Thursday, February 22, 2007

WEST AFRICAN IDOL

I sat open-mouthed for about half an hour tonight and watched as sado-masochists ran at full pelt before the judges of West African Idol , our version of the American Idol and the British Pop Idol, and asked to be humiliated. The judges- a good looking female simply known as Nana with a striking head of dreads, Dede- Fela Anikulapo Kuti's apprentice, clone etc and Dan "The Cool Breeze" Foster, the African-American presenter on Cool FM.

Nana played the part of Paula Abdul, usually pleasant but firm when the need arose, Foster played Randy Jackson, the nice Music Producer and Dede played Simon Cowell to a fault.

A lot of those contestants certainly deserved to be cussed out like they were and I had truly never seen a more deluded crowd than those who came to audition. There was a guy who couldn't have been a day under 45 but claimed to be 30 (the age limit). When asked to sing, what he crooned and tried to dance to, in the most ghastly voice was Michael Jackson's "Dance, Come on...", confirming how old he was, really. He looked his age, and the judges made it obvious they didn't believe his "official" age.

Another girl came on to sing R.Kelly's "I believe I can fry...". Yeah, she said "fry". They came repeatedly, smashed aside time after time by the judges, one evidently psychotic and looking around the set as if he was looking for a heart to plunge a knife in and I saw Dede, the most street-wise of the judges, furtively searching for an escape route. Others just talentless and without enough sense to realize this, were immune to the insults of the judges. There were a few great singers but the great majority couldn't sing to save their lives. It is every man's inalienable right, the right to deceive yourself. No one can take it from you.

I winced repeatedly, yelled, ranted and then switched channels.

I do not like pain.

12 comments:

Nilla said...

Chei ya sorry about your pain...lol

I don't know if the people that think they can sing (when they can't), don't have friends to tell them wassup...

I wish I could watch more of it though...

Noni Moss said...

loll - its the deluded ones that are really entertaining to watch. I think the people close to them must be really bad to not be honest with them as to how bad they are. Unless they are all compeltely tone deaf - in which case all hope is lost :-D

Wishing you a great weekend and good tv! ;-)

Jola Naibi said...

BellaNaija posted some of the clips on her blog and I had a good laugh watching some of these. From Onyeka - the butcher of Abuja (anytime I hear that Roberta Flack's song now, his face will flash in my mind) to Cylas...I want to seeengi Arru Kellys Confersayshons. There were some remarkably talented people but I think the awful ones overshadowed them and I like Nilla was wondering if they don't have friends or family who advice them. I for one know and have been told that I can't carry a tune...it's not my niche so nothing short of a lobotomy would make me go and disgrace myself...but then again maybe some people are just stubborn

mack said...

speaking of pain... the one I'm used to, I watch american idol.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

I saw something about this idol on BellaNaija's page. I absolutely adore Abrewa Nana... she's a fantastic artist... cant stand the simon cowell.. he just loves to hear himself speak and has nothing relevant to say... the American dude is pretty cool... they should change the cowell dude and they should be fine. There was a bloody annoying girl called confidence that came into the room singing. i mean she had(s) a good voice but she was pretty annoying cos she kept wailing even after it was obvious they wanted her to shut the fuck up and get out.. i mean she'd already been accepted for fucks sake!!! lmao@ i believe i can fry.. i wish they showed it in Canada.. u think its possible to watch this show online?

omohemi Benson said...

Pele about your pain,

You never watched American idol?
Please what is dede's problem?
Abeg,what is his pedigree? ehen?E wan copy Simon?
Simon knows exactly what he is doing,Dede should go and check Simon's profile. My pain is Dede!

I watched the "I believe I can fry" edition and it was so hilarious.

Bella Naija does a good job with keeping bloggers uptodate on the Idols.
But you will have to keep up with the pain to see the glory at the end of the day.

Waffarian said...

Hhhahahah! I feel your pain, reality tv is so embarassing!more for me! feel so bad, like you, I switch back and forth cos human decency no dey allow me watch the humiliation process!chei!

Naijadude said...

