Sunday, May 06, 2007

The Girl Whisperer

Kiss and Tell

by laspapi

as published in the Sunday Guardian of May 6

For some reason, men, generally, are unable to keep the fact that they’ve been intimate with a member of the opposite sex, a secret. They have to tell someone else, any body, sometimes even mere acquaintances. Like stolen money, it burns a hole in their pockets so they have to get rid of the information, make it part of the general pool of knowledge.

The man looks at his friend and regales him with tales of this latest exploit and as men are wont to do, embellishes and paints what would probably have been a drab event in the opinion of the female, in richer colours. This trait probably stems from the games men played in their childhood, where it was all about who could ride a bike the fastest or who could race a hundred metres and leave the field behind. Men are always comparing notes, always seeking information about the exploits of other men and many a man has found out in a smoke-filled bar or drinking hole that a potential sister-in-law has ‘played the field’ and is finally seeking a place to roost.

A girl who thinks her past will not come back to haunt her had better be prepared for such an eventuality and pray that her man, like a Whisperer, has the maturity to handle all the information and half-truths that will come his way concerning her. Unfortunately, the hypocrisy of men continues to dominate world affairs and men will not accept from women what is standard practice in their own lives.

Kissing and telling has been around for a long time but men would do well to cultivate the ability of the Girl Whisperer to keep a dead-pan expression where such matters are involved. The rule of the Whisperer is “you can’t hang a man for keeping silent”. It is a very good trait to emulate. As a bonus for “silent” men, women find this an attractive trait.

Men should not be fooled though, that women do not Kiss and Tell. A woman’s kissing and telling is a more sinister type than that practised by males. A man will exaggerate, paint garish pictures of scenarios that happened and those that could never have happened but the woman will, when in the company of those she trusts, break down the event. Let men understand that when a woman’s close friend looks at them, she knows the most intimate parts of every encounter. Ignore your woman’s denials to the contrary. There are no secrets between close women friends and the intimate details women share are fearful.

Some married women will use their married friends as alibis when being searched for by their husbands and the friend will look at her friend’s husband and lie through the teeth without blinking. The Whisperer knows this (not through personal experience as the more suspicious might care to think). Such things are a reality of life with women and this kind of deception is more common than we might care to accept.

Still women must realise that a man who slays his wife and her lover in bed might have a defence in law if he does so in the heat of passion. The best-guarded secrets are liable to become known in places where they should not be once they are told someone, anyone.

The best kept secret of any kind is the one that is never shared, not even to a best friend, because there is something in the human brain that compels the passing of information to others once it is given. Many enterprises have come to nought because of revelations that came too soon.

The Whisperer’s advice? When you kiss, don’t tell. Just close the shutters of your mind.


Anonymous said...

I totally agree!...but i guess a lot of people beg to differ.

They still haven't explained to me though what the relevance of "telling" is. IMHO nobody else is entitled to that information except ur current partner who wants/deserves to know.

However the silent types are often labelled as being "shady/dodgy/closet freak"....but whats dodgy about keeping your private life a secret? is afterall YOURLIFE..not a soap opera..

That not saying I won't listen to their own story sha o...hehe...shebi na them volunteer their info...Hurray for silent males tho...they rock my socks!

P.S Love ur blog Laspapi...just never commented..keep it up!

Waffarian said...

Laspapi, it is good you are a gentleman, however, I agree with aijuswanaseing, I also think the current partner deserves to know to avoid embarassment in the future. Lets not lie, as women, we know how evil we can get.Even if the man never tells, his current partner will be the butt of all jokes amongst his ex-bedmates, I am a woman, I know.

laspapi said...

thank you for stopping by,aijuswanaseing - I concur that private lives should be kept secret. Many others though, regard it as something for public viewing, a soap opera like you said.

@ waffy- I'm the king of "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil". Silence, I think, should be a 100% blanket.

Anonymous said...

Only a man who isn't sure of himself would let others know what happens behind closed doors.

Kiss and telling is like telling folks "I need to grow up" cos it dpesn't portray maturity.

Now ladies, don't nod your head...we're equally as guilty. I've never believed in sharing such info....cos you know when those cat fights happen, it'll be the first thing to leak.

As you say, silence is golden.

laspapi said...

I like this, anon.

Anonymous said...

This post... maan this post... you were 'in my head' this time papi... every single part of it...

laspapi said...

I know how it is, Storm. The things men do.

Anonymous said...

Kiss and Tell is so yesterday especially in the age when lovers deem it fit to memorialize their escapades on film.

It always backfires. Take the case of Naija gal in jand who posed front and center for nude pics with her then boyfriend. Stuff happens...she cheated on him and no sooner did that happen that her nude pics circled the globe.

Who would have thought? Need I say the bobo carefully blanked out his own face from the pics.

My advice to folks is to think wisely before doing such. I'm not saying one shouldn't explore the prospect of being a mini movie star in one's home. Unlike those that have done it and it came back to bite them in the u know what, I would have burned the tape.

Yes, I would burn them.And if your lover says let's keep it, I say run like you stole something. if you have to put it on film, watch and burn

Some ladies kiss and tell too....I wondered why a friend of mine just called it quits with her man. She told me point blank.."He's lousy in the sack and staying with him means I'll cheat or better yet buy too many batteries".

Don't kiss and tell and don't watch and keep!

laspapi said...

@ anon- Dont watch and keep? I should make an article out of that one. I get the gist of your comment, thank you for sharing that.