Friday, March 09, 2007

It's a man's world after all-

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another petrol
station toilet because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress~£2500. Tuxedo rental~£80.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is £4.00 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes in one colour for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pen knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

24 comments:

Noni Moss said...

Lolll - the joys of being a man. Someone should write a rebuttal!

Simply Gorgeous said...

Laspapi- I do not understand why you have to rub in the fact that this is a Man's world. James Brown has already articulated that. There are some goood poits of being a female however. Hmm... let me think about that and get back to you.

mimi said...

very funny, the numerous joys of bein a man as noni said, catchya foind

wienna said...

I don't really agree with #15 though. Men can still get stared at their 'balls', don't they?

laspapi said...

@ noni- hi, love. ps. took me a while to get the "meaning" of your name. Hit me like a brickwall one day.

@ s. gorgeous- waiting for the rebuttal. As a child, I used to thank God I was male (I think I was just scared of childbirth)

@ mimi- what a wonderful world it is (for men). I'm no chauvinist. see you, mein herr (did I get the German right?)

@ wienna- that remarkable event happened to me once, wienna. She couldn't take her eyes away (I was fully clothed, seated in a public place and she sat across, a stranger to me). I think its the same way a chicken would watch a snake, a curious fascination.

Noni Moss said...

Lollll - o wa rather slow! hahaha - it went through several stages of refinement so it is kinda subtle I guess.

Waffarian said...

Excusez moi! ehhhhhhhhn, me, i don see guys wey dey gossip for their GSM more than an hour oh! dem go talk about their "container" wey dey arrive from Taiwan, "house in da village" "that babe from port harcourt" not too mention, who dey recently ran into from their "secondary school" days! haba! 30 secs? not for Naija men sha! dat wan na lie!

Bluntremi said...

First time on your blog...great writing!! Must read more...
I shall return!

laspapi said...

@ noni-I'm not absolutely perfect, dear. just a little more and I'd have been. Kicked myself for not 'getting' your name immediately, though. You're an eleke ebu, sha. I dont think I'll ever stop laughing at your "name calling", whether of bus drivers, fireworks throwers or laspapi. Oya now, don't be anonymous to me anymore.


@ waffy- Ah sure say na guys in d diaspora you dey take judge. "Taiwan, house in village, P'racourt chick"? Which one concern cowboy? Men are from Mars. Na women get time dey compare lipstick prices.

laspapi said...

Thank you, bluntremi. My doors are always open, see you soon.

Jaycee said...

Lolll..

you can never get pregnant, I'm sure there's a big smile on ur face...lol...

lolll...people never stare at ur chest...are u sure?

Ha...if someone forgets to invite us, they are no longer our friends abi, lolll....women have chopped o!

Lolll @ having strap problems in public all the time...

laspapi said...

jaycee,
I saw a woman have a child on tv once, and I'm still traumatized 6 years on. I'm glad I dont have to do the pregnancy thing. It makes me afraid.

Someone stares at my chest, I'm gonna think they're cross-eyed. What's there to look at?

As for the invitation thing, we'll call the non-inviter names to his face and move on. Not so for you women o. It becomes a life-long feud

Mona said...

IS IT REALLY? :P

omohemi Benson said...

eylLaspapi if I catch you, I go beat you tire.

Wat do you mean ehn?
Noni no worry one pessin go write rebuttal.

Naija Vixen said...

LOL...true say oh!

Simply Gorgeous said...

@laspapi- childbirth is no joke. Just thinking about or anticipating the pain, gives me bad feelings-( where is the nearest exit). Have you ever visited a maternity ward? The screaming alone will send you running for the hills.

PS- I have posted Part II

laspapi said...

it is, mona

@ omohemi- the truth will set you free

@ vixen- thank you for admitting to the truth, love.

@ s. gorgeous- I'm gonna come around to see the rejoinder. ps. For all the men-bashing bloggers (hehe), I didn't write this particular list oh. It was sent to me.

wienna said...

Hmmm...u didn't write d list, ok now. BTW, we want updates. I'm already hooked on dis yr blog o.

Kiibaati said...

Being a lady has its pros too, just to mention a few…

As a child, you get more pocket money than your brothers.

Your partner always picks the bill. You are generous if you offer to share.

People actually mean it when they say you look good.

How your eyelashes, hair, lips, waist, height, bust etc look depends on your imagination.

You are sure your baby is your baby.

You are smarter than you look.

laspapi said...

@ wienna- thanks so much. I'll update.

@ kiibaati- "you're sure your baby is your baby"-

1) you're very good (those lines are superb)
2) you just placed your finger on all men's fears.

Omosewa said...

LOLOLOLOL there are some exceptions to the rule o, some guys talk TOO much. And some shd NEVER be caught dead in shorts:D

Very nice, cracked me up, and i felt a little twinge of jealousy, i confess,LOL.

laspapi said...

you wanna write about the joys of womanhood, omosewa? I'm just glad to be a man. The body working with the circles of the moon worries me.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

lol... this was hilarious and a lot of it is true... james brown 'its a mans world' comes to mind

laspapi said...

Storm, Thank God I'm a man