HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car put sunglasses on and point a
hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3) Insist that your e mail address is:
Elvis-the-King@yourcompanyname.com. This is especially effective if you
use the name of the gender opposite to your own.
4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries
5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronised chair
6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
9) In the memo field of all your cheques, write 'for sexual favours.'
10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think!"
11) Finish all your sentences with "... in accordance with the prophecy."
12) Adjust the tint on your monitor to green and set the brightness level
so as to light up the entire work area. Insist to others that you "like it
13) dont use any punctuation or capitalization at all wait until someone
mentions it to you and then tell him that your ideas are radically
innovative and can stand on their own without need of embellishment
punctuation is really a lot of squiggles and scrapes whose origin is in
the cave paintings of france and that weve progressed beyond that as a species
14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
15) Ask people what sex they are and laugh hysterically after they answer.
16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
17) Sing along at the opera.
18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear
them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your
boss is of the opposite gender.
20) send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing.
For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."
21) Put mosquito netting around your office cubicle. Play a tape of jungle
sounds all day.
22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're "not in the mood."
23) Call 911 and tell them you need to know right away if 911 is for
24) Call the psychic hot line and don't say anything at all. Tell the
person at the other end that you want to see if they can "sense" what it is you
want to ask about.
25) Insist that your coworkers address you by your professional wrestling
name, like Rock Hard or King Kong.
26) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won! I won! That's the
3rd time this week!!!"
27) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling
"Run for your lives, they're loose!"
28) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its
the voices in your head that do."
29) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to
have to let one of you go."
30) Every time you see a broom, yell, "Honey, your mother is here!"