Often, it brings its own misery. Why help it?

@ waffy- tsk tsk, such language, waffy. You're right though, there is a lot of "conditioning" involved, by society on our women.

Ah beg, let me continue my study, it's harmless (I think)

@ omohemi- Its a calling, omohemi. Also learnt in the school called "experience"

@ aijuswanaseing- here's e-love back at you. Thanks for stopping by.

@ anon- thank you for the comment. Too many men are always ready to take the easier way out, its time to take responsibility, stop the solomonic thing.

unwritten- welcome to blogger. Xanga did its best to frustrate me. Coming to see you shortly. Yeah, Solo was a "ready freddie"

Idemili- ate it in my childhood. A bit too late to pass it round now. Thank you for appreciating this, idemili.

Naija Vixen said...

uhmmm...preach it! Need to send this to a certain sumbodi who is refusing to acknowledge the truth...

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

you know whats funny.. i remember song i think it was from the animal farm 'beasts of england beasts of ireland beasts of every land and 'kind'(lol.. i sang that for years... only till you wrote it here that i realized it was actually kline... i guess i had a moment like the 'storm' one you had growing up.. lmao)

whisperer.. o wa very corrupted... "There are some men who look at women like visual artistes do, interested in their art form." oh spare me oh... visual artist ko... mental physician ni... just admit that you **** ** **** ******(lol good luck figuring that one out)

on the real i think a lot of older nigerian women do the 'let men be men' thing and tell us to turn blind eyes to men's wanderings.. absolute bullshit in my opinion... people should be held accountable for their actions... when you get to a certain level of commitment, it should be assumed that one wouldn't cheat and sow any more wild oats(except of course with their partner... then they're not really wild oats are they?) i hate it women settle and let men think it's ok to stray... iT BLOODY ISN'T!!!i mean if it's an open relationship then i guess thats different(but realistically.. how many nigerian or african people get into open relationships? ) and when you let people get away with stuff the first time... it's pretty hard to tell them to stop by the 11th or 111th time.

Great writeup papi... really great...

laspapi said...

@ Vixen- Yeah,dami, Solomon's children abound. They look to the patriarch as an example. Wonder why it irks men so, when their women do the same thing.

@ Storm: Clime- Oxford Advanced Learners says "/n (poet)climate"

laughing at "whisperer.. o wa very corrupted"- why don't you believe I'm capable of the dispassionate study of the anatomy of a woman?

Hissssssss @ all these unbelievers. hehehe!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

lol i made the mistake again... not kline.. it's clime... esh.. this my blockhead self

BabaAlaye said...

Laspapi. I admit i've sown a few wild oats on some even wilder cavernous fields with undulating shapes and contours and curves...

I need help!! I guess you can tell lol.

How do you do it Sir?

laspapi said...

babaalaye, nice imagery you put up there. You sound like you're an officer in the SWAT team that sows wild oats on Saturday and prays for crop failure on Sunday.

I laid my guns aside, alaye(and the crop sprayer too). Decided I'd become exclusive and forgo random sampling. (I sound like a college professor). It's a mind thing, the way people decide they're going to quit cigarettes or excessive drinking.
Tell me you havent... ehrrr...sown oats before and cursed yourself immediately after, for wandering on that field? Exclusivity is the key.

C'est Moi said...

Honestly this is an amazing piece of writing and that it was written by a man is more amazing still. You can't see me but I am taking my hat off to you......

Women settle because they think that they are accepting what they cannot change, that it is a part of our culture, our legacy. Men further compound this problem by acting like its beyond their control...

Most men lack self control and it is really refreshing to see that there is one who at least has the right outlook.

laspapi said...

Thank you for the very kind, words, C'est Moi. Men have through the ages refused responsibility. Sadly, at one time, not only did I march in that procession, I carried a banner as well.

Mona said...

such a good post is it going in ur article on sunday :P:P

Mona said...

uh oh im slow, it already went in the article hehe

Sherri said...

gratias!
i just love it!
i daresay it's not sowing cos a sower waits to reap (abi)
don't u find that exclusivity gives u a chance see and enjoy qualities u would have never known ur partner had?

laspapi said...

you got it, mona ;D

@ sherri- you made a very good point there. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

CLASSIC! loved this piece.

Many men will tell you it is the default setting of every male. Yes, so is the urge to knock down every stranger who offends us. Man should not be ruled by his baser instincts, it is why he doesn’t pee on car tyres or mate at street corners like dogs do.

laspapi said...

Thank you, anon. My specie and our excuses.