The Girl Whisperer
as published in the Sunday Guardian of June 24
7 Myths about Marriage
Myth # 1. Marriage is a destination and not a journey- For many people, marriage is considered the key to all life’s questions and the attainment of this coveted status seems an automatic answer to the troubles that might have beleaguered them since childhood or adolescence. Many find out on becoming one part of a couple, however, that it is not always so. The idea of sharing one’s life with another being means a fresh voyage has begun and fresh solutions must be sought for new situations. Marriage itself is like admission into a citadel of higher learning; now you must work to obtain your degree or diploma, work that might take the rest of your life. The process can be an enjoyable or miserable one, depending on the partners in the enterprise and their compatibility.
Myth # 2. A philandering man will change his spots- The dictionary describes a philanderer as a man who makes love without serious intentions. Sometimes, some women assume that once a man agrees to go down the altar, his “evil” ways are mended for good. It is not always so. As a matter of fact, there is a serious likelihood that a man who had not repented of his former style of life will only wax stronger in marriage. He might take a break from that lifestyle for a short while, but soon, he will be back to doing the things he is adept at. These things might include drinking too much or smoking the wrong kind of stuff.
Myth # 3. A man/woman who loves little will love long- It is very likely that if you get entangled with a partner who barely tolerates you, that is the way it shall remain for the tenure of the marriage. Some partners hope that marriage will encourage barely perceptible love to grow. It is better to have this particular matter sorted before marriage though, because if he or she doesn’t love you enough from the onset, the chances are high that there shall be no further increases in the barometer of love. Only the foolhardy risk this venture.
Myth # 4. “Happily ever after” can be found on the remote control- This is similar in its make-up to number one. When the faces of blushing brides are studied at their weddings, it can be seen that there is a belief that all matter pertaining to marriage can be sorted with a click as with the changing of television channels. The human factor, its whims and caprices are not always taken into consideration in that calculation. Often, it is a rude awakening for these new brides when harsh reality faces them in the form of their partners and bares its fangs.
Myth # 5. Money cannot strain love- A lack of money can play havoc with the strongest relationships. Single-income families soon find the truth of the adage that “money is a defence”. In a situation where one partner does not pull his or her weight in financial matters, the tilt to one side causes imbalance in the relationship. It might have been okay in medieval times for men to go hunting while the women stayed at home to cook over open fires, but more and more, these days, one finds that the high cost of living requires both parties to pull their weights in all things monetary.
Myth # 6. Children can hold a marriage together- Some people think the presence of kids is enough to act as an adhesive to a marriage that is shaky at its foundations. It isn’t. The glue that must hold the fabric of the relationship together is the level of friendship and love between the partners. Marriages not properly constructed can collapse despite the presence of children.
Myth #7. He will learn to speak up to his mother- A man who cannot speak up to his mother or his family in issues concerning his woman before marriage, will not overcome that obstacle after marriage. A woman who deludes herself in this matter will have the rest of her life to regret this.
(Omosewa, your topic's next week)