The Girl Whisperer

Kiss and Tell

by laspapi

as published in the Sunday Guardian of May 6

For some reason, men, generally, are unable to keep the fact that they’ve been intimate with a member of the opposite sex, a secret. They have to tell someone else, any body, sometimes even mere acquaintances. Like stolen money, it burns a hole in their pockets so they have to get rid of the information, make it part of the general pool of knowledge.

The man looks at his friend and regales him with tales of this latest exploit and as men are wont to do, embellishes and paints what would probably have been a drab event in the opinion of the female, in richer colours. This trait probably stems from the games men played in their childhood, where it was all about who could ride a bike the fastest or who could race a hundred metres and leave the field behind. Men are always comparing notes, always seeking information about the exploits of other men and many a man has found out in a smoke-filled bar or drinking hole that a potential sister-in-law has ‘played the field’ and is finally seeking a place to roost.

A girl who thinks her past will not come back to haunt her had better be prepared for such an eventuality and pray that her man, like a Whisperer, has the maturity to handle all the information and half-truths that will come his way concerning her. Unfortunately, the hypocrisy of men continues to dominate world affairs and men will not accept from women what is standard practice in their own lives.

Kissing and telling has been around for a long time but men would do well to cultivate the ability of the Girl Whisperer to keep a dead-pan expression where such matters are involved. The rule of the Whisperer is “you can’t hang a man for keeping silent”. It is a very good trait to emulate. As a bonus for “silent” men, women find this an attractive trait.

Men should not be fooled though, that women do not Kiss and Tell. A woman’s kissing and telling is a more sinister type than that practised by males. A man will exaggerate, paint garish pictures of scenarios that happened and those that could never have happened but the woman will, when in the company of those she trusts, break down the event. Let men understand that when a woman’s close friend looks at them, she knows the most intimate parts of every encounter. Ignore your woman’s denials to the contrary. There are no secrets between close women friends and the intimate details women share are fearful.

Some married women will use their married friends as alibis when being searched for by their husbands and the friend will look at her friend’s husband and lie through the teeth without blinking. The Whisperer knows this (not through personal experience as the more suspicious might care to think). Such things are a reality of life with women and this kind of deception is more common than we might care to accept.

Still women must realise that a man who slays his wife and her lover in bed might have a defence in law if he does so in the heat of passion. The best-guarded secrets are liable to become known in places where they should not be once they are told someone, anyone.

The best kept secret of any kind is the one that is never shared, not even to a best friend, because there is something in the human brain that compels the passing of information to others once it is given. Many enterprises have come to nought because of revelations that came too soon.

The Whisperer’s advice? When you kiss, don’t tell. Just close the shutters of your mind.