Sorry about ur pain eh!.... but me get beef and edo and saki with Dede or whatever his name is. Well I dont think those contestants could sue him but dude is really digging himself one , how could he be so Simon Cowell to the core? sometimes he's just plain mean, cruel, brutal and ANNOYING!!!

Anonymous said...

Bros Laspapi,
I agree with you but only to an extent. I think you are blanketing on your observation. There were indeed bad, annoyingly so, contestants but i saw a few potentials on the second day... missed the first. And this why i thought the judges (or whatever they called them) were themselves as muddled-up-in-the-head as majority of the contestants. Someone said here that she (abi na he) liked Nana.. and i scream Ohohhhohoooo!!!!! I honestly feel she is as smokey as the guy with the knife... Of the three, Dan gets my hat. He knows things about singing.. vocalling especially, where you talk about voice texture, cadences, range, pitch and pulse. Ask your Dede, ask your Nana... they may not even know these singing essentials... as you would see i their works.. they just sing. Okay, put them in a choir at MUSON.. you will faaaaarrrrrttttttt.
As for American idols, i have seen a couple of episodes.. not all that showed up there is a great stuff.. they have there own howlers and cryers.. just as they have the potentials.
Bros, abeg go back and watch those tapes again.... and tell me again what you see.

Anonymous said...

Bros Laspapi,
I agree with you but only to an extent. I think you are blanketing on your observation. There were indeed bad, annoyingly so, contestants but i saw a few potentials on the second day... missed the first. And this why i thought the judges (or whatever they called them) were themselves as muddled-up-in-the-head as majority of the contestants. Someone said here that she (abi na he) liked Nana.. and i scream Ohohhhohoooo!!!!! I honestly feel she is as smokey as the guy with the knife... Of the three, Dan gets my hat. He knows things about singing.. vocalling especially, where you talk about voice texture, cadences, range, pitch and pulse. Ask your Dede, ask your Nana... they may not even know these singing essentials... as you would see i their works.. they just sing. Okay, put them in a choir at MUSON.. you will faaaaarrrrrttttttt.
As for American idols, i have seen a couple of episodes.. not all that showed up there is a great stuff.. they have their own howlers and cryers.. just as they have the potentials.
Bros, abeg go back and watch those tapes again.... and tell me again what you see.

laspapi said...

@ nilla- thanks love. Apparently, their friends aren't truthful people.It might be available on DVD later.

@ noni- The deluded ones really do make the best TV and I agree many of these contestants (and their friends) must be tone deaf. Have a great weekend too, noni.

@ jola- some people are not only stubborn but daft as well, jola. Its clear when I see a lot of these guys that they lack any form of musical talent. Undeterred, they go to West African Idol.

@ mack- American Idol has its own share of lunatics too, I know.

@ Storm- It might be a while before they show WAI on-line. As for Dede a.k.a. "Simon Cowell", he overdoes the rubbish he's meant to spout and his lack of originality is apparent to all who view him. I saw a girl today who kept singing even after they'd told her no. She asked permission to sing another song, They said "no" but she went on...and on...and on...and all the while they were telling her to stop.

@ omohemi- Dede is a great pain, I must agree, with almost no reeeming features. I think I'll go see Bella Naija's logs of the happenings.
I will not endure this torture, omohemi, let them keep the glory. Sometimes the insults given to some of the singers get me down.

@ waffarian- You have it right. If I watch these people for more than 10 minutes at any one go, I feel as if my sensory circuits are overloading.

@ naija dude- forget Dede. He's a wanna-be who's been given relevance and he wants to milk it for all its got. He comes out really silly with his grand-standing, a lot of the time, I think.

@ anonymous- I do not doubt that there are some really gifted singers there. A girl, Sindiki, in the Abuja auditions, blew away all who heard her and she's only 19. There are just too many untalented people who have swelled the numbers of those that can sing.
Dan Foster, of the 3 judges, usually has the most cogent reasons for the decisions he makes.

Kiibaati said...

Am bothered about the judges though. Well, Dan and Nana know good music from Deejaying but Dede can't sing